Okay so I would appreciate any help I can get. I've been going out with a girl now for about 3-4 months and we WERE planning on having sex. The problem is, first off I can't seem to get hard enough to get my penis inside of her. It's not totally limp or anything but it just wont go in. Secondly, I think I'm too excited (or might have premature ejaculation problems). We've tried twice... the first time I ended up cumming just by rubbing it on her trying to get it in, the second time I basically did as well right after I put the condom on. It was like just rubbing the condom on alone made me feel like I was about to cum. And it's not usually like that, when she gives me hand or blow jobs everything is fine. I might not usually be as hard as I can, but I last a good amount of time still. It's really frusterating. I'm hoping this is a problem just because I'm new to sex and that it's a new sensation for me. I really hope I don't have a premature ejaculation problem.
Sat, 06/02/2007 - 05:42
#1
Need help badly...
this is a long read but i suggest you read it as it has helped me greatly,
hey xgx, i know what your are going through. At a young age i would masturbate purley for the feeling, not on the trip itself. therefore i trained my muscle on reaching orgasm and not enjoying sex on its own. This might not be the case with you however it seems like PE is the problem. If you are orgasming within a minute then PE is defintely the central problem. while masturbating, before reaching the "point of no return" your brain unconciously reacts causing you to slow down or even change your thinking, so that you can last longer. Therefore ridding urself of PE on your own is a lot harder. however when it comes to another person, who is not governed by your brain, it is a whole different story. Ive realized that orgasms are mainly controlled by your PC muscle or your pereneum muscle, the muscle that causes you to pee. Most advise columns would suggest that upon reaching orgasm that you flex this muscle to hold back your ejaculate then relax and allow you to last longer. However when you DO orgasm you will notice that this muscle will trigger a flexing motion in your PC muscle causing you to shoot ejaculate at which point there is no going back, fin, hasta vista, done. Upon orgasm, where most articles recommend to squeeze your pc muscle as hard as you can to hold back your ejaculate, you are training your muscles to "flex" during orgasm which it normally does already. You are training your muscle to stay flexed. During later sexual encounters this will cause you to approach orgasm faster as you are training your PC muscle to flex during sex. Your pc muscle is half controlled by your parasympathetic nervous system (uncontrolled bodily funcions like blinking or dreams) and sympathetic system (flexing your bycepts). If you pay attention, upon approaching orgasm if you stop ubruptley, you might notice your PC muscle will be involuntarily flexed, this causes you to orgasm quicker. Let it relax, let go. Thus relaxation is the key during sex. NOT lounging relaxtion, but rather the relaxtion of your PC muscle itself. Breathing out, may help doing so. (one thing the helps is to concetrate on something that has nothing to do with sex, even something that is a turnoff). Thus as you approach the point of no return, STOP, communicate with your partner, and concetrate on relaxing your PC muscle NOT flexing it. As you orgasm relax your PC muscle so you dont secrete ejaculate at at all, rest for however long you feel whilse you entertain your partner (fingering, oral) then continue with sex, therefore you train your muscle to stay relaxed. With your muscle relaxed, you can last a lot longer and prolongue any orgasm at all. Practice this with your partner 3-4 times a session and keep your PC muscle at ease. i hope this has been helpful to you as i have tried both methods and the later seems to help 10 fold
You are normal. The EXACT same things happened with my boyfriend when we 'tried' to lose our virginities. But with time you will be able to handle it;-)
So you think it's something that some guys go through their first time(s) and get over?
Speaking for myself, I've had this "limp" and/or premature ejaculations problem when starting a new sexual relationship - not as serious problems but as things that do happen.
I have always put this on account of mutual trust, familiarity with my (new) partner, anxiety to please, rushing desire, and whatever else. I guess this is one more evidence that, at least for me, sex is as much something between my ears as it is physical.
Everything normally falls into place after a few times. And yes, my lover and I do enjoy a healthy, active and satisfying sex life! ... Except for those periods of time when we're separated, or course ... :p