Worried about pain & stretching

[Seikima]

My penis is quite a bit larger than average for a white American, especially in girth, and my girlfriend is a virgin. We want to have sex, but after a couple of attempts it's still too painful for her. She keeps saying she's afraid we'll never be able to have normal sex although she's willing to continue to try.

The bigger concern for her is that if she did get used to my size, it might stretch her out and make for a less satisfying experience with a smaller penis if she should end up with someone else in the future. She's Japanese, and through various channels it has been confirmed for me that it's no myth that in general Asian men don't measure up to Westerners. Just as in America there is the saying "Once you go black you don't go back" they have a similar saying in Japan about sex with Western men. In all likelihood if we broke up she would end up with a Japanese guy, and she is afraid that accomodating my size would mean less enjoyment for her and/or her partner in the future.

I think this worry is part of the reason she's having such a hard time with sex. Is this a legitimate concern or is she just worrying too much? Would the effects of us having sex be irreversible? I've never had sex with a virgin before, so I'm a little concerned about it too. If she were to end up with someone else some day I would hate to think that I damaged her future sex life.

[LittleFury]

OK, first off, the second paragrath is bull. UNless she becomes like Sylvia Saint or someone like that, she will not get stretched out so that it's not as enjoyable to her. Also, really, skill matters way mroe then the size.
What you guys do need to do is read really carefully thorugh this board and the site. Ok, a bit speaking from experience...she will need a lot of forplay, but not overly much that she starts drying out, use a lot of lube, be very slow and gentle. The first time it will most likely hurt, so find a position in which she will get hurt tyhe least. For me, missionary worked best, but most say that woman on top might be better. Take it really slow and read her signals. For me, it eased a bit once he was all the way inside of me. So that might help, once you're inside of her, give her a bit to adjust and then start moving very slow and gentle. Very first time, she might not be able to alst long though, can get sore pretty fast. After you're done, if she feels really sore and bleeding a bit, she could try putting cool damn washcloth there, that usually helps me. LEt her heal up after that, and then try again. Just take your time and let her adjust.
And I don't see why you could ruin it for her. If you take your time and be sensitive to ehr needs, it should be fine once she gets used to it. Good luck

[demonbuttercup]

fury makes good points
did you read all the posts under
first time pain and bleeding
be sure to read all of those
as far as stretching i don't think you'll have anything to worry about.
i mean the vagina is very elastic, it can handle a baby for pete's sake. so it can handle your penis. just give it some time.

[WallyLlama]

Agreed with most of what's been said... but I'd add that I think I'd look below the surface on this one... you said yourself that she may "have a problem with sex." I can't help but wonder if her hesitancy is about more than "stretching worries" or your size.

She's a virgin.

She's not sure you and her are "forever."

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she may be concerned about giving up her virginity period and the size issue is just smoke. (Good for your ego too -- what a wonderful way to say "no.&quot She's certainly within her right and I'd encourage you to respect her choice and understand her hesitation.

I sense you're concerned about her long term and that's admirable. You might want to consider the possiblity that she's just not ready.

Wally

[Seikima]

Thanks for all your suggestions. I do think the main problem is that she's a worrier - about everything really, but particularly about sex. For various reasons I think she genuinely believes the biggest problem is about size and pain, but I know she has other worries too that are more deeply rooted and go even beyond sex or relationships directly.

I've told her a number of times that I can wait until she's ready but she seems unsatisfied with that because she thinks it's unfair to me and she wants us to be able to have sex. So, at this point I don't know what will become of our sex life, but at least if I there's a chance I can allay her fear about being permanently "ruined" that's one step forward.

And yes, I did read the other threads about first-time sex. We've managed insertion while I'm partially flaccid, but even without movement once I'm inside she says the pain is too intense when I'm fully erect. I bought her a moderately sized dildo to possibly assist in opening her up a bit, and there was no problem with that, but when when we try sex she says it constantly switches between feeling good and being very painful, but ultimately the pain wins out.

Anyway, whether or not she truly does want to do it as she says, I know she's afraid of sex and I guess that's just something we'll have to work through one way or another.

[demonbuttercup]

well i she can take a moderately sized dildo w/ no pain then i don't see why it would be just EXTREME pain to take your penis.
its apparent her hymen is already gone so that part is out of the way.
unless you penis is the size of a 20 oz coke bottle...lol, i don't see conflict.
do like one person suggested
enter her like a half inch at a time or so.
stay like that for a few minutes, enter another inch. keep doing that till you are all the way in. don't start thrusting tho, just keep your penis inside her maybe 5-10 minutes and allow the vagina to become fully comfortable w/ it in there.
that would allow the entire length of her vagina to start to open up a little not just the opening.

[oberon]

Might I also suggest that there are other ways to achieve sexual gratification as well- such as oral sex and mutual masturbation. While these might not be as "rewarding" to you as intercourse, they might begin to smooth the way. And then, possibly, time and communication will further your explorations together.