help

[lara03x]

I'm sorry if theres already this question on here but i need advice.

My boyfriend and I have been trying to have sex for a few months now and it just doesnt work it like won't go in like it does then it slides down and we are both fustrated and worried.

Plz help us

[lnt1103]

A few things to consider-
Can you/he get him off in other ways?

If so, it could be about intercourse being a different type of sensation. That's a time and experience thing. He's got to get used to the difference.

If this has been going on a while it could be performance anxiety-you both gotta relax and just take the attitude that it will happen as it will. If you have to, bring him back and get him off in other ways when that happens, so he still gets to climax.

Are you doing oral before he enters? Lots of times, oral is so intense that entry can seem like a 'backing off', if you follow me.

Are you wet enough? Generally, the wetter you are, the better it feels to both of you.

Keep working with it-its all about learning what the other likes and dislikes-what works and what doesn't. Pay close attention to his reactions and keep after what he really likes.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Common problem and, yes, it is answered elsewhere.

Condoms, birth control, lubricant and the TIME to relax and explore each other without pressure to "perform" will cure this. Please see the sticky post entitled The Program and the one entitled Body Worship. They will help with the learning/relaxation process. Please note that not only does he do this to you but that you also can do this to him.

Men and women are not machines and a considerate lover remembers this. No more frustration is permitted. Relax, you'll get there.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by lara03x

I'm sorry if theres already this question on here but i need advice.

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating.

My boyfriend and I have been trying to have sex for a few months now and it just doesnt work

Please give us a bit more information.

* Is your hymen intact?
* Are you able to insert a finger?
* Do you become somewhat wet? Very wet?
* Is there any discomfort?

it like won't go in like it does then it slides down....

Please clarify this sentence.

Plz help us

If you can insert a finger comfortably then what you might want to try is to stretch the vaginal opening. The same goes for the Hymen if it is still intact. This can be accomplished over the course of several days by sitting in a bathtub with very warm water and no soap or bubble bath. As the water relaxes your skin, insert a finger and tug in one direction holding the pressure for several moments. Next, move on to the next quadrant and repeat. Once you can insert one finger comfortably, try the same series of exercises using two fingers, either from the same hand or one from each. Tug in opposition, again holding the pressure for a while before moving on.

If your hymen is intact, have a look at it as there are several different shapes, sizes, hole patterns, and, thicknesses. If you have been attempting to break the hymen, my first recommendation is to position the tip of his penis between the wall of the vagina and edge of the hymen. Alternately, if there is a major opening in the membrane, he can try pushing against this opening. When attempting to open the hymen, use pressure--never poke, jab, or shove.**

If there is considerable pain and your hymen is still intact, you may want to pay a visit to your gyn and ask her/him to nick the hymen in order to open it. This is a quick procedure that only takes a second and is nothing major. If you are attempting intercourse for the first time, it is recommended that you see your doctor beforehand. You can get checked out, and also have an opportunity to ask any questions that may be of concern.

From your brief description, it does not sound like you have a major problem and because you do not mention any pain or spasms, I would tend to rule out a condition known as "Vaginismus".

Lastly, make sure you are producing lots of mucus. If you are, spread some around the vaginal opening. If you are not, yet can or normally do, then spend more time becoming aroused. If your vagina is dry or not as wet as it normally is at other times of the month, apply some lube to the entrance as well as inside.

**Another very important thing to do is to lubricate the outside of the condom. Do not rely upon the lubricated variety, they do not work well at all. Go shopping at your local pharmacy or supermarket drug department and purchase a bottle of Astroglide or K-Y or similar product. Stay away from the fancy warming products.

Please answer the questions so that we have more information in order to better assist you. In the meantime try one or more of these suggestions.

[Brandye]

She says it goes in sometimes and then withers. Not likely a physical problem with her.

[lara03x]

My hymen isn't intact. I can slide my finger in and doesnt hurt. I get pretty wet. And yes it hurts me. What I mean is it goes in and then it comes out, like it slides that's how it feels.

Thanks for helping