Orgasm/pain

[handcuffs22]

My g/f and i have been having sex now for a few months and every time that we have sex for the first time in a day it always hurts her really really bad!!! and its a total turn off for her!!! so why does it still hurt if we have been having sex this long??? any suggestions??


She is also having trouble orgasming, she has only had two and we cant figure out why. We have tried many diff things....she loves sex ALOT sept for the first time any suggestions on how to get her there more?? and she really doesnt know what an orgasm feels like could anyone help!?! thanks

[EvilEvilKitten]

She's tight and dry - so increase the foreplay making sure to spend more than 21 mnutes on it and use lubricant.

As for the orgasms - read the Index - that question has been answered many many times.

[dancingdoc2]

> My g/f and i have been having sex now for a few months and every time that we have sex for the first time in a day it always hurts her really really bad!

Ordinarily, I would agree with EEK, out of hand; however, there are some concerns that make me question the why of this. First, assuming that if you make love two or more times a day and both/all times you go about it pretty much the same, meaning that she becomes aroused, then there should not be this difference; second, is in (for us) learning whether she is wet and if you are wearing a condom, that it is wet either by her mucus or a lubricant. The same holds true even if you are not wearing a condom; third, that she is relaxed and not tense as a conditioned reflex to the anticipation of pain. What can you tell us about this?

> She is also having trouble orgasming, she has only had two and we cant figure out why. We have tried many diff things. **

Here are some things for the two of you to consider:

* first, that she has only had two means that she has or at least is in the process of connecting the millions of nerve endings in the skin with the pleasure center in the brain via the autonomic nervous system. Mother Nature plays a trick on us by providing the means for having pleasure and orgasms, yet not establishing the connections. What does is repeated practice.

* second, if she is preoccupied with the advent of experiencing pain, or, distracted, it will be enough to shut down her ability to orgasm.

* third, that your first attempt at making love is either not of sufficient duration {no less than 33 1/3 minutes and longer within reason if convenient. )

She needs to devote half an hour out of her busy schedule every day or two in order to practice masturbating. The younger she is and the more she does it the easier it generally is for a woman to climax (all things being done right).

Feedback is a requirement. The two of you and she especially need to communicate how you are responding to each other's caresses (including intercourse and for what you may need--now! This is also covered in one of the articles.

Make sure she is wet. Make sure you or your condom is lubricated before attempting penetration. Do not attempt intercourse until she invites you inside. She knows when she is ready, wet, and able.

When accepting her invitation (implied or actual), be gentle. DO NOT poke, push, shove, or jab your way inside. Use pressure. Ordinarily, if a woman is wet, relaxed, and mentally prepared, a man should be able to slip right in; although each couple is different, "so results may vary". If you find penetration to be difficult, then back off and go back to the basics of making out including foreplay. In addition, making certain that both of you are well lubricated, naturally and/or with a product.

If you are making love and are penetrating her before she is sufficiently aroused then this is very likely the source of her discomfort. If your method of making love is to quickly get to intercourse before devoting at least half an hour or longer to the necessary basics of making out and then to do lots and Lots and LOTS and LOTS of stroking in order to reach your orgasm then you are going about it all wrong. Stroking maintains the preexisting high level of arousal while thrusting peaks it and triggers an orgasm. You should not begin intercourse until you are on the raw edge of a climax yet still able to maintain control.

Finally (for this discussion at least), help her to have one or more orgasms before penetration. Once you do begin intercourse, keep it to about ten minutes or less. Why? Because many women report back that any longer than this causes them to become sore, bored, and tired.

Most sexual positions do not provide enough continuous ongoing contact between her pieces-parts and your body to produce the necessary friction required to build up and trigger an orgasm; therefore, what a knowledgeable, skilled, considerate, lover does is to reach around and stimulate her by hand while stroking away.

As Brandye states in one of her articles on the matter is that an orgasm is not a requirement for a woman's enjoyment or a necessary part of nature as it is for men. If your love making session is otherwise pleasurable and enjoyable, and a climax for her is not going to happen, then she should be satisfied none-the-less.

> she really doesnt know what an orgasm feels like could anyone help!?

** There is a contradiction here. First you state that she has only experienced a couple of orgasms, then, you go on to say that she really does not know what they feel like. HUH? If in fact she has had an orgasm and one or more for comparison, then she must know what they feel like and what her body's reactions are. Please clarify what you mean.

Now, with all this in both your minds, both of you should read the appropriate articles listed in the Index in order to acquire some skills and how-to tips for making out in all its various aspects--long before engaging in Foreplay, which comes later rather than sooner in the process.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[Brandye]

The fact that it hurts first and does not get more painful as the action continues indicates a few things. She may develop more lubrication as time goes by. The fis here, is to use additional lube up front. If you are using condoms, make sure you have polyurethan rather than lates - they are less abrasive.

The more important issue is that relaxation. If lube is really the problem (cannot be ruled completely out) that is easily fixed. If, however, muscle tension is the issue, then there are other things to be addressed. A small percentage of women clamp shut involuntarily when a penis tries to enter. My guess (we have no real data on this) is that some other women have a simlar but much less intense reaction that is generally gotten over as experience grows. Doc gives great advice for this condition. If you have been having regular sex, her body, or at least those muscles, are learning that there is no threat to be protected against. As this begins to improve, it will improve very rapidly but at this moment, she is beginning to dread those first few thrusts. Take it slow and easy allowing her to set the pace. If this continues, she should talk to her gyn or a competent sex therapist. Not unusual at all but if it gets worse, she must seek help.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Relaxation & Lubrication (getting wet) = FOREPLAY. See, there really is a reason for taking your time with this stuff and NOT rushing directly to intercourse. Taking time to masturbate is also important but you two need to take the time to explore eachother and see who likes what, when, and how.

[arutha]

Try a few different positions when starting and see if that makes a difference. My gf finds spooning painful if it is the first thing we do, but if its round 2 no trouble. Also start by entering really slowly, and try teasing a bit with your penis; only go in a little bit then hold it for a few seconds and pull out before going in again. You could also try fingering a bit more to loosen it up a bit.