Mentioning sex for the first time

[Will]

Ok, im a 19 year odl male and this is my fisrt message posted here on this website so here it goes. I am currently dating a younger girl, 16, and we have been going out for about 7 1/2 months. Both she and I are virgins and I'm not sure how to mention sex, when i do of course. I realize she is much younger than I and I'm not saying that I am goign to mention it too her soon, but when i do, i have no idea how to do it. Can someone help!

[Shorty43]

Well, it is something important to mention at some point. I think the way you bring it up really depends on how far you've gone. I never talked about sex with my boyfriend, not once, and we were both OK with that. We started out as friends and then one night I fell asleep with him watching a movie, and it happened over and over. Then I went home with him for a weekend, a well we fell asleep in the same bed again and that's when things took off and we started playing around. About 2 months later we both looked at each other and just knew that was it.

I guess if I were you, I'd be upfront about sex, I wouldn't try to casually slip it into a conversation or anything. Do you know anything about how she feels about sex? Like, what is her reaction if you two are watching a movie and two people start to have sex? I think the way you aproach her is going to be very much based on your girlfriend's personality.

Also, I know you guys have been together for a while now, but she is a few years younger than you, so before you venture into a sexual relationship make sure that you really do love her. Tell her you love her and mean it, kiss her, do things you know she likes, and something sweet on Valentine's Day. If she trusts you and knows that you are truly in love with her you bringing having sex should not cause stress.

[xx22xx]

Well you shouldn't feel uncomfortable talking about sex if you've been together for 7.5 months...and if you are then that's a sign that you're not ready for it. Also, it would make sense to do all the other stuff (foreplay) before sex, including oral and all that so you know how everything goes.

I would say just bring it up straight out. There's no sense in 'beating around the bush' if it's a serious 'topic'

You also need to consider birth control...more than one kind.

[ELF]

Well since tomorrow is VALENTINE'S DAY i guess you could try something then.

Give a rose or something like that to get it started. Make sure you kiss her too. But don't go straight for sex. Or if she's a bit on the wild side, get a pair of fluffy handcuffs, and ask her if she wants to try them out??

G'dLuck

[starstruckfemale16]

i agree with these posts. i was with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 months. im a virgin. after about 2 months he mentioned sex. i was very upset by this. one because it had never been discussed before and 2 because i knew i was not ready for this and that i didnt love him. after that things just went down hill and we broke up, not because of that but because we didnt feel the same anymore. but i felt like he just wanted me for sex. in your case its different. you have been together ages, and im sure bringin it up in the right way will make you both feel comfortable. does she love you? has she told you? if she does then im sure she wont get angry like i did. goodluck. tell me what happens. x x x

[xx22xx]

If you're mentioning sex, or bringing it up for that matter, there's NO reason at all to get upset. You can't not talk about it, that just won’t work. If you can't mention it, then you can't talk about it, then you can't get upset because you've never talked about it...you've got to start somewhere.

If she's not ready to talk about it, accept that and just tell her to say something when she is. She's got to be ready for it in more than one way...like mentally, physically, emotionally, whatever. I don't suggest doing it on Valentine’s Day, and if you change the way you're acting, and then talk about sex, she's going to see right through that and think that you're acting that way because you want sex. And I'm sure that's not true.

You also need to not only discuss sex, but what kind of birth control(s) you will use and consider what is practical and available to you. Don't forget to make sure you know how to use it.

In my opinion, I don't think you need to be in love to have sex. I'm not saying that you are, but sometimes that's what people think. It should be with someone you care about, and someone you know

So act like you always have, but talk it out. Don't plan it out, and don't do it on Valentine's Day.

[Will]

Thak nyou to everyoine who has written so far, i think all of your ideas have been wonderful. I know we love eachother cause we have expressed our feelings. I'm not the type to act differently and i have been very considerate along the way with her, considering i have been her first everything. I will mention it when the time is right and make sure i do it properly, which i think is straight out too. I encourage anyone ho has topics about nething to send me a message. I'm willing to talk about nething really. Thanks Again.

[starstruckfemale16]

if ya need any help dont b afraid 2 ask.

[starstruckfemale16]

super guru i disagree a little. i do think your 1st time should be with someone you truely love and have your full trust in. you should remember your 1st time as special and not just someone you know

[xx22xx]

Uhh hmm, maybe that's why I said in my opinion? You can trust people without loving them, and it's true that some people may prefer their first time to be casual sex. I think it would make more sense to be able to be with someone for your first time, then not look back on it and be like --oh he broke my heart, boo hoo--, it should be something pleasant to look back on. It also doesn't have to be someone you 'just know' because I had sex with my at the time boyfriend, and I didn't love him, or more like I wasn't in love with him. I'm 15 and it's not like I’m going to go around --Oh I love my boyfriend-- because #1, at this age it freaks guys out. #2, it would freak me out too if he was saying that after only 4 months or so, and besides, if you have a good first time what's wrong with that?