Sex Ed & Youth 101

[ELF]

That's very true. My parents have taught me nothing. I learnt abit at primary school, and everything else off ppl on the internet...like here.

I think its a good idea, bc parents haven't experienced everything, whereas on a forum you're bound to get loadsa ppl who can understand and help you.

[Guido]

I recently had a chat with someone about this topic and thought I would re-air this one by posting part of my message as follows - anyone care to add their thoughts?

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ] I looked through the posts on age (on this site) and the youngest person I could find was 15, with most newcomers in late teens. So, not TOO young to be here.

The way I see it, if the youngsters are old enough to be wondering about sex, and are mature enough to at least find their way here (as opposed to a porn site or sex chatroom - which is where they would go if they just wanted to look at sex and talk dirty), then they are old enough to be welcome here and to get a straight answer to their questions and concerns.

It would be nice if teens could get this stuff from their parents and teachers, but it seems sex education can often be sadly lacking. With the diseases out there and the risk of pregnancy, they deserve to get access to the facts, BEFORE it is too late.

Yeah, the occasional immature teen comes here, but they still need to know about the dangers out there. Even pedestrians need to know the rules of the road, so as not to get run over!

Learning is part of maturing, so maybe we are killing two birds with one stone here (as they say). Even an older bird like me has lots to learn still; I learn something new from you young 'uns all the time. Knowledge shared is knowledge multiplied - both ways!

[Stephanie083099]

No matter how old you are you can always learn something new. I feel that this message board is good for the young teens out there. It is good to inform them about sex because maybe they don't get informed in school or home.
Just think of it this way, would you rather them not know anything about sex and have sex without knowledge of all the STD's out there, or have knowledge of that and make sure they get tested and use protection.
No matter what they know, if they really want to have sex, they are going to have it either way. So at least with the message board, they are informed about it.

[?wiseman?]

Wow, deja vu. I'd swear I heard Guido's words someplace before. I agree with all he has to say and would like to add a couple things.

This forum is a valuable source of information for all ages. HOWEVER, it is not a substitute for having open and honest communication with your PARENTS. I know it's tough, (just last night my 9-yr old son asked me what a tampon was) but as a parent I can tell you that our love is unconditional for our kids. We are much more receptive of the idea that a teenager would come to us to discuss questions about relationships and sex, than we are "Mom, Dad, I think I'm (or my girl friend's) pregnant," or taking you to the doctor for a course of penicillin.

Despite all of the great advice and suggestions posted here, there are still occassional posts under the general topic "Could I be Pregnant?" Please understand that no matter how careful you are and how many precautions you take, boyfriends and girlfriends will still count the days to her period.

Ask questions, become informed, but simply because you've read alot about swimming, that doesn't mean you're ready to jump into the surf. Be knowledgeable, but be smart with that knowledge.

[Hello]

agreed wiseman, but the very act of talking to parents endagers a teens sex life. for the majority of teens, they live at home with their rents, who mostly know they got a g/f / b/f, and have met them, and allow them to come round and visit and such, but the average parent would not realise exactly wot their teen gets up to with said bf/gf. Nor do they realise that leaving the house empty is a rare oppurtunity for the teen to have some fun, and most parents i think would go off their rocker if they found out their little timothy, or baby julie had been rocking the bedpost in joyous sex for a while. SO, while it would be nice to be open with parents about things like sex, its really not possible, the majority of parents are far too protective, and would prefer their spawn to wait for another 10 years before engaging in sexual practises. if parents understood that their teens are gonna get up to stuff, and presented oppurtunities for it, then this would be a much better, much safer way of things working.

[lonely19yrold]

Sex education should be more than just the cycle of pregnancy, like what I experienced with both of the sex ed classes I was in during elementary and middle school. I really didn't learn much about it until I volunteered for the AIDS Benefit in Telluride. And that wasn't even a part of the school curriculum...

[?wiseman?]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Hello @ May 07 2003,14:45)]agreed wiseman, but the very act of talking to parents endagers a teens sex life. . . if parents understood that their teens are gonna get up to stuff, and presented oppurtunities for it, then this would be a much better, much safer way of things working.

Interesting counterpoints Hello. We sometimes forget that Parents HAVE been in your shoes and DO know that you're gonna get up to stuff. We simply want to make sure that you make an informed decision. The question is not "Am I mature enough to have sex." The question is "Am I mature enough to know when I should have sex and am I mature enought to handle the responsibilities and potential consequences that come with the act?"

Now I've not had to have this conversation yet, and no doubt that many parents don't relish that first conversation. But I think the most difficult task, for the parent, is explaining what sex is and how everything works. The most difficult part for the teen, is continuing to listen when the conversation turns to protection, stds and pregnancy.

Here's part of a post from lilone back in September. I think it really hits the nail on the head. I would only modify her last sentence to read "Parents AND THEIR CHILDREN need to learn that education is a form of protection, not permission."

My H is not at all thrilled about me talking to the kids so openly about sex, but i hope they both know that i will answer any question they have, and that they will not be afraid to ask. i have even told the 12yo during one of our conversations about sex and relationships to please wait till he is older, but no matter how old he is, please ask me if he needs someone to buy condoms for him. i don't know if he will, but he at least knows he can.

Parents need to learn that education is a form of protection, not permission.

[yippi]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (?wiseman? @ May 08 2003,10:13)]The question is not "Am I mature enough to have sex." The question is "Am I mature enough to know when I should have sex and am I mature enought to handle the responsibilities and potential consequences that come with the act?"

"Parents AND THEIR CHILDREN need to learn that education is a form of protection, not permission."

Some excellent points made here.

I don't really have anything to add except that the 2 comments I quoted above are gold nuggets that bear re-quoting time and again!

[Hello]

again good points wiseman, but the same kids are gonna have sex whether their parents agree to it or not, i know for a fact that mine think i should wait, what they dont know is that ive been active for the best part of a year now. they are safe with this knowledge, i regreted the first time, but feel that i am now mature enough to make the decision, after my first time i left it, and pulled back from having sex since then, the oppurtunity was there, everything was primed, but i thought it best to leave it, and so did. i have made decisions and stuck by those decisions, so i feel i am mature enough to make a decision about it, but in my parents eyes im still their little son, so i dont discuss my sex life with them, other adults i know all think it is fine and dandy to do it, but i think that caring for a child and bringing it up, and seeing it grow from a young age predisposes u to want them to wait, and wait and wait, especially while they live at home. this doesnt mean all parents are like that, just most. parents cant help it i dont think, but then again im not a parent and can only go from what i c. any other parents out there like to challenge this, or anyone agree with this?

[ItalStall]

As a parent with kids ranging from late teen to early 20's I thought I would throw in our parental perspective.

First of all, we wanted our kids to be educated about sex, so that they made informed decisions when the time came, whenever that was or will be. We talk to them about sex and we encourage them to come here (and other reputable places) to round out their knowledge, fill in the gaps and to maintain their privacy (it's ok that they don't want to tell us everything).

Second, we wanted them to wait until they were mature enough to handle the responsibilities and potential consequences that come with the act - to quote from above.

Third, whatever and whenever they decide, we wanted them to feel safe and secure in their environment (we would prefer the first time wasn't in the back of some car or down some alley-way, where they might not feel physically safe).

If our kids have sex, then they have sex - we can't stop that. We don't want the fact rubbing in our face, but we appreciate that they don't hide it from us and that we have a good enough communication that we can acknowledge it and be ok with it.

In a general way (not related to sex in this case - but still relevant), my eldest once said to me, "You treat me like a child". My reply was, "When you are 50 and I am 73, you will still be my child. It has nothing to do with your age, it is about my love and concern for you as a parent, which will last my whole life."

Once she understood that being concerned and protective for her didn't mean I didn't respect her maturity and decision-making, it made a big difference to how she saw my input. That is (I hope) where your parents are coming from. Sometimes parents confuse caring for you, with making your decisions for you - realize that as a child grows up, it is as hard for the parent to adapt as it is for the child! You both have to be tolerent, open to communication and prepared to compromise to make it work.

We trust our kids to make the best decision they can, because they are informed and because they have shown themselves to be mature in other decisions they have made. It may not always be the decision we would have made for them - but hey, even parents can be wrong sometimes . So far we have not been disappointed.