Talking to Mom about BC

[siedawg]

I was wondering if anybody could give me tips on talking to mom about going on birth control. Just to establish a base, im 14 and my bf is 17, this is basically my first boyfriend, but we have talked about having sex, and i want to go on the pill, but i just dont know how to approach this with my Mom.
Any suggestions

Thanks

[oberon]

Well, anything I say is going to sound like I'm telling a 14 yr old to have sex. *I'm not. *I think you need to seriously consider if you are ready and definitely think about the possible consequences.

But I also KNOW 14 yr olds. *IF, If, if you are going to do this anyway: *Tell your mother that you would like to start BC. *A reason can be to help "smooth out" your period. *If she won't help you, then try a clinic.

Even if you get on birth control, here are a few things you should know.

1. *Birth control does ABSOLUTELY nothing to prevent STDs.

2. *Birth control is NOT 100% effective- you could still get pregnant. SO...

3. *Even on birth control HE should use a condom. *If he refuses, then DON"T DO IT.

4. *Condoms are not 100% effective. *There is a 2-3% chance of getting pregnant or an STD using just a condom.

5. *Reduce the risk even more- Use a spermicidal gel or foam. *Using one that contains nonoxynol-9 may even help prevent HIV.

6. *You CAN get an STD. *No matter how much you love him or how much you trust him. *Love and trust each other enough to play safe- *Anyone who won't doesn't have your best interest at heart.

If you think I'm over the top on this, consider losing the next 18 years of your life to raise a child. *Or even worse, a disease that you will have to live with for the REST of your life- which could be considerably shorter. *And I've just talked about the physical issues, I haven't even mentioned the emotional ones.

Asking about birth control is very, VERY smart. *Just make sure you stay smart and plan things to go as YOU want them to. *Take Care.

[Bewitching]

Please, Siedawg, listen to Oberon on this one.

Everything he stated is 100% correct. Now, i REALLY don't wanna be offensive here, especially considering i dont know you and your partner. HOWEVER, many men his age and around that will do anything to make sure he's the girls' "first" - men always want to do the honours in "popping the cherry". I have mates who've done this and waited for their "girls" to turn 16 so that no legal matter could arise from it. Not long after, the girl gets the flick. Men will make you feel like a princess so that they can get in your pants and will do anything to assure that it's them who gets in first. As i said, i'm not saying that's your bf, but have a think about your situation.

Reconsider your options - how long have you been together? And IF you do end up going ahead, please for the sake of god, use a CONDOM!!! Being 14 and sexually active is scary to imagine - as much as you think you know what's going on around you, you'll be very surprised to find out just how much about yourself you actually know.

Just please, reconsider and be safe!!! Please dont take my advice as an insult, i know it may come across as that but trust me when i say "I know what i'm talking about" and despite the fact i dont know you, i really do care!!!!!

Keep safe!

[WallyLlama]

I'm even more old-fashioned. I have some serious issues with you having this serious a relationship with a 17 year old. I think you need to have a conversation with your Mom, but there are two topics you should discuss with your Mom before you talk about birth control:

1. Your relationship with this guy... the age differences (they are important at your age), what exactly the relationship is and where it might go, etc.

2. The "birds and bees" - not so much in terms of a "how to" but in terms of how sex fits into a relationship and how having it/not having it affect the relationship.

You won't have to dig too far into these forums to find people who regret becoming sexually active too early. Read the thread "Compaired." There's another thread (can't remember the title) that will show the panic that happens when you think your pregnant in spite of using birth control.

Listen to the advice and learn from other's experience.

Wally

[siedawg]

I just want to say thanks and add a few things to what you have said.
My parents already know we are going out, and they are pretty cool with it, and they are extremely strict. Also this guy I trust so much, he hasnt had a gf since he was my age, and has NEVER had sex, I know his girlfriends, and they reasurred me that it is true. He says he doesnt care if we have sex or not, he just plain likes me, i just want to think about the future for if anything happens is all.
SieDawg

[Bewitching]

Just keep positive and remember, there's no rush.

Good on ya girl for seeking advice, it's the right thing to do.

[LittleFury]

One of my concerns is that if you go on a pill, you'll eb getting hormones. And you're 14. I have been told by some doctors and nurses that going that early on a hormonal pill might have some bad effect on you. It is recommended that a girl starts taking them then she's a bit older and completely past puberty.
My another concern is that you mgiht not be emotionally ready. First times, even for older women is not all peaches and cream, it can be sometimes a pretty taumatic experience and in younger age, it mgiht be even more traumatic.
OTher then that, I agree with many things others have said. And don't be afraid to pm me if you need to.

[oberon]

Whew! I'm glad you sound so grounded. And I'm glad others came along to back me up. (I just knew I sounded like an old fuddy-duddy...lol) I don't have children (nor do I plan to) but the idea of someone as young as 14 dealing with the issues of sex, STDs, and pregnancy scares the daylights out of me.

Sounds, from your description, like your guy is a good one. That being the case, he shouldn't mind waiting until YOU are ready, and you are both ready to deal with any negative consequences. Take care.

[mels'A'flirt]

well since everything has already been said here..thank you very much! lol

sex is highly over rated
and IMO--its not that great till ya get used to it--but seriously--dont rush into anything. this 1 chick i used to be friends with was on the pill each time she got preggo..her oldest is 14, 13, then 11..but if you do consider going on some kind of BC--i recommend the DEPO SHOT--its a shot that they give you in your arm (used to be your ass--but apparently some people have big asses & more fat--therefore it was less effective), and its given once every 3 months.

mel

[oberon]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (mels'A'flirt @ April 28 2004,23:08)]sex is highly over rated

LOL mels'A'flirt.

Reminds me of a line from "Designing Women".
Suzanne Sugarbaker:

"I don't understand what the big deal is about sex. *People write books about it, marriages break up over it. *We're talking about what? Six or seven seconds here. *I mean, it's okay, but not as good as, say, shopping or somebody putting a crown on your head."
*