I told him to stop and he didn't

[wet_suit_one]

So what some of folks are saying is that it's better to accept defeat and slavery (i.e. rape) rather than fight nobly and possibly die with honour.

Fair enough.

I think it's better to go down fighting and losing honourably rather than accepting the rape. However, as one who will most likely never be raped (unless I go to prison), I'll be the first to admit it's easy for me to say that. All the same, attackers would be more wary if they knew a fight was coming.

I think that some of you fail to see that EEK is trying to state that women have some responsibility in this. If it's date rape we're talking about, surely it's more likely that the guy is decent enought to back off when he gets kneed in the groin or slapped upside the head or you dig your nails into his balls and scream "STOP!!!!" into his face. I think most guys in a date rape situation would get it. It seems that most women are too afraid to even do this.

This date rape situation is a bit different than the attack by a stranger while jogging or in the parking lot. In that case, battle is expected and giving a fight may well not succeed as there is no element of surprise. For a date rape situation with a boyfriend or date, well, the sheer surprise element of you fighting back would be more than a little useful (I think). Unless you are actually dating a rapist, he'll be a little worried about having to explain how he got those clawmarks across his face.

Also, when it goes to court when you have followed through and charged the perp with sexual assault (why don't women have the wherewithal to do this? I don't get it? If soemone stole your car you'd report wouldn't you? Why not in a rape?), the physical situation of your attacker and the evidence of the fight will be useful in obtaining a conviction.

Think a little ladies, act accordingly, defend your honour. Don't depend on a man to do it for you.

Bah, I ask too much, I know. Hardly any women will agree to taking this much responsibility for themselves and their situation and fighting for their own being.

[wet_suit_one]

Heck, this whole thread reminds of Jack Nicholson's line in "as good as it gets" where he says that a woman is basically like a man but stripped of all responsibility....

Sigh...

[Brandye]

RAM posted a thread on rape games; some kid asked about rape drugs and this.

I can sit here in my surgery posting this and assure you that if a man ever attempted to rape me I would feed him his testicles one at a time.

The fact is, I have never been in that position and really do not know what I would do. Rape is a constant possibility for women (no, we do not think about it all the time, but the possibility is ther). "Coercion" takes many forms - including societal norms that once a certain point has been passed, we women become the guilty parties. I have even screwed a guy to get the date over with and get him out of my flat. I do not consider that sexual abuse because I was taking the easy way out.

Somewhere around 20+% of us have been sexually abused - raped, molested, manipulated, succumbed to power - and most women carry guilt over that as the OP seems to. None of us know how we shall react until faced with the siruation. I say fight. Would I?

[EvilEvilKitten]

I agree, Brandye, that until you're in that situation, you really do not know what you will do - without training. The point of training is to make appropriate responses automatic. Training also calms the nerves and frees the mind.

In my case, the guy with the knife did not expect to have his arm broken and to be body slammed into the Adriatic while his friend, so the police said, positively ran to them for protection from someone he described as "feral". This was a 'special situation' so no charges were made - not by me, certainly. I so rarely get a chance to have fun without restraint, you see.

[sera300]

Uncertainty of what to do is often the issue; this is why all women should take a defensive tactics course and practice regularly. Maintain it, try it, take martial arts...the response will be automatic.

If you are pinned at gunpoint & no way out [other than him discharging the weapon] you are to at least get some scrapings under your nails & try to talk your way out.

A rapist who will take you & transport you to another location; will also plan to kill you. Fight at all costs.

Date or Spousal rape; fight it off & report it.

In any case of rape; do not shower, do not brush your teeth, do not douche, do not change your clothing, nor cleanse yourself in anyway--do not even drink water. If you are unsure of how you feel about it? At best go to an ER immediately and see the staff. They will help you without involving the police until you feel you want it that step taken. Let a hospital do your evidence collection since just calling the police really gets you nowhere.

The police require evidence and testimony. A rape kits speaks for itself, although date/spousal rapes are more difficult to prove, it can be done.

Never be embarrassed to tell the right people; they will help you.

Call your local police departments & state police to see if they are offering any of these courses for self-defense.

A rapid blow to the groin followed by gouging the eyes is enough to get you away from your attacker. If a person attacks you; you need to know how to use their body weight to your favor.

[wet_suit_one]

It seems that the ladies of the board support me in my view of FIGHT!!!! I'm glad to see that not all who walk the earth are sniveling cowards and some are human enough to stand up and be counted in the eternal struggle against tyranny of one over another. Rape is the just the most intimate battlefield of such tyranny but for those who love freedom, the war must be fought on that battlefield as well.

Sera and EEK, I salute you.

[sera300]

Too often rape is associated with the impulse for one to have sex; whereas, it's an act of violence. Unfortunately the OP; put herself in a bad position with a man who she did not know & was untrustworthy. Not understanding the mental mechanisms behind the act of a rape is what leads to many questions. It's a violation of a woman/mans rights in the most intimate sense. And yes, men are raped, as are children/infants [the youngest I have seen is 12 months old] and women. Often children are more trusting or in cases where there is a person older [teens, etc.] the parents never reinforced properly the need to tell and what to do.

Self defense works & getting out of the situation ASAP works. Women are not strong enough to go hand to hand with a man unless they have been trained in the strategics through military or police academy. The best option is to get your self into a course and know when to speak up.

One other option [if it is eminent] they tell you to vomit on yourself, defecate, or urinate to perhaps get the assailant to stop. If you have been raped, try to leave marks on him with your nails or hair fibers. Makes the ID process much easier to prove.

One promise I would be able to make; if attacked and could get out of the grips of the individual--once I grab my purse, they would not be moving again, ensuring no one would be at their mercy.

Standing up for your self also applies to spousal or domestic abuse...it's not okay; verbally, emotionally, or physically. This applies to both men & women, heterosexual or homosexual.

I wish more people were taught there is no embarrassment if you are the victim; there are people who will help you--no matter what & without judgement.

Thanks wet suit!

[goof'schik]

EEK: from the original post:

But he started taking off my pants, touching me and well he you know, put his thing in me although I was crying and telling him to stop. But he didn't stop and held me down while doing it. It hurts like hell and he did not want to stop. I feel so bad right now. I dont know what to do. I feel this is all my fault, that I shouldn't have slept in the same bed as him. I feel like I provocated him. I feel so dirty.....

He held her down, sorry I used the word pinned.

Yes I was 5 foot and 99 pounds at 18. Do I regret not putting his ass in jail for the rape, he's a lawyer now. His dad was the senior partner of a law firm in New York City when this happened, keeping that chair warm for his oldest son. All I wanted was for him to get out of my life and he did. I also didn't want to go home and tell my dad. I wanted it to be done, all of it, the rape, the last 4 years, all of it.

I've been the victim of a domestic issue. And yes I showed up and that guy went to jail. I didn't prosecute him, the county I lived in did and well I knew what I didn't do at 18 and so at 33 I did. No his dad was not a lawyer, his dad had been killed during a drug deal gone bad on the streets of Detroit.

Alot of people think a man can't be raped, I am not one of them. Tie a guy to the four corners of a bed and I bet you can get him off, if he wants to or not. No means stop, No means get off me, No means do not touch me. Yes this female, not sure how old she is, put herself in a dangerous situation. Not just getting into bed with someone she trusted, this was her boyfriend not some stranger off the street. But also participating in behavior that got him all hot and bothered and then staying and not leaving then. That however gives no right to him to do what he did.

Rape is violent, rape is something this poor female is going to have to live with for the rest of her life. I hope she gets the mental and not just the physical medical are she needs. And if you think that I wouldn't of killed that SOB if he had come back around, you are wrong. And that body would never of been found.

[Sugarlessfifi]

I'd leave him.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Okay, I stand corrected.