Hey, whats going on guys? This is my first post. I feel kind of embarassed saying this but I am 17 year old guy and still a virgin. I consider it a big deal and I have been waiting for the right person and I thnk I am with her. My girlfriend and I have been dating for awhile now,since last year. I was a pretty shy kid and she was the only girl that really opened me up.We both love each other and want to be with each other for a long time.
Anyways, last year I was to shy and nervous to do anything past first with her, go ahead and laugh..because well, I did try and I think it was to soon. I mean going to second with her and her just not being quite ready. She is not a virgin, but she had a VERY bad and scary situation with sex and a guy when she was younger that scares her away from it, and the fact that I am a virgin kind of scares her to. She told me she does eventually want to do it, she just wants it to be the right time.
Zoom foward to this year, and we are doing things we have never done before. I have been to second with her countless times, and she actually gave me oral for the first time last week. Not to mention we both have started dry humping...and well..pretty much having sex with our clothles on.
I feel like since we are moving at a steady progressive speed right now that I want to bring up having sex again. I just don't know what to say to her to reassure her that everything will be perfect and it won't be like her bad experiance before. I am kind of assumping after the oral and the dry humping that we are working our way there gradually.
if anybody has any advice about what to do I would be very thankful. She is the mos amazing girlfriend I had and I don't want to ruin things with sex talk but I also don't want us to miss out on it either. I just want her to be happy...for us to be happy. Thanks everybody
With regard to your second post, my recommendation, is to invite her to read some of the relevent Sticky posts as well as the How To information presented in some as well as through links on the site's Home Page.
Experience or the lack thereof aside, much of what is going on with her is simply a matter of how she sees herself, maturity, and how comfortable she is with you and the relationship as it is "today". Give her some time to grow, for your relationship to mature, and for her to learn more about relationships and how they work and the dynamics involved in a partnership. Becoming more educated about the facts of life wll also help in this and I think you will find things changing in time.
With regard to your first post and the following, I have these thoughts:
> I was to shy and nervous to do anything past first with her, go ahead and laugh..because well, I did try and I think it was to soon. I mean going to second with her and her just not being quite ready.
There is a modus operendi in love called "Implied Consent" that the two of you need to know about. It works like this: Women set the boundaries or limits as to how far a guy can go. We {guys) are free to move along the base line from here to there until she says or otherwise indicates that we have gone far enough. So, how do we know when we can go farther? "Implied Consent."
We just go to the previous boundary and when our advances are not stopped can conclude that that limit has been extended and we are free to explore until we reach her new limit and are again stopped. And, so it goes.
Implied Consent keeps us from forever wondering and from asking how far is too far or what is confortable. So, my recommendation is to start out and see how far around the "bases" you can go before she stops the proceedings. When she does, then you know the range you can work and be comfortable in it. This does not mean that you cannot or should not approach her limit. You must test that limit to see if she has extended it. So, go for it with confidence and "with all possible 'vigah'" as President JFK once said.
> she had a VERY bad and scary situation with sex and a guy when she was younger that scares her away from it
Offer understand, comfort, and support; however, you may want to suggest that she talk to a professional just to put her feelings and experience into perspective.
> the fact that I am a virgin kind of scares her to. She told me she does eventually want to do it, she just wants it to be the right time.
All new relationships have a new beginning with a new "Square One", regardless of prior experience. Experience equates to knowledge not skill. Each new pairing has its own set of dynamics, quirks, preferences, etc., to work through together.
> Zoom foward to this year, and we are doing things we have never done before.
It certainly seems like things are moving right along. Don't push, just go with the flow.
btw, she thinks fingering and and oral on her is gross. So I am trying to think of other alternatives.
[QUOTE=bamf123;162713] I feel kind of embarassed saying this but I am 17 year old guy and still a virgin. I consider it a big deal [/QUOTE]
17 is nothing - loads of 17 year olds are virgins. Don't feel you have to lose your virginity ASAP
17 is a bad age to lose your virginity. My older friend recommended me to lose it at around 20-22. Think of all the problems!! pregnancy and all that stuff. i should have listened to them!
You have been waiting for the right person? Now you have hooked up with a girl who has more issues than you do. Harsh lesson but yes, virginity is a handicap.
Trauma and abuse leaves a lasting trail - she needs to see a professional.