The 28 year old virgin

[lnt1103]

Ok I'm a 29 year old woman who lost my virginity at 28, and then after that relationship, found a man who was a virgin at 27, we've been together over a year and have done it together, and he's the best lover I've ever had. He's thoughtful, and caring, and pays attention to what works and what doesn't, and has always looked for more from the relationship than just sex.

My point: Relax. You don't have to do this just for the sake of doing it. The right girl will be impressed that you've stuck to your guns this long.

[johnnymac57]

I thought stories like that were just fairy-tales these days. Good to know, makes me feel slightly less desperate.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by johnnymac57

It will make me feel slightly better about myself. She won't be able to compare.

I do not think you will easily come across another woman your age who is a virgin & willing to give it up. Often it's personal reasons or religious & generally they will stick with them.

Best chances? Go out and date, get to know a woman [no time limits], if you begin going down the "intimacy" path, let her know the truth, and show you the way. Practice. Be honest when in the situation; however, not shouting to every person you are a virgin.

Or find a woman who is willing to help you out & one you trust.

[Ephemera]

You really gotta work on that self-esteem.

If you don't think it's gonna be good, then you can be sure as hell that she know it won't...

Women, in my experience, can smell insecurities from a mile off, and often it makes someone unattractive.

How do you think someone else will find you attractive if you don't yourself? Positive reinforcement!

You seem like a smart guy, and you definitely mean well. You have all that's required to be successful at dating, so grow a set and make it happen!

[lnt1103]

Originally Posted by johnnymac57

I thought stories like that were just fairy-tales these days. Good to know, makes me feel slightly less desperate.

Haha I know. I had started to think that myself. But ya know, this keeping virginity or not thing is about YOU, not just sex itself. It's about determining what you truly want for yourself. If in your heart you want the relationship first, do it that way, and don't put a time limit on when sex happens. When my bf and I did it for his first time, we both wanted it at the time, but then it took a while before we actually had intercourse again-we had collectively decided we weren't quite as ready for it as we'd thought. Which is more than OK. We 'fooled around' in other ways plenty before the first time and before we went back to actual sex. It's all a learning experience-you need the communication, the connection, the chemistry-you need to listen and learn each other. And when we got there and tried it again, OMG is all I'm gonna say. And don't worry about being nervous about sex, we all are until we get some experiences under our belts and learn a few things.

All this is natural for you to have running through your mind. IMO, and my bf actually said this first, so I know he agrees, wait until you're ready, and then wait another couple months at least, because often you think you're ready but you're not as ready as you thought you were.

[johnnymac57]

Ok

Quoting Chris Rock. " When a guy goes over to talk to a lady, she is not meeting him she is meeting his representative ."

I just have to be a good actor, pretend that I am confident and know what I am doing.

[lnt1103]

Eph must have been posting at the same time as me or I would have said this already. He makes a good point. Be authentically who you are, be comfortable with and proud of it, and let it show. THAT'S what attracts people and THAT'S how you'll find the right one for you.

DO NOT ACT. Your actions in the bedroom will betray you and she'll wonder why you lied. And if you're looking for a real relationship, the first things you need are honesty, trust and communication.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by johnnymac57

Ok

Quoting Chris Rock. " When a guy goes over to talk to a lady, she is not meeting him she is meeting his representative ."

I just have to be a good actor, pretend that I am confident and know what I am doing.

Be confident in who you ARE. Just speak to women as if you are getting to know them as a friend. Expect nothing and keep the doors open if you hit it off. If you do just ask for her number and call. Don't try to be someone who you are not, be you, and just talk as you do to friends. Put differently, Relax.

[sera300]

Write 4 descriptors here of your best qualities [either noticed by yourself or described as from a friend]:

1-
2-
3-
4-

[johnnymac57]

[quote=sera300;221861]Write 4 descriptors here of your best qualities [either noticed by yourself or described as from a friend]:

1-Sense of humour (which dissapears when I am nervous)
2-good listener
3-girls have told me I have nice hands
4-I am strong and fit