Do some girls just not like sex?

[Shintoxica]

Well. my girlfriend and i have been in a relationship for about a a year and a half. and during those times we have had sex maybe about 4 times. and i thought it was ok. but.... lately i had a talk with her i asked her if she ever enjoyed having sex.

most of the time her answer was its okay. and sometimes she tells me no. she has this anxiety of getting pregnant. i wear a condom and i pull out before i ejaculate into her. i mean i think thats as safe as i can get it.... but she still has that fear inside her. she says that it hurts when my penis is in more than 2 inches and.... well that really kills the mood... i feel horrible about hurting her and feel like crap for just ending it like that.

so i guess the only reason we have had sex is because she wanted to please me. and i don't want to have sex that way. i want her to enjoy it as well. have fun with me.

shes a very innocent girl. and kind of i guess unaware of many sexual things. she has never really masterbated. her parents never had the talk with her, her parents never consented for her to be taught about sex in school. so i believe she is totally lost. sadly i was her first kiss when she turned 18 so i guess ill blame myself for being the one that tainted her hehe... well she loves to make out and unknowingly teases me. it turns me on so much and she just doesnt know that she teases me in many ways and sometimes i just cant take it anymore i say im gona go use the restroom and stay there until im back to normal. i dont really want to do anything she doesnt want too. im a really kinky guy i like lots of things and trying new things. she wont even let me finger her or she doesnt even finger her self. i just want to know if theres a way i can help her raise her sex drive a little. so i guess this concludes that

anyways ladies, what were your thoughts about sex when it first happend? what helped you overcome the pain or anxiety?

[Brandye]

The simple answer is "yes." Some women are simply not interested insex. The reality is much more complex. For instance, we know that the younger a woman was when she started to masturbate, the more satisfaction she expresses with sex later in life. Ignorance and lack of confidence in one's own body tends to retard sexual development - at a psychological level. The physical level will develop on its own but psychological aspects are more important in a woman learning to enjoy sex. This confidence includes confidence in how a woman is protected from pregnancy. The data are all here on the Board.

Many women, especially those not being taught at home or ins school, simply do not understand what is taking place and what risks she is facing - probably much lower than your g/f thinks.

Wearing a condom and pulling out does little to give her confidence. She needs some control over her own protection. Adding vaginal spermicide both gives her some control and further reduces the chance of pregnancy.

Much of this is irrelevant in your case. Until and Unless she chooses to learn about herself and sex and protection, there is little chance of change. You cannot do it; she must. If she wants some places to start, the book Our Bodies Our Selves could teach her much about her own body. A visit to Planned Parenthood or a women's clinic could gain many pamphlets on aspects of sex. Planned Parenthood website has very good resources specifically for teens.

It must be emphasized that beyond your making her aware of these resources, there is next to nothing you can do. She is responsible for her own body and that includes what she does with it sexually.

[Ducy]

Well I would have to say that the fact that she is so worried about pregnancy causes her to be unable to enjoy sex....there are some girls however who just plain dont care for it...my girlfriend doesnt care whether we do or not. (but that is attributed to sexual abuse.)

[Brandye]

Twenty percent of women have been sexually abused and this often leaves lasting repression of one's own sexuality. There are many more whose sexual repression has more to do with how they were raised than whether than whether they were abused.

I would guess, shin, that your g/f's parents have had a less than stimulating sex life - it is being passed on.

[EvilEvilKitten]

If she does not masturbate (note: it is spelt with a U not an E) then she will not find sex as enjoyable as she could because the connections in her brain have not been made.

Remember: this is what comes from NOT educating your children about sex. The truth now, not some fiction set up to make you, the parent, feel comfy.

Sex Education for Laypersons and Our Bodies, Ourselves are two excellent sources of information for her to explore. Now that she is over 18 and out of her parent's jurisdiction, she could also take a few college classes on the subject of human sexuality.

But SHE has to do this. Only by being proactive can a woman enjoy a truly wonderful sex life.

[machine_rat]

I wonder if it's not so much that she has an actual fear of pregnancy but that she uses it as just another excuse for not wanting to have sex.

It sounds like she came from a very conservative family, but what are her friends like? Are they conservative as well? You can also get the same results if the friends are overly immature, much like early pre-sexually-active adolescents.

Are you her first boyfriend? If so, and at her age she may have grown bitter through high school to look around and see all these other girls 'flaunting', and thus associates sex with sluttyness.