Last night I had intercourse for the first time, with my GF whom I am very close with. Well, I couldn't initially get a normal erection(wet noodle :( ) and after finally getting one while fooling/wrestling around, I only lasted a few minutes before going soft inside of her. Even though we love eachother and she is very compassionate and is very eager to try again(we made plans to do it tomorrow already) I don't want to go through this again.
It was the most aggravating thing ever, I am normally able to get an erection from just her sensual rubbing of my various body parts; I normally get hard very easily. I normally masterbate about twice a day, and have no problems whatsoever getting hard, and I didn't do it for two days before last night, so you would think I would finish quickly instead of this, which is pretty much the opposite of what happened; I should have had tension to spare. If it matters, we were making out for a good two hours before hand; did this burn me out? Is there any mental/physical tricks to do or think of? I know there are plenty of things to do to make you last longer, but I have never heard of a solution, much less a problem like this. This is my first post, so I am sorry for any nubile actions :p Just looking for possible answers/tips from experienced lovers :)
Girst time with a new partner always causes "nerves."
[QUOTE=Brandye;173767]Girst time with a new partner always causes "nerves."[/QUOTE]
That's true, but I would have never thought somebody who's soldier is so quick/ready to do battle would have this problem, even the first time. Just goes to show how much I know on the subject.
look dive in to the sack its fine, yeh you'll have nerves but it will definately be worth it
Well it's been two weeks since, and she has flaked both times we planned to try again. It would seem that I am not the only one with nerve issues... just two days ago we were stimulating eachother manually; why would she do this to me, knowing that I have been waiting and telling her that I can't wait to make up for it. I swear women are conceived in the depths of hell. I really hope, for her sake, that she doesn't think I will become whipped, because it simply isn't going to happen, much less after 0.5 times of having sex with her.
[quote=Uncle Ben;175777]Well it's been two weeks since, and she has flaked both times we planned to try again. It would seem that I am not the only one with nerve issues... just two days ago we were stimulating eachother manually; why would she do this to me, knowing that I have been waiting and telling her that I can't wait to make up for it. I swear women are conceived in the depths of hell. I really hope, for her sake, that she doesn't think I will become whipped, because it simply isn't going to happen, much less after 0.5 times of having sex with her.[/quote]
Maybe part of the issue is your attitude? Okay, so she did not want to go any further then "fooling around" and now you ask "why is she doing this to me"?, wondering if "women are conceived in the depths of hell"? Sometimes we believe men really are! And All this nonsense about being "whipped"? Give it a break, sounds like your angry bcause we have the right to say no.
Stop. Back up. Take a deep breath and relax. Uncle Ben - this 'soft thing'? -it happens. Once you can totally relax around her, it won't. But it takes a kind and understanding woman to deal with this. There's none of this "making it up to her" nonsense. Men are not machines. Every now and again, you have a spot of trouble - no big deal.
As to this specific woman, well, maybe she's not the one for you, hun. If she wanted to be with you: she'd be with you. Since she has flaked, I'd say let her have her wish and move on to the next.
After analyzing and interpreting the night we had together, I am pretty sure I have came up with a way to fix this. And I was just kidding when I said that women were created from the depths of hell (I listen to Led Zeppelin too much :p), only the ones I have gotten to know :D and it has left a very bitter taste in my mouth over the years. All the lies and facades just to try to get me in the sack, and the unimaginable things that the butthurt ones who didn't get what they wanted have said/done have left me wondering if there are any decent women that aren't already taken. And Sera, I sense a bit of "girl power" in you; I hope I am wrong :(
The one thing all of those women of yours had in common was - you.
I was exactly the same on my first time, and I had no idea what to do about it either. Did you have trouble entering as well?
You shouldn't really suggest sex in words IMO. Especially if the first time went badly, because it will bring up those thoughts and worries. In a make out session, just begin slowly escalating and see what happens.
I was sh*t scared the second time round that the same thing would happen again, but I just made sure my pants were off a bit earlier and we did a decent amount of foreplay and everything went fantastically. So I suggest don't worry about what happened, just be relaxed, make sure you are alert and awake, and just try again when you get the chance. My second time was about a week after the first time.
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;175961]The one thing all of those women of yours had in common was - you.[/QUOTE]
You forgot to add in a complete lack of the ability to deal with the fact that you won't always get what you want. If I had taken rejection/not getting what I wanted half as personally/in a spoiled, crybaby manner throughout my life, trust me I would have ended myself long ago. Life is 20% what happens to you, 80% how you deal with it. I can't help it that I inadvertently attract domineering, conniving girls that think they can have their way with me, only to find out that relationships are a two way road, and not a one way freeway with no speed limits.
The one thing these girls had in common was that they have been spoiled, pandered and coddled to the point that they couldn't possibly fathom not getting what they wanted, even though they went about getting it the completely wrong and immoral ways they did. Not my problem, I'm sorry.
[QUOTE=arutha;175963]I was exactly the same on my first time, and I had no idea what to do about it either. Did you have trouble entering as well?
You shouldn't really suggest sex in words IMO. Especially if the first time went badly, because it will bring up those thoughts and worries. In a make out session, just begin slowly escalating and see what happens.
I was sh*t scared the second time round that the same thing would happen again, but I just made sure my pants were off a bit earlier and we did a decent amount of foreplay and everything went fantastically. So I suggest don't worry about what happened, just be relaxed, make sure you are alert and awake, and just try again when you get the chance. My second time was about a week after the first time.[/QUOTE]
Yes I had trouble entering; I thought once I got it in I would get hard but I thought wrong. The thing that eventually got me hard was when we were wrestling around, and deep kissing/making out, but it only lasted for a few minutes. Next time I will try this, instead of making out for two hours, and then deciding to take the clothes off and put it right in :p I have a positive attitude about it this time, and I can't wait. It should be a blissful night, and hopefully I have a good report next time I post :D
Well I have some bad news. Basically the same result as last time, only after a little while I was able to get hard, and then she just wouldn't get wet :mad: This is really starting to make me wonder if I need to seek a therapist or something, because even though I'm not consciously worried or anxious, or anything like that, I have some kind of mental block that is making our sex life(if you can call it that) very aggravating. Not only is it very difficult to get hard, when I do it's not at 100% normal length, and I also can't cum. Last night she started stroking me through my pants, slowly at first, then once she got me totally hard she kept on getting more and more vigorous; it felt great because I knew she really wanted me to cum, and I have never been so pleased in my life.... but I couldn't cum. :( Even after we attempted intercourse she started stroking me again, just as vigorous as the first time, and I couldn't cum then either.
It is just simply amazing; I am really turned on by her, and for the most part she knows what she is doing, but even though I am not consciously having any mental inhibitions of any kind and I want it just as bad as her, I can't reach a full potential hard on or ejaculation :mad:
I never can from just my gf's hand either.. Not really a huge problem, it just takes practice and you knowing how to do it yourself and guiding her.
As for her not getting wet, same thing. You need to learn what turns her on. And I suggest trying some lube next time, i makes it slip in soooo much easier.
I suggested that she get some lube for next time, but today when we talked I brought up the issue that I might not be completely ready for intercourse with her yet, and she agreed and is willing to work things out. The thing about getting her wet is, when I finger or go down on her she gets wet just fine; but that is when I can't get an erection, so when I get her ready I struggle to get hard, meanwhile she is losing it.
When women get nervous or upset there are times when the wetness turns to the climate of a desert (our mouth goes a bit dry too). Don't take the lack of continued lubrication as you are doing something wrong, may times it's just our bodies responses.
It happens, don't take it too seriously. If you over-analyse and get too serious about, you will end up focussing on the idea of failure, which is ridiculous.
Instead, concentrate on foreplay, touching, hugging, kissing, and don't worry so much about performing. If you do that, you will forget the nervousness, and things will happen naturally. And if it doesn't work, so what. As long as you enjoy what you do and get pleasure from it. There is always the next time.