Ladies, should he tell her?

[austnn]

Today my friend Riley came to me and told me that him and his girlfriend have been becoming sexual active.
As of now he is a virgin. He asked me today for advice, should he tell her before they have sex or after that he is a virgin? I told him to bring it up before by saying something "you want to know a secret" type deal.
He thought this was a stupid idea so I thought I'd ask here.
Ladies, if you were his girlfriend what would you want to here?

[dancingdoc2]

Why all the secrecy? I know--the fragile male ego.

Is the girlfriend experienced? If "no", then in all likelihood it will be the blind leading the blind scenario, except that she probably anticipates he has some skills. When things do not go as expected, which they often do not the first few times, she will know.

If "yes" she will pretty much be able to guess his status by his very actions.

Either way, I agree, it is best to tell her; however, do not make it the game you are proposing. He should just have a nice conversation about all this, what she expects and wants from the relationship, and what he wants. This is what mature and responsible people do.

Have him read this article:

HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED! To which I say:

In addition, all concerned should look at the Index and read all of the articles listed. Knowledge is empowering.

--BEGIN HERE--w/a Partial INDEX of Sex Info 101 Sex Ed. Topics

There is no reason to be embarrassed, we all begin somewhere with no experience and that somewhere is with each new person we plan to have sex with, now and in the future. A relationship is a partnership. It is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for each other. Couples should explore and learn together.

If you have additional questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to ask; although, it would be much more helpful if he would speak for himself.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Me? I'd want him to forget the topic entirely and just get ON with the sex! Jeez! Come on, I didn't get naked and hot to TALK with him!

[lnt1103]

Talk about it MATURELY at a time when sex isn't on the table for the eminent future.

[TnL329]

Yeah, you need to tell the person before. If it is really meant to happen, it won't matter to her. If it does matter to her, he does not want to go thru the scrutiny and her actions if it does not go well, and it does matter to her. Plus, if it does matter to her, and he finds out before, it will be a tone better than finding out after.

[smallestoftheclan]

I like the "you wanna know a secret" idea. Have him bring it up before the hot and heavy starts.
And as I suggest to the ladies, make a kit. Condoms, lube and spermicide. It's just as much his responsibility as hers. He can keep the fact that hs has done this to himself until the time is right, but he doesn't want the time to be right and not have protection.
To be honest, and allow the woman to take the lead here is going to be a big turn on for her, and if he is man enough to allow her to he is a real man.

[EvilEvilKitten]

There is a point at where, really, SHE doesn't want to know - and this is one of them. At his age - it isn't a huge deal but if a man, any man, nearer my age told me he was a virgin - he'd then REMAIN ONE. Because if no one had found him 'acceptable' in all that time it was probably for a reason - one which I do not need to experience for myself.

So say nothing and get on with it. Time enough for youto learn finesse later.

[TnL329]

Exactly the reason (EEK) as to why you should tell your partner if you are. I don't know how old EEK is, I do know older than me. I am not going to criticize her decision on leaving someone her age a virgin, if they are one. But, that is why at whatever age, they need to know. Flip side may be she expects him to be that, and if he is not, that may bother her as well. So both parties always need to know whether they are or are not.

[lnt1103]

Yeah both parties need to be on the same page here. Each needs to know basics of where the other is at in terms of experience. If one doesn't want the minute gory details of the other's past, that's one thing, but at the very least each needs to know whether or not the other has any experience, so that the right kind of feedback can be given, feelings can be appropriately cared for, etc.

[weasel]

well since he hasn't had experience as a teacher his first time won't be that great for either of them so i say tell her before