For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm?

[sera300]

Perhaps you are trying to hard? Relax and read:KISSING & CARESSING--a young person's guide to EXPLORATION

Originally Posted by Ashley101

Ok, now I have a question. I have been masturbating for years now and I can make myself orgasm through rubbing only. I dont ever finger myself because whenever I've tried, I feel no sensations in my vagina and focus on the ones in my finger and i get no pleasure from it. When I'm having sex with my boyfriend it feels good but I have NEVER orgasmed through intercourse. I think what I feel when I'm playing with myself is ALL clitoral stimulation resulting in a clitoral orgasm. Should I practice inserting fingers and TRY to get it to feel pleasureable? Because when I'm having sex my clit doesnt get stimulated so I feel like I need to try and make myself orasm through vaginal stimulation.

I just want to orgasm! It's been bothering me and I KNOW it has been bothering my boyfriend too. Please help me.

[dancingdoc2]

> I have been masturbating for years now and I can make myself orgasm through rubbing only. I dont ever finger myself because whenever I've tried, I feel no sensations in my vagina and focus on the ones in my finger and i get no pleasure from it.

Ashley, the only nerve endings associated with the vagina are in and around the opening. It is there that your fingers will have the greatest effect. What you will feel with a finger, penis, or, dildo, inside is a sense of fullness that women report as being very satisfying.

By "rubbing", I presume you mean stroking the clitoris and associated area. This is good.

> When I'm having sex with my boyfriend it feels good but I have NEVER orgasmed through intercourse.

This is so common it can be considered the norm. Why? Because very few sexual positions place your genital area in constant ongoing contact with his pubic area sufficient to generate the required friction. Some positions that do are the Woman Superior, and, the "X" and "Y" as I refer to them in which the couple recline on their sides facing each other. The only difference between them is in the positioning of the legs. There are others, so please refer to the animated illustrations accessible from the Home Page.

> I think what I feel when I'm playing with myself is ALL clitoral stimulation resulting in a clitoral orgasm. Should I practice inserting fingers and TRY to get it to feel pleasureable?

Feel free to experiment and to do what works and to repeat what works. There is no one right way, only what you have come to enjoy. Many women do not insert anything, although, I believe this trend may be changing, particularly among experienced women. Just experiment, note what works when and what does not. Do not be demanding of yourself and just become immersed in the moment--moment by moment.**

> Because when I'm having sex my clit doesnt get stimulated so I feel like I need to try and make myself orasm through vaginal stimulation.

Not necessarily. What a knowledgeable, skilled, caring, compassionate, lover will do is to reach around and finger his partner's clitoris, and associated "pieces-parts" by hand while stroking away. (Now, isn't that a great revelation?)

> I just want to orgasm! It's been bothering me and I KNOW it has been bothering my boyfriend too. Please help me.

This will help both of you. A little bit of insight will go a long way! Please spend some time reading the articles listed in the Index, and especially those linked in the above replies. If you have not read the opening articles to this thread, you need to as your concerns are precisely why the opening article and this thread were created.

> When I'm having sex with my boyfriend it feels good but I have NEVER orgasmed through intercourse. I think what I feel when I'm playing with myself is ALL clitoral stimulation resulting in a clitoral orgasm. Should I practice inserting fingers and TRY to get it to feel pleasureable?

**Later. My recommendation for the present is to learn how to have clitoral orgasms regularly and consistently using your fingers. When you've got this down pat, take your boyfriend's fingers and guide his movements over the course of several lovemaking sessions until he learns to mimic your movements, rhythms, and pressures. Key to this is in providing him with feedback (verbal and/or non-verbal as explained elsewhere) on how you are responding to his touch and for what you need now/next.

> Because when I'm having sex my clit doesnt get stimulated so I feel like I need to try and make myself orasm through vaginal stimulation.

Later, you can explore stimulating the G-spot and Fornexes. Work on these areas after you have become extremely turned on as it is then that the nerves in these areas become reactive.

> I just want to orgasm! It's been bothering me and I KNOW it has been bothering my boyfriend too. Please help me.

It has been my pleasure to provide this help. Now, the two of you please read the articles and do some practicing.

[vixen74]

Originally Posted by dancingdoc2

It is important to know and understand that we do not give orgasms away to our partner. Each person is responsible for his/her own. All any of us can do is to help them achieve it. To do this we must learn to mimic their specific technique of motions, rhythms, and pressure that is unique to them. In addition, we must provide verbal and/or non-verbal feedback to our partner on how we are responding to their caresses, and, for what we may need, now.

Every male and female of the species has millions of sensitive nerve endings in the skin and other organs, a pleasure center in the brain, and, an autonomic nervous system to transmit signals back and forth. Unfortunately Mother Nature plays a mischievious trick on us by not "connecting the dots". We must establish the connections through practice. Boys do this almost matter-of-factly right out of puberty and quickly develop a routine for how they will do this pretty much the rest of their lives. Girls on the other hand either do not learn to masturbate as early, if at all. The process of making the transition from preorgasmic to an orgasmic being requires a more conscious and concerted effort.

Using a vibrator to build one's level of arousal is not bad, done in moderation. If you use one, I recommend putting it away for the time being. The reason is because it generates intense sensations that condition our nervous system to only be responsive to those levels. You need to be able to train your body and mind to become aroused from the much less intense stimulations of a finger, first and foremost.

You can do this by undertaking a daily set of exercises in which you learn to pleasure yourself at times when you are not tired, preoccupied with other thoughts or obligations, and, when the house is quiet and you will not be disturbed. You should do the exercise once or twice a day depending upon how you feel about it.

Begin by letting your hands roam your body with a sense of timelessness. Stroke your hair, your neck, shoulders, arms, chest (not your breasts), abdomen, legs, thighs, small of the back, buttocks, and any other place you can reach. Your objectives are to learn what feels good where and when, and then to caress yourself there at those times in order to build your level of sexual excitement, tension, and anticipation.

After building your arousal to a high degree just from your caresses, you can then move on to include your breasts, pubic mound (mons) and later, your vulva and its associated pieces-parts.

In time you will learn how much of a contribution breast play adds to your arousal. Some women enjoy nipple play right up to the trigger point of an orgasm and beyond; others enjoy it up to the brink of an orgasm and find any more stimulation beyond this point very distracting. Learn what works for you.

The same goes for your genitals. One place to begin is by letting your fingers roam from your abdomen downward, or from your thighs. Finger your pubic hair, scratch or massage your pubic mound; and then, move on to the labia majora and minora. Include the clitoris later and indirectly at first until your level of arousal begins to peak. Massage, kneed, and gently tug on the lips and then move closer to the clitoris. You have options depending upon your level of arousal at any given point in time. The shaft of the clitoris can be massaged, and the hood and tip of the clitoris can be fingered directly or indirectly by folding the inner lips over it. You should be learning what feels good and how to repeat those sensations in the future. Include the many nerves around the outside of the vagina and just inside.

Let your mind focus on the many sensations and repeat those that particularly feel good and increase your passion. As you become more highly aroused you will find that your mind does focus on what you are doing and that your awareness of things around you will disappear. Your breathing will change, you will perspire, and, your body will tense as things progress.

You may very well find that as you close in on an orgasm that you have an urge to pee. This is a false signal (especially if you have recently gone to the bathroom) and should be ignored. Just continue to press through the urge and you will find your climax on the other side. Within a short time this false signal will go away.

The closer you get to your climax, the faster your fingers/hand will want to move. Do not stop, just keep doing what you are doing.* Because it seems to be more of an effort to work up an orgasm than it is for the male of the species, I believe it is fair to say that results will take some time. Just keep working at it, learn what feels good, what builds ard/or, and then when you become tense, your breathing changes, your begin to perspire, your awareness of the outside world disappears, you become all tingly, DO NOT STOP. Keep on keeping on until the orgasm happens. Many women report having problems that seem to stem from stopping or aborting and not pushing on. So, to recap, if you know your bladder is empty, just ignore the need to pee, and if your clitoris happens to become too sensitive to touch, then do so indirectly. Just do not stop until "it" happens--or, you've given it the good ol college try and it just isn't going to happen this time.

* When first learning to masturbate, guys and gals often find that their fingers, wrist, and/or arm become sore and tired from the exertion and the rapid ongoing movements that are new. In time, with repetition, muscle strength will improve and the soreness and muscle fatigue will go away. Not to worry.

Once you have experienced your first orgasm, the next one should be less difficult to achieve, and, they will generally be easier to come by with more practice and as the pathways are established and solidified. Once you can masturbate and have orgasms repeatedly and consistently, you can then show your partner how you do it and guide his hand over several sessions until he learns to mimic the motions, rhythms, and pressures, that you have now come to rely upon.

This article is exactly what I needed to hear.My new partner recently bought m a vibrator which I can cum with easily on my own but not when my partner uses it on me or during sex.I find I am not as relaxed.So...... I am going to leave the vibrator for a few days and reintroduce my fingers to my pussy.I am hoping this will help me relax and with the info from this article I am hoping to be cumming in no time.

[Shnitzel]

I know this post is a lil old but, this is a little unclear to me. Are you saying that for some women its impossible for them to have an orgasm? or everyone can have one but its hard for some women to reach more than others?

[Brandye]

The facts are that one-quarter of all women rarely or never experience orgasm. One-half of us require some stimulation in addition to penetration and thrusting. Physiologically nearly all women appear able to have orgasms. The reasons for some not are unclear and include a complex of physiological and psychological explanations. In short, some get there more easily than others.

[Shnitzel]

Originally Posted by Brandye

The facts are that one-quarter of all women rarely or never experience orgasm. One-half of us require some stimulation in addition to penetration and thrusting. Physiologically nearly all women appear able to have orgasms. The reasons for some not are unclear and include a complex of physiological and psychological explanations. In short, some get there more easily than others.

OK then i feel better i was going to freak out if i knew i would never have an orgasm.

[GweMi]

Doc,, I have only reached an orgasm when my boyfriend fingers me, not during sex.
Although its great that i can reach it through oral sex, but i want the whole experience!

When we are having sexual intercourse, i can see that my boyfriend is reaching his climax, while im feeling nothing. Minutes go by and its only happening to him!
I dont even feel anything when he changes positions! Whats wrong with me?
When his penis enters my vagina, i only feel like im putting in a tampon!
Where is the pleasure in that doc???

Also, when having sex and my boyfriend is clearly having all the pleasure, he sees that im feeling nothing and then he stops!
How long does it normally take before feeling anything or starting my reach to climax?

Should i just wait for the feeling to happen??

[EvilEvilKitten]

Please: he can't make you do a damn thing!

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN ORGASMS.

So, to help you along the way: RELAX. No tensing of msucles or of mind. FOCUS only on how wonderful and how this man will please you. FEEL, suspend everything else and just let the sensations run through you. They come, they go, they roll on by.

In addition: masturbate to climax all on your own. Often. Frequently. Until you can reliably achieve orgasm by whatever method you choose to use for masturbation.

Now then: please also review the following threads The Four Hotspots, The Program, and Body Worship. Do all of them.

Practice, practice and then, more practice!

The more you do, the more you want and the better you get at it.

[GweMi]

Thank you EvilEvilKitten,, this is the kind of advice i am looking for!

So, just to clarify, women can get their own orgasm and even reach a climax ON THEIR OWN??
So what is the mans role??

Me and my boyfriend have just started to have sex and experiment a bit, and only recently I have started to masturbate on my own.
I have read that, the more I masturbate, the easier it gets to reach a climax and also the less painful it will be when i have sex with my boyfriend, but is this true?

Will masturbating improve and be more enjoyable the more i do it?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Yes.

A lover assists and adds intimacy and thereby 'sweetens' and 'heightens' the sexual experience. A lover also teaches you how to give as well as receive and that it isn't just about the orgasm. You also learn compassion and some humility as well.