Hello everyone :). Im new to sex and have only been having for sex for almost a month. My partner tells me im an animal in bed (i blame this on being a leo) and when he orgasm's its always so good. But i have one problem. I cant orgasm!! Everytime i try to go, it never works. I dont know if im trying to hard or if my partner simply isnt pleasing me in the right way. Can you guys give me any advice on what to do?:confused:
Thu, 04/19/2007 - 02:48
#1
New to sex.
Start by reading this, it's very good:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new_sex/19803-for_women_only-_help_why_c...
Try links in this thread
Plus there are plenty of stickies on the subject under pleasing him, her, and new to sex
Dejavu lol
Yes, i already read that. Thank you very much for the reply though.
Great minds think alike Demon!
To the OP: did you find anything good or helpful in the thread?
Yes i did, but i feel like i need more advice. I feel totally helpless
Okay, can you make yourself orgasm? Have you showed him what works? This is one of the few times I will ever say this...it sounds as if his technique plain sucks. He get himself off, and just sticks it in? Then he leaves you high and dry?
I will say I can understand your frustration. Has he ever looked at a book? Or both together? Like the Joy of sex? Kama Sutra? Tantra sex?
Here is a basic site, has some info not too bad but good for beginners...
http://www.tantra.com/
Neither of you have been with anyone else, so it's hard to figure out what and how's. But it's a learning process you do together. Maybe approach it that way with him???
Yes, i can make myself orgasm, but only by watching porn because it gets me "off" so well. I have yet to tell my partner about this, and this is what i think the problem is.
His technique does suck!! This is what im frustrated about. After he's done going, he DOES leave me high and dry and i hate it.
I just dont feel like im truly satisfied at all.
:(
If he jerks off..then just sticks it in...is he even still hard?? does he cum again during sex?
It sounds as if he does not know any better...trust me I never say anything about sex techniques. Kama Sutra books have a lot of techniques for "smaller" men. It's about finding pleasure in very small and deliberate movements...
Get this DVD series and watch it together, learn together...
http://www.bettersex.com/better-sex-video-series-ch-1.aspx
It's like $39.99...and they have cool stuff on the whole website...
No, he's not even that hard anymore. And he doesnt cum during sex!! Im very frustrated about this. But the reason i dont say anything to him is because im afraid i might hurt him emotionally and i dont want to do that to him because i do care about him.
At some point you have to have an open conversation with him about what is happening in bed. In all honesty it sounds like he masturbates and gives you a few seconds of pleasure, then it's over.
There are nice ways to try to expand what you do together. You learn together. No, I understand you care about him and you just cannot come out and say something awful, but you have to let him know what you are doing together is not enough for you. Begin with an open conversation, ask him is he pleased with your sex-life or techniques for making love? See what his response is.
Your S/O really needs to learn and get educated on how to please you! That is the MOST important thing, for one time it's all about YOU...LOL...He probably "missed" that lecture about making "her" feel good first and then getting off for him. It's gonna take some education for him, but he'll feel much better knowing that you are feeling awesome!
ohhhhhhhh and sorry but it's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay past a certain poster's bedtime! LOL:D
[quote=HardNgood;175483]ohhhhhhhh and sorry but it's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay past a certain poster's bedtime! LOL:D[/quote]
You are too funny! Yeap, it's another late one! :)
LOL!
Honestly, he does get all the attention and i feel like i only get a few minutes, BECAUSE THATS HOW IT IS!
He gave his virginity to me, so he IS new at sex, and me also, but i still feel like he needs to do some reading and some homework on how to please me.
Im not quite ready to tell him to his face yet, i want to wait just a little bit more.
I mean if what you said is the case.. then you aren't really having sex..technically. If he jerks off and then sticks it in for a few seconds... its like what's the point?
Plus... are you on BCpills or anything like that... I mean he ejaculates then enters you. If he's not even hard..then you can't put a condom on that.
I know, i told him were not really having sex but he continues to tell me that we are. Even though i know were not.
Yes im on BC pills, im not about to have a kid right now in my life.
I know if he's not that hard that i cant put a condom on, BUT ITS NOT EVEN SEX! :(
Tell him he's having sex but you are not Lol :)
LOL
This dude is a piece of work!!
I mean how does he even insert it? just stuffs it in?
Doesn't he understand the correct order of things? Foreplay=hard penis, wet vagina.... penis inserted into vagina... move in and out until ejaculation!
He seems to be going the opposite order LOL
[QUOTE=demonbuttercup;175600]LOL
This dude is a piece of work!!
I mean how does he even insert it? just stuffs it in?
Doesn't he understand the correct order of things? Foreplay=hard penis, wet vagina.... penis inserted into vagina... move in and out until ejaculation!
He seems to be going the opposite order LOL[/QUOTE]
lol in full agreement with this one.
you can tell him your getting the appetizer while he is getting the buffet with a cherry on top?
(buffet = self serve)
LOL
good analogy :)
At first to get me wet he'll just straight up finger me, which kind of gets annoying because dry fingers hurt like a bitch in the first place.
Then he'll insert pretty hard after he ejaculates because by then he's really turned on.
Umm no! lol
You and your b/f should read this thread by Doc
Intercouse and the gentle art of humping
Basically it walks you thru the "phases" of foreplay and sex. Like plenty of making out and such before you even involve the genitals.
I especially like when my b/f sucks on my nipples.. this usually starts getting me really wet... then he'll rub my clit thru my panties and eventually finger me while he's doing the nipple play... that REALLY feels good.
You don't just dive directly to the clit or start inserting things w/out the girl being aroused!
I dunno... I just wouldn't have sex w/ this guy if he's not open to listen to any suggestions you have as far as NOTHING he does is pleasurable...of course don't put it like that.. but let him know that how he approaches sex isn't the way YOU enjoy it.
You were both virgins right? You have to learn together... he apparently thinks he knows it all... but I mean even the most "seasoned" vets on this board are constantly learning.
I know that fingering without lube or without getting me aroused isnt good, but i love him so i let him do what he wants.
I know i eventually have to talk to him, but how can i tell him and bring this subject up without hurting his feelings??
[QUOTE=Sexpert44;175453]Yes i did, but i feel like i need more advice. I feel totally helpless[/QUOTE]
Please help us help you.
What direction should our input and suggestions take?
How my partner can please me better and so that he doesnt have all the attention.
[quote=Sexpert44;175664]How my partner can please me better and so that he doesnt have all the attention.[/quote]
Hopefully Doc hops in here.
This begins with having an open discussion and him realizing that your pleasure is required. How do you tell him? In a kind way, just say we need to discuss what is happening in bed because I am finding some of it physically uncomfortable...and continue. He needs to learn the basics of arousal and the basics of sex. He needs to realize it's not just about him, it's about both of you (and it sounds like a mild form of torture for you). It may hurt his feelings that he was not doing it right, but how much more can you take? Part of being an adult is discussing sex and what makes the other person happy. Generally, we seek these answers from our partner and try.
Have you thought of getting him on the board to read about sex basics? If he is closed to these ideas, I would reconsider the relationship or get him a blow up doll. If he is going to do nothing about this, you have to be the one to initiate or stop what's happening. What if YOU take control over what you are doing in bed? Gently guide him to a more gentle, less self-gratifying technique?
[QUOTE=sera300;175666] He needs to learn the basics of arousal and the basics of sex. He needs to realize it's not just about him, it's about both of you (and it sounds like a mild form of torture for you). It may hurt his feelings that he was not doing it right, but how much more can you take? Part of being an adult is discussing sex and what makes the other person happy. Generally, we seek these answers from our partner and try.
[/QUOTE]
Agreed!
I know you don't want to hurt his feelings... I am the same way.. there are times I would like to tell my b/f certain things...but they are kind of things he really has no control over..so I keep them to myself. :(
I usually go out of my way to make sure people "like" me and not to offend anyone... in life in general.
But even I don't think I could handle what you are going through LOL I would have stopped having sex a long time ago. I would be constantly saying I have a headache or Im too tired... or Im on my period LOL.
I mean it's probably not the best way to bring up the subject...but if you are continuously "not in the mood" maybe he'll get the hint and bring up the subject himself. I know you are very shy and its hard to get the ball rolling. I am sure Doc will have a effective yet not too harsh way of telling this guy. I was reading back and you are 17 and he's 21 right??? He's a big boy! He should be mature enough to handle constructive criticism. Sometimes people tell you things about yourself you don't want or like to hear... whether its in relationships, the workplace, the bedroom....but in the end you realize you are better for listening to them and trying to improve yourself...instead of thinking you know it all!!!
Thank you very much for both of your advice. I will use and it and see what happens. I would also like to be more open about talking about sex and seeing what his reaction is. In the end, if he doesnt respond well, then i suppose its not meant to be.