well I think that when u move around alot its because u like it and you just cant keep still, it probally wont freak him out or annoy him, becuase he will think hes doing a goood job. lol. as for the whips and chains, if u like it and he likes it go for it, but if you dont try sumthing different like sex toys

Read everything in Chick Chat.

> He is waiting for me to know when I'm ready, which I love about him, how he doesn't push me into stuff....then theres the whole whips and paddles. I'm deeply afraid of that pain, but I really want to please him and keep him interested in me.

I know, I pulled this out of context, but am I reading this correctly? Your lovemaking has so far not included intercourse and you are already worried about whips and paddles and any associated pain? Where did this fear come from? Most women expecting to experience intercourse for the first time are worried about any discomfort from initial penetration to include rupturing the hymen. Has this not been a concern?

As for putting things into proper perspective, some things like paddling, and "torture" are illusions. We tickle or spank just enough to cause a minor discomfort or sting--not enough to be considered abuse. Just like fights in the movies or falls from tall buildings, what you see and experience is not what actually took place. If you are anticipating activities that will tie you to the bedposts, cause you to be tickled, "whipped", or paddled, then it is an absolute imperative that the two of you have a SAFE WORD that will put an immediate hault to any proceedings then and there, no questions asked. The word must be something that does not come up in normal conversation. Words or phrases like "stop", "stop you're hurting me", "no more", "don't do that", etc., must not be used for this purpose.

A person tied to the bedposts must have at least one hand tied loosely enough for him/her to get loose if desired. The results of receiving a paddling should not hurt or cause injury. There can be a big wind up or "production" as part of the act, yet the end result is just a little sting. So, too, for spanking. Tickling should be considered torture. Do it with respect and in moderation. There is a fine line between pain and pleasure--DO NOT CROSS THE LINE. An example of this is to squeeze a testicle when the man is at the trigger point of his orgasm just enough to cause an anoying little ache. Why?

Normally, when he is not aroused doing this would not actually hurt, although it would be annoying. When a man is highly aroused, this same little ache is perceived by the pleasure center of the brain to actually be pleasurable and the discomfort can do two things. First, it can augment the sensations immediately prior to an orgasm as well as those during the experience; second, the discomfort can help jumpstart an orgasm that is being difficult to trigger, like perhaps the second or third in a multiple string.

> I never cum...is that normal? ...when I do, I stop when I moan really loud and my hand can't move anymore.

Brandye has stated many times that not every woman can achieve an orgasm. A certain percentage can and cannot. You may never know unless and until you give the process your all. Equally as important is that your partner cannot give one to you. The reason why is because each of us is responsible for our own. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help our partner achieve his/her own. Until each one of us experiences a few orgasms and establishes the necessary connections between all the millions of sensitive nerve endings in the skin and the brain, we cannot just automatically expect an orgasm to magically happen. The pathway to Nirvana is actually a process or a routine of motions, rhythms, and pressures that we come to rely upon to bring about our orgasms. Until you know just what to do to cause them, you cannot expect your partner to know. He must learn to mimic your technique and this means that you must guide his movements several times until he gets the knack of it. The same holds true for him with you.

> I want my first time with him to be magical.

It very well can be; however, this does not necessarily mean that the first time or two will go without a hitch or two. It they happen, laugh them off and go with the flow. Do not make a big deal out it or conclude that this is the end of the world.

> I'm afraid I'll turn him off because I'm not perfectly skinny. I'm just afraid that if he sees me naked. he will be grossed out because I have some flab on my body.

When we become attracted to and committed to another individual we accept them totally and unconditionally and this includes the parts as yet unseen. Do not worry needlessly about this. None of us is perfect or has a perfect body.

> I'm just afraid that if he sees me naked. he will be grossed out because I have some flab on my body.

Two things:
T#1. If he is then he is a jerk and you should consider ending the relationship right then and there.
T#2. Sexual attraction works in strange and mysterious ways. When he sees you naked for the first time he will be enamoured by all that he sees. Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. Wanna whet his appetite? Wear a bikini or two-piece bathing suit. Alternately, if you two are making out, then begin removing clothes if you have not been doing this already.

> he really likes bjs...but I have a gagging reflex...so...what can I do to give him a bj but not gag?

Simple. First of all, know that you as the woman and receiver set the boundaries. It is your choice whether or not to let a man ejaculate in your mouth. It is also your choice whether or not to swallow. He must abide by your decisions.

If you decide this is a loving act to participate in then a couple of things need to happen. First, the man must learn to associate those feelings that immediately precede an orgasm soon enough so he does not loose control. This is so you can move around and "assume the position" for intercourse without him loosing control; or, so the woman can change strategy and either remove his penis; or, so that she can change tactics and either speed up or slow down what she is doing depending upon her intent. Second, to prevent gagging, simply raise the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth and let the semen squirt against the bottom surface.

> he likes anal, but i hate it, but i want to please him, but I bleed easily that I know because I take special medicine to clean out my body which gives me dirreah¿sp?*

Please do not make a decision when you have not tried something. Just because you have a preconceived notion about this or some other practice based upon morals, or simply the idea that "it" is dirty or perverted is not good enough. With regard to anal (and oral) stimulation, the person expecting to be on the receiving end should go to the bathroom and also bathe sometime before making love. It is important to know that the outside of the anus and inside along the sphincters are richly endowed with thousands of very sensitive nerve endings that "wake up" and become reactive after a person becomes very highly aroused. Touching these areas greatly enhances the sensations we are experiencing from the other caresses going on at the same time. In addition, anal stimulation including a prostate massage for a man, helps jumpstart an orgasm and make them much more intense!

If you use lots and lots of lubrication on your finger and/or dildo, then bleeding need not be a concern. It is important not to chafe the tissues. If irritation does happen, stop and add more lube to the affected area.

> Now, please do as Brandye recommends, if you have not begun to do so.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

Well a lot of couples don't even go there or if they do it is after they have established a pretty good relationship. If you are worried, either do not play act in this way, or if you do, have some pretty clear ground rules.

[QUOTE]I move around a lot trying to get the right position. If I do that with him, would I freak him out or get annoying?[/QUOTE]

my gf also moves around and it does not bother me in the slightest everyone is individual. That's what makes us all unique