i just dont like it...

[justcurious89]

im quite new to sex and my boyfriend and i have only done it a couple of times (were both home from college for the summer so were living with our parents... kind of makes it difficult ) but it doesnt do anything for me. first of all, for whatever reason we can never start with him on top. it still hurts me even though im very wet. he usually gives me oral before so that shouldnt be the issue. so i start on top and then after a little while we will flip over so hes on top. i dont particularly like being on top but it doesnt bother me. i would just rather let him take control, hes the experienced one but i dont really get any pleasure out of it. theres always really great cuddling afterwords and theres nothing wrong. no pain or anything. i just dont particularly feel anything. its very pleasurable for me when he fingers me or goes down on me, but not with sex. is that strange? what can i do to fix it?

[dungadude]

Try the spooning position and while you are having sex play with your clit. This might add the extra stimulation you need. Next you need to just let go and enjoy the act. I have learned that for men and women if you don't just let go and get in the moment, you may not orgasm. Just a guys two cents.

[Ephemera]

Use some lubrication to help with the pain.

I believe there is a sticky titled "The Program" somewhere on this board, and it gives detailed instructions on how body worship works, and stuff. You should take a look at that.

[Brandye]

The brain is the most important erogenous organ in the body. It does not sound like you have any specific physiological issue but all women should have a gyn exam before becoming sexually active. If you have not had one, see your doctor. This should be discussed with her. (Yes, I have a preference for female gyn's and go to a woman myself. No reflection on male gyn's; just my preference)

There is a critical question. Have you learned to masturbate to orgasm? There is a correlation with age at beginning of masturbation and later sexual satisfaction. These, of course are self-reported but the correlation is strong. Once a woman masturbates successfully, she know what she is working towards, gains insight into what is pleasing and is more sexually confident with partners.

Recognize that about a quarter of all women never, or rarely, experience orgasm; about the same percentage regularly reach orgasm through penetration and thrusting. That leaves about half of us who require additional stimulation - oral, digital, self-digital. Some over time move from one category to another. The eldest patient I have had reach her first orgasm was 54. I have had a few thirty-something mothers who reached orgasm for the first time.

Recognize that whilst seemingly automatic for men, we women actually need to learn orgasm. Nature does not care whether or not we reach orgasm because ours is not required for pregnancy.

The book Our Bodies Our Selves is a good, albeit dated, starting point. Learn how your body operates. If you want ideas on masturbation, try clitical.com along with many postings on this site. You were not able to stay upright your first time on a bicycle and our sexual response is much more complicated than riding a bike. Do not give up; learn about your body; discover your own body; then, go forth and enjoy yourself (safely).

[justcurious89]

well the thing about masturbating is that im never alone. so ive never tried it. my whole life ive shared a room with my sister and when im at school im in the room with either my roommate or my bf. at home theres 6 of us so the house is never empty. and at school my roommate is really sporadic about going to class so i never know when shell come in the room. not exactly a good predicament haha

[EvilEvilKitten]

So masturbate while in the shower. Do something because you're missing one of the greatest joys in life. SEX. You might also want to try out the skills of mor than one guy as well. It is amazing what you can learn from others. Just use BCPs and condoms as well as lubricant.

[justcurious89]

why would i want to try it out on anyone else? my bf and i have an amazing relationship. just because i havent totally figured sex out yet doesnt mean i should go looking for it elsewhere.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Yeah - so amazing a relationship that you're here asking us instead of him.

[justcurious89]

we have talked about it. its not like he ignores me during sex or that it hurts during sex or that its bad. its just not especially pleasurable for me. he pleases me in many other ways and im very happy with him sexually and, most importantly, emotionally. sex is not a huge part in our relationship, i would just like some answers. i just thought that since we couldnt come up with any explanations ourselves as to why i couldnt experience really good sex, i would try getting help from here. i thought the whole reason this board was here was so that people like me could ask questions without having people question my relationship.

[goof'schik]

You may just need to get a few years older and find out what your body likes. And if your sneaking around are you focused on what your doing or listening for a door to open or for footsteps? It sounds like you are in a good relationship, two people who do care about each other. Relax you will like it.