Teenagers please help a mom out.

[pheonix]

hmm
i'm not sure there is anything you can do.
i'm a 17 year old male teen, still a virgin and quite happy that way for the time being, my sis however she's 15 and not a virgin, go figure lol
ermm i'm not sure what help this will be, but i found a site called body teen.
have a look and see what you think its for teenagers and i think it does have some useful things on it. if its any good then you could introduce her to it, if it isnt then dont lol.
www.bodyteen.com
hope this is in some way useful.
but please try not to worry, remember that no matter what YOU ARE THE BEST MUM YOU EVER COULD BE
if anything does happen, its not because of you remember that. I think that its best to try and find a ballance between pressuring her, and giving her freedom of choice, that means alot to teenagers especially younger ones i think.
again i hope it helps.

[Skyby]

I dont think there is much you can do... I was 16 and my decision had absolutly nothing to do with my parents, I had been with my boy for 3 months and it just sorted of happened, I didnt regret it I just felt that it was the next step of our relationship. My sister was 14... she spoke to me about it before but as far as she was concerned "it's just sex" and after talking to my lil bro who is currently 16 that seems to be the attitude, Im only twenty and although now i see it as something special, It wasn't that big a deal when I first started doing it... it is only in the last year or so Ive started placing any value on it.

maybe you could tell her and abbreviated version of your past and how it made you feel, but it really depends on her whether or not she'l do it

[jmns]

the only thing that i can suggest is not to keep her away from the normal things that she does. most girls that are even somewhat educated on the topic of pregnancy want to wait for a while, just because they are scared. just let your aughter know that when she is ready that she shoudl come and talk to you. when she does do this, be open about it. talk to her about using protection and all of the precautions that she used and should use. definetely dont yell at her for the things that she decides to do. this will make her close up about the topic and she will neve speak of the topic again in your presence.

[pheonix]

Erm i think this thread is a ressurection, look at the dates lol,
oh well just thought i should point it out.

[emmapodpod]

Hi im a 15yr old girl. Because i live in England the age of consent is 16. I recently lost my virginity to my b/f about 2 months ago. We are in a strong,loving relationship and it felt completly right.

Anyway. Your daughter is only 12 1/2 (probably older now). I doubt she is even thinking about sex, but i think its good that you are thinking about what happens when she does start wondering. My mum has always been very open with me about her experiances, which has helped me ALOT over the years. Yet although she is probably more open and willing to talk than most parents, i still have not told her.

I just wanted to make sure you are not smothering your daughter. I know that you are only looking out for her and her wellbeing, but if you DO keep un-nesceraliy(sp) reinforcing the rules, as she gets older she will rebel against them, just to annoy you. Scaring her will not work either. It will simply make her think you dont trust her.

I think the best thing to do s right her a letter saying that you want her to feel able to talk to her about anything, and you wont get mad. Maybe writing a letter about your own experiances will make her feel closer to you, when shes a little older.

Sorry if any of this sounded harsh!

[yetagainsorrows]

Tessie I've missed you since I have been gone, but have no fear I am back.

Amazing how as a mom I keep looking for that damn instruction book. *Haven't found it but I will keep looking. *This topic brought to the front of my mind a comment my ex made to me when our son (only child too) was born. *He said (as my son lay dying on a respriator) "A boy is good. *I mean boys don't get pregnant" and laughed. *Now I know some have heard others say this, but when it's durring a time when you are facing a possible death of your child, it can make you bitter. *My amazing son is only 4, so I can't pretend to know what to say and do to make him not want to have sex, or to better word it, wait for sex until he is more mature.

When I heard you ask your question, being the smart ass I am, the first comment that came to mind was "geez, if we mom's of son's keep our boys in line you should be fine". *I do know in life both the male and femal sexes desire that attention, that love and emotion.

You know your daughter. *We have mommy sonar. *You're a very smart woman and you know nothing you say and do will prevent her from the hurt of growing up. *I do hear your fear of not wanting your baby to hurt. *Know in your heart you have raised a good person. *ASK QUESTIONS. *Never be scared to hurt her by prying about WHO, WHERE, WHEN and a number to call. *Set guide lines and openly talk. *Don't be all sugar coated, as I am sure you know the joys of kids using parents too.

I guess that is all I can suggest, ASK QUESTIONS, the more the better and some times follow up on who what and where they are. *Know their friends and male friends. *Trust her enough but keep close eye. *You know your baby, be ready for if and when she does need you to kiss away the tears of pain from life.

And remember it's not always the reasoning of the girls wanting sex, as it is the boys pressing it. I keep telling my self that my son will be respectful to women in all areas. It's all about doing the best with your kid, but it's the other person's kid I worry about.

[mrdoc]

Hi,
Well, i think after so much being said on this, there is'nt much to be said. This topic is really important and i m happy to see that people in the west care about it, at least for their children. Think of a 13 year old girl, who by all means is just a growing kid, having a baby growing in her body.. sounds really horrible from a medical point of view. Adolescnce is very importanr period in the growth of a human and one needs a lot of nutrition for himself to support her own growth. And if there is a baby inside, both would be seriously deprived. And a step ahead.. think of a 13 year old bringing up a child.. what that new baby will be.. everything seems disastrous.

Well, i have in my mind that having sex is'nt equal to having a baby but this happens very frequently as teenagers are pretty careless. Moreover, they lack education about it and sometime even believe that they cant become pregnant at all. Thats why preganany in teenage is such a issue.

And, to talk a bit about the pshychie of children, age 14-17 is most dangerous. This is the time when kids start preferring their peers over their family. Ths is the age when rebellious attitude is most commonly seen and this is the age where most of the conflicts between parents and their kids start. So its really hard to control kids in this age. Its only the morality and conscience that can keep them on track in this age and save from regretting for rest of their life. Development of these characters starts very early, perhaps on the day when the baby first opens his/her eyes. Recommended approach in this age is never to restrict the children, rather letting them know clearly what is wrong and what's right.

Showing the dark side of picture to the children doesnot have a long lasting effect. Rather positive points of not doing something can work better.

Boys are even more careless in this age and in my opinion, usually its a boy who forces a girl to loose her virginity. So knowing the company of ur daughter is really important. And if u feel any uncomfortable signs about any of them, do let ur daughter about ur feelings in a soft n gentle way.

And one thing that was said in one of the earlier post, i would like to repeat that you cant stop her, its gonna be she herself who is gonna decide, so just help her understand the matter and leave her to decide.

And also, dont get too worried about it, it can be counter productive.

CHeers

[neon69]

well mom...i think that your daughter will be more than appreciative if you talk to her. slow down on the purity ring. talk to her and ash her what her views of sex are. maybe tell her about stds and aids and how waiting for the right guy is important but exploring your sexuality is important too. b\i'm not saying let her have sex but she might have some questions on the topic so instead of being a mom to your daughter be her friend that is what she really needs at this age. trust me my mom is my best friend and i can talk to her about anything and we don't argue as much as when i was your daughters age. so try to start early to be her friend...email me back and tell me how it went.

[tabooty]

I have a 12 1/2 yr old daughter too. Boys have been slobbering on my doorstep for the last year and a half. I watch shows like Degrassi with her and it seems to prompt her to bring up issues to me as opposed to me bringing it up with her. She seems more comfortable when she brings it up and it's "about other people or shows". This way she can voice her opinion or ask certain questions without being defensive.

[Mistress_Nyx]

My parents were pretty open with my sister and I about everything BUT sex. In my family, we work on a don't ask, don't tell basis.

My sister being 7 years older than I helped guide me a bit with sex. LOL, I still remember going condom shopping with her and she would tell me the differences between the brands and styles.

I know when I was a teenager lots of kids were sexually active, myself being one of them. But at that time teen pregnancy wasn't a big problem as it is today. I think I was in my senior year when it became prevalent. After that, it seemed that it was a trend to have a baby (hell, it still is).

You can't stop her from having sex short of locking her up and slapping a chastity belt on her. But talking to her and maybe sitting her down in front of the TV for some daytime talk shows could help change her mind. Yes, Maurie Povich and Ricki Lake CAN be good for something (shudder to think). I am sure there are some community groups out in your area that have talks about teenage pregnancy that could help dissuade her also.

Instilling too many rules and ultimatums can turn her rebellious. I've seen it happen to the best of them. So you are best to take a subtle approach, no demands. For kicks, take her down to the local welfare center or planned parenthood just to sit in the car and see what walks in and out of there. Most of which are teenagers who have gotten pregnant and have no way of supporting themselves and had to leave school along with the experience of growing up and their dreams put on hold indefinately or just gone.