First of all, I'm used to talking about random topics but dating and sexual advice on one is a first for me...
Anyway, here's my situation:
My girlfriend and I have been dating for a while now. We were pretty much moving along at a pretty fast pace, went from kissing, to fingering, to oral within a few months (is that fast or normal?). Well, she recently went to Korea to study at an institute there. She'll be studying there for... not sure since she herself hasn't decided yet, but the minimum is probably a year. I had already made plans to visit her in Korea during the summer of next year and until then, we won't be able to see each other. We've been keeping in touch through AIM but she recently became too busy with stuff to chat so now we rely on e-mailing. Well, within a year or so, I'll be seeing her again in Korea. So, the first day we see each other will most likely be just talking about how school, our lives, and all that has been. I'll probably stay in Korea on vacation for about a month, maybe a little more or less. So I'm assuming that sometime during the time I'm there, we'll probably have sex. Yes, it'll be my first time but not hers. Now here is the problem... her boyfriend before me took her virginity, somewhat by force. It wasn't actually rape but I know for a fact that she wanted him to stop but she was afraid to say anything. Sort of off-topic here but: I had asked her before if she was a virgin and she had said yes and a month or so ago while we were chatting, she told me the truth. Of course I was a bit pissed that she lied to me but I eventually just accepted it. Back on-topic, she had told me that she had felt guilty about lying to me ever since I asked her and that she doesn't feel anything but regret that she had lost her virginity to her ex. So here is where I have a few questions:
-Due to her ex-boyfriend and a bad first time, do you think it's likely that we'll have sex while I'm visiting her? If so, will it be from guilt or because she does love me like she says? If not, and it's because of her ex, what can I do to help her overcome her regret and guilt?
-When we had first started dating, she had told me that she prefers that the guy take the initiative. Due to her past, how will I know when I should "take the initiative"? How do I know when she is ready and willing? Think it's likely that she'll just take the initiative herself?
Thanks for any advice.
Hey Bro,
Ya I had the same thing happen to me. My gf doesnt tell anyone and didnt even tell me until we were goin out for some time. Hers wasnt as forceful but it was still a bad experience as he finished and then just left, and continued doing it for close to another 6 months. I dont know how to deal with it, it drives me nuts as i am a virgin and she was even my first kiss. Now we have talked and she doesnt want to for a long while, i think maybe your girl would be the same way. Also she wants it to be perfect this time like something out of a movie, to make it right? i dont really know but maybe thats what your gf is looking for too...a second chance.
Goodluck
Hi Loet,
You should talk to her about these issues. If you are considering having sex, then you should be able to talk about it. I know most people find it an uncomfortable subject, but really it's the best way to be clear.
I assume that you were angry because she lied about losing her virginity and not because she wasn't a virgin. That's understandable, but so is her desire not to talk about it since it happened under bad circumstances.
It does present you with the chance to be different, however. Obviously, her last boyfriend was a jerk. Just be open and honest with her about what you'd like to do and be willing to compromise. If both of you have the other's best interest at heart, then you should have a good relationship.
Good luck and take care.