New Here: Various Questions

[Swift Fox]

Hello everyone, I have been to this site a few times over the past few months and I have found the information here very helpful. I wanted to make a post of my own however to ask specific questions so I can clear any confusion about the issues.

I am 25 years old and and my girlfriend is the first girl that ive had sex with, we began sharing that with eachother about 5 months ago. We love eachother very much, however only get to see eachother once a month for about 4-5 days per visit (cant wait until thats no longer the case! heh).

I read that the first time a woman has sex, she bleeds and it is painful for them. Me and my girlfriend were both virgins before our first encounter, and so I found it odd that she didnt beleed even a bit, and mentioned or showed no painful winces or anything like that. I was curious, is something wrong? I trust what she tells me, so i am just more curious how people in olden times could use this as a method of determining wether the wife had waited for marriage or not. Or is that just an old silly tale?

When we have sex, since we dont see eachother in person often as we would like (we talk every day though online/phone/etc.), we really enjoy it and want it to last as long as possible. After I finish the first time, shes usually ready for more (is that a bad sign on my part?), and after some cuddling/kissing, I can get erect again, put on a new condom, etc.. However I have not once been able to ejaculate while inside her on the 2nd or more times. It only works if I resort to using my hand to finish. The first time is no problem at all, everything works how it should.

Additionally, only once has she been able to make me climax with a handjob, the other times it just feels great however I do not ejaculate unless I assist. Likewise when she gave me head for the first time just recently.. it was really wonderful, but again I wouldent ejaculate unless I assisted. My question is.. what is wrong with me? I want to be fully functional on second, third, and further intercourse sessions in a row and ejaculate when shes doing other stuff to me without assistance. I do get really excited with her, so I dont understand the problem.

Next question. I have a very hard time telling if she is having an orgasm or not. Its very obvious when I do, but she is not as vocal, I do hear moans and stuff but nothing that sets it apart from the rest of the love making session you know? Pleasuring her is very important to me, moreso then myself, and so im a bit worried that she is not orgasming, or if she is its not very intense. Is something wrong? Maybe im just brainwashed by movies of the women screaming with delight =P

Next, I dont know if this is the kind of question to be asked here as its not really a physical sexual question/problem, but since im asking lots of questions I figure maybe I can get an answer for this too from you wise people. I make a concious choice to try and be the best boyfriend I can for her, to try and make her happy, to be understanding, do nice little things for her randomly, etc.. I am a fairly sensitive guy and I often compliment her and she says she feels very appreciated. I can honestly say that I currently have no concious desire to be with other women sexually, but I think about her like that all the time. Now she recently made a comment in one of our conversations (shes a big classic rock buff), that if she lived in the 60s she would absolutely love to have been a groupie for the Who (one of her favourite bands).

This seems like such a silly thing to cause concern about, and I didnt want to hassel her about it if it was just me being stupid. groupies have sex with the band right? in effect she is saying that she would absolutely love to have sex with 4 other different guys. I guess im a bit jelous.. I try not to be the jelous type so I find it strange, because im normally quite understanding of stuff. Her comment made me feel as if I was 2nd choice since she was not able to be back in the 60s with "her guys", sort of a consolation prize. When infact I want to be her first choice given any situation, like she is mine. Am I just being childish? It seems to bother me even though for obvious reasons it could never happen anyway, but im of the opinion that its the thought that counts and that works both positive and negative.

Next, I seem to have a bit of a strange fascination with the idea of her being with another man for a night as long as I could know what all happened (video, or just be present). She has expressed no desire of this what so ever, and honestly im glad given the concern I mentioned just above. If you were to ask me directly about it, I would likely say, no shes the girl of my dreams and I do not wish to share her with anyone sexually. At the same time however I have had these thoughts and I find it odd that somewhere in there I would have thoughts that seemingly conflict with my standard personality. Can anyone explain this?

Thanks in advance for any replies to my ramblings. Great place, glad to have signed up =)

[dancingdoc2]

> I read that the first time a woman has sex, she bleeds and it is painful for them. Me and my girlfriend were both virgins before our first encounter, and so I found it odd that she didnt beleed even a bit, and mentioned or showed no painful winces or anything like that. I was curious, is something wrong?

Not necessarily...

Hymens come in different varieties, hole patterns, and, thicknesses. Some obstruct the vaginal passage, others partially so. Some have one or more openings. It is quite possible for a hymen to open at any age when participating in vigorous sporting activities or horseback riding, etc., therefore, a girl/woman may remain technically a virgin yet not have an intact hymen.

Nowadays in western cultures, we consider a woman to be a virgin if she has never engaged in intercourse and truthfully proclaims this fact. Not so in some middle eastern cultures where brides to be still must undergo a physical examination by a family or village elder. If her hymen is found not to be intact, dire consequences often befall her.

> Additionally, only once has she been able to make me climax with a handjob, the other times it just feels great however I do not ejaculate unless I assist. Likewise when she gave me head for the first time just recently.. it was really wonderful, but again I wouldent ejaculate unless I assisted. My question is.. what is wrong with me?

Nothing....

Why? Because you only lack knowledge not capability.

We all understand the mechanics involved in stroking a penis or fingering a clitoris; however, these methods and movements are only the "mechanics" of what are involved, there is also what I term the "fine art" that is unique and specific to each one of us, male and female. During the first few weeks after learning to masturbate each of us develops a pattern of movements and pressures and rhythms that we pretty much rely upon to raise our arousal and trigger a climax.

We might vary one or more of these techniques once in a while for variety, however, if we change what we have come to rely upon too much then there is a possibility of missing out on an orgasm altogether, or, having one that is not quite up to par. An integral part of all this is feedback. When we masturbate we use our internal feedback to modulate our movements on the fly as feelings change and our level of arousal builds.

So much for stimulating ourselves; now what happens when someone else stimulates and arouses us? First of all, while the mechanical methods alone may work, what works far better is when the mechanics are combined with the fine art of the matter. In order to learn the specific techniques our partner uses, we must be taught. Perhaps the two best ways to do this is to demonstrate how s/he masturbates; and then, to guide each other's hand several times until we learn to mimic the specific movements, rhythms, and pressures involved. In short, teach each other.

As for feedback, since we can no longer have benefit of internal monitoring we must develop and rely upon giving verbal and/or non-verbal cues to our partner. Verbal feedback can be words or other utterances; non-verbal cues can be a squeeze of the hand or some other form of "body english" that the two of you develop. This teamwork is absolutely necessary if we are to have a batting average better than 50/50. With something so important, who wants a hit and miss score for pleasuring our partner? Feedback informs our partner how we are responding to their caresses and for what we may need--now. In additon, it gives a clue for how close we are to an orgasm. It behooves a couple to work out cues to communicate our respective statuses.

You mentioned that arbitrary stimulation feels good. Yup. What can often happen to a guy when our partner does not quite mimic the stimulation we need to bring about an orgasm is that in missing the mark we become hyper stimulated. We can actually be aroused and pleasured far beyond that level achieved when we reach the trigger point. Because we don't receive the specific stimulation required, continued stimulation just builds and builds our level of arousal and pleasure until we cry "uncle".

> Next question. I have a very hard time telling if she is having an orgasm or not.

Orgasms manifest themselves differently for men and women. Because women internalize them more, it is often difficult for a man to detect when she does climax. It is to a woman's best interest to help her guy out by providing some verbal or non-verbal cues.

I hope this is of help.

[j56h]

A groupie is a "super-fan" that will go out of his or her way to take in a show by their favorite band. They will hang around all day trying to get back stage. They will try to figure out what hotel the band is at. Many times the serious groupies will follow the band from city to city on "tour". A lot of the male groupies will try to become "roadies" helping set-up the stage and lights for the band at each venue.

Being a groupie does not mean having sex with the band. That is a popular misconception, not that an attractive female groupie wouldn't find opportunities for sex with members of the touring group. It would be much more likely that female groupies would hook up with the male roadies.

So, your girlfriend is not necessarily fantasizing about having sex with band members. She may just see some romance in the carefree lifestyle of a groupie.