I dont know how fast to go with my gf, any help?

[letsgomets1212]

OK well I have my first real gf right now. Im 16, she turns 16 in a week. Weve been together almost 2 months. Unfortunately shes been grounded lately, so I havent seen her much alone and when I do see her there are usually other people. If you can believe it all weve done so far is kiss for about 10-15 seconds. I know that shes just really nervous. Were pretty serious and I think were gonna be together awhile. So I just want to ask, how fast can I go with her? What would be some good steps to take from here. I mean I think that the best thing would be to start making out for a long time. But she gets so nervous. Help Please?

[interestedevil]

Well the thing to remember is that you are comfortable at this point. You dont want to force her to do anything that will make her uncomfortable. I would play it by ear and use her body language to tell you what she is wanting. Though if you are dating you should try to have some alone time. If she says no to anything that means stop...just keep that in mind and enjoy life.

[dancingdoc2]

> I have my first real gf right now. Im 16, she turns 16 in a week. Weve been together almost 2 months. Unfortunately shes been grounded lately, so I havent seen her much alone and when I do see her there are usually other people.

Howdy! and welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating.

I've got to tell you right up front that your post is making my day. It is very refreshing to read a request for help on this matter that is both considerate and grounded.

> If you can believe it all weve done so far is kiss for about 10-15 seconds.

Believe it? Yes, although, there are times when I wonder if taking your time and moving slowly is outdated dating behavior nowadays. From all I see on TV and the movies and read from a lot of the posts to this and other sites, it seems like a lot of guys have the misguided misconception that kisses are brief tokens and that the speediest route to Nirvana is via Foreplay. WRONG. Foreplay comes later rather than sooner--and only after lots and lots of Necking and Petting.

I believe that if you keep on doing what you are doing, taking your time and proceeding slowly that over time you will have established a very strong bond built upon trust and respect. All too often teens view girls as objects and a means to an end--that being getting their rocks off. They will say and do anything to get a moment of pleasure. The downside is that girls often believe what guys say and become victims of their greed and self centered desires. By proceeding slowly yet increasing the level of intimacy in steps over time, you will find that the relationship will be both easier, more enjoyable, and stronger.

> I know that shes just really nervous. Were pretty serious and I think were gonna be together awhile. So I just want to ask, how fast can I go with her?

These concerns have been addressed in two articles. Please read this one and then follow the internal links to the other articles.

KISSING & CARESSING--a young person's guide to EXPLORATION

You will find more information in them than you are probably ready for, so just ignore these points until the time is right.

The answer to your question about fast can I go, the answer is with a method called "Implied Consent". This is described and explained at the end of Chapter Three. You can also do a Forum search using this term and my name that will take you to threads in which this has been discussed by others including me.

> What would be some good steps to take from here. I mean I think that the best thing would be to start making out for a long time. But she gets so nervous.

I suggest addressing her nervousness, first. Instill trust by letting her know that you have her wellbeing and best interests at heart, and that you will not breach her trust, safety, or boundaries. Let her know that while you like every other teen has more hormones than blood flowing in your veins, you need a back up plan and that it is her. She is better able to recognize when you are about to throw caution to the wind and go overboard than you are during the heat of passion, so she should be encouraged to work with you to hold you in check should you ever think about ignoring your inner voice. A relationship is a partnership, and so too is the romantic aspect of it. It is not what we do to someone; rather, it is what we do with and for each other.

Making out is good. A good make out session paves the road to Foreplay. Both are necessary steps to increasing intimacy as well as passion and ardor. Keep the kissing up for awhile, then add some Necking when the time is right and build from there. Just do not be in a rush. So what if it takes her six months before showing you any skin other than her arms and legs. Appreciate the closeness you are establishing along the way.

--BEGIN HERE--w/a Partial INDEX of Sex Info 101 Sex Ed. Topics

[bboy01]

I recently lost my virginity and I've had sex a few times in the last week, when me and my girlfriend are having sex the speed tends to change, it might start off slow then as I am about to come, I will slow down and will usually, not everytime, but usually stop then and we'll go back to just kissing for a while until I am ready to go again. Once I am ready I usually start off slow again and the speed picks up and slows down at various moments throughout intercourse.

Just do what you enjoy to start with, there's no point just doing everything to please your girl, you need to have pleasure too and if it is a good relationship then she will tell you if she thinks you're going too fast or too slow, etc.

[bboy01]

Ahh I read this wrong, dived in head first, I thought you meant how fast to go during intercourse

[dancingdoc2]

Ha! I have been known to fall in head first, also. That's OK, for what you said is also relevant for what he related.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You go as fast as she wants you to go. Invite her and see what she says.

[Ducy]

Exactly...we cant tell you how far you can go with your girlfriend. Only she can. Just test the waters, slide your hand towards her bum, and if she seems to be getting tense, move it back up.