Okay.. well this is a long and complicated story i have to tell.. i have been with this girl for about 3 months.. she is 14 almost 15 and i just turned 17. Not that big of an age difference if you think about it but still there is an age difference. We fell in love with eachother and found ourself making the next step by having sex. Yes this was something that we had planned and both agreed to so i didnt feel like i was forcing her into anything she didnt want.
Well after that we were walking around our high school and heard some rumors going around about me bragging to all of my friends about it and all of this.. and to tell you the truth i never talked to anyone about it. i am not the one to kiss and tell and to tell some high school buddies about me having sex is just bound to be a disaster.. well back to the story. a teacher heard these rumors and went to my girlfriends parents and told them about them.
She was immediately taken back to her house and given a long talk.. i dont know what was said because i wasnt allowed near the house and am never allowed to call there or talk to her. Her father said if he finds out that i have talked to her then he will switch her into a different school system.. but then he went on to say that he doesnt care who she dates at age 16... I asked him if that meant me also and he said he didnt care who she dated .. that means if i waited for her then it would be over a year of waiting..
My questions to you are: Would you have reacted like this? How old were you when u first had sex? Should I wait for her? I just need any advice you can give.. thanks!!
I would have reacted worse. Any boy that would have sex with my 14 year old daughter would be staring at the barrel of my gun, and told if he contacts her again, he'll be staring at the bullet coming out of that barrel.
My first time was at 19. And I would say you shouldn't wait for her. At 17, you still got your whole life ahead of you. Go out and experiences it. Both of you will change so much in the next few years. What happens if you wait and you don't like the person she becomes?
i agree with fury. you have a gun?
well actually we both have a lot of friends against this and have figured some ways to see eachother and still keep in touch.. and i figure that after a month or two of little talks here and there might give her parents time to cool off and maybe think a little more rationally about it all
and as for the gun thing.. i know for a fact that he doesnt have a gun.. and as for his size.. im bigger than him and im pretty sure i could hold my own against him.. but thats not what i want to do because i could still potentially end up with his daughter so i dont want to piss him off more than i already have.. and he himself told me that i should just wait and let things cool off
[quote=SexTherapy;157717]i agree with fury. you have a gun?[/quote]
I have several, and I know how to use each one of them.
And to origional poster. You really might want to be careful. You're a year away from turning 18. Do you want to piss them off enough that as soon as you turn 18 you're put away for statutory rape?
It actually wont happen.. i know that for a fact.. there is written evidence that is was at a legal age.. looked it up and my uncle is a lawyer so he actually assisted me in this.. i can do anything right now as long as she consents to it.. and when i turn 18 i have to wait until she turns 16 then there is nothing they can do about it.. and the written evidence also states that it was consented and not forced upon her
> she is 14 almost 15 and i just turned 17. Not that big of an age difference if you think about it but still there is an age difference.
I will agree with this from a standpoint of arithmetic, however, what you are overlooking is the large difference in maturity and life experience.
> Yes this was something that we had planned and both agreed to so i didnt feel like i was forcing her into anything she didnt want.
The problem with this statement is that she does not yet know what she does not know and with her present stage of maturity will most likely live to regret the decision to loose her virginity so young. Your statement would be valid if you were both older and near or at the same age.
> My questions to you are: Would you have reacted like this? How old were you when u first had sex? Should I wait for her? I just need any advice you can give.
My solution would be to reach in the kitchen drawer for the nut cracker! It's easier to get than my shotgun that is kept unloaded. Speaking of maturity, I'll give you one of the following:
A) another ten years...
B) another twenty years...
C) the birth of a daughter...
whichever comes first, before you adopt the same thinking as others who are replying to your thread.
Lastly, and, mainly for her, yet also still for you, you need to devote (still) more time to just being kids. This goes with the (gaining) maturity thing. She needs to be a girl a while longer before being mentally and emotionally ready and able to cope with adult behaviors and acts. Just because Mother Nature gives us the ability to procreate, it is not a license to engage in adult pleasures. We really do need to wait for more mental, emotiona maturity--and, simply "mileage".
well hot damn.. you are pretty much a genious.. im not saying everything you said is what i wanted to hear.. but it all made good sense.. i got one question though.. should we still try to stay in touch until this all blows over or should we go our seperate ways and see where we end up??
> Her father said if he finds out that i have talked to her then he will switch her into a different school system.
> should we still try to stay in touch until this all blows over or should we go our seperate ways and see where we end up?
This pretty much puts the kibosh on any further contact with her. My recommendation is to remain sociable yet not to go out of your way to be friends. The last thing you want to do is to make an enemy of her father, or worse, cause him to act upon his threat.
Part of what I was talking about before concerning maturity and life experience and "mileage" comes in the form of dating. All too often kids date someone and the process ends. During the teen years, especially, and anytime, really, the process of dating is to learn more about what humanity has to offer us. Dating is a means by which two people can get to know each other better than simply by being among a circle of friends. It is meant to be transitory until that special someone is discovered. Feel free to possibly date more than one person at a time in the early stages. As the playing field narrows, you can then reduce the number to a couple of people--and then just one. This is how the dating game should work.
I recommend dating many people and learning about the character, likes, dislikes, passions, quirks, expectations, moral values, goals, of each. The more people you date, the more dates and experiences you will have. The more people you date, the better able you will be to recognize when Ms. Right has crossed your path.
As each of you continues to grow, mature, and gain life exerience, you will probably find that your likes and interests will change on many subjects. In all liklihood, one or the other of you will not find the other a match in two or three years; however, having said that, by remaining friendly yet not friends with her, by staying in touch yet not going out of your way, you do leave the door of opportunity ajar.
one more quick question for you.. i was asking for advice amongst some adults that i am rather trusting of.. and a couple of them suggested that i give her lots of space.. sort of as a test.. that way i can see what she really wants out of this.. and it kinda tied in with what you were saying about not going out of my way to see her.. i was just wondering if this could also be seen as a harmless test i could put her through??
ineedsahelp I understand everything that has been said to you but i have just a little bit more imput, I am twenty now and my first time was probably around sixteen, with the guy I am married to now but I know you guys discussed it but a little from her side may be that when you discussed it she felt that in order to keep you happy she had to agree to take that next step? If so the distance and keeping apart from her could be seen as you used her to "get some" and now that things are getting difficult you are bailing? but I also agree that you to are way to young to be making any type of commitment, so maybe try just being there for her as a friend until you both have had time to understand whats going on and where to go from there?
I also would look at your actions as saying that you got what you wanted and are now moving on. Because of the father, you shouldn't try to continue being her boyfriend, but you can still be sociable. You need to explain yourself, I am sure that if you were to write her a letter, even her father would respect that you were clearing the air for everyone to move on.
Good luck.
i dont like the way people think that maturity will make everything better, it's like telling people they need more experience then not letting them get it. how old do you have to be to be "mature"? 40?? i know 14 sounds young but jeeze she's not 3 she knows the ropes and she know's what shes doing. as for you keeping in touch, i agree that you should remain friends and let her know that you are not going to be her bf for a while at least, so things can blow over. i just don't get how 4 years between 14 and 18 manage to mean soo much. age is all a mind over matter, if you dont' mind it doesn't matter as quoted by mark twain and i believe that you need to remain loyal to her but with a friend statis.
by the way i dont' mean to step on toes with the maturity thing but i have had alot of personal problems in the past and i have had to listen to how i'm not mature and how a couple of years will magically make me more mature and i get rather frustrated with it probably cuz i'm not "mature".
[QUOTE=LittleFury;157713]I would have reacted worse. Any boy that would have sex with my 14 year old daughter would be staring at the barrel of my gun, and told if he contacts her again, he'll be staring at the bullet coming out of that barrel.
My first time was at 19. And I would say you shouldn't wait for her. At 17, you still got your whole life ahead of you. Go out and experiences it. Both of you will change so much in the next few years. What happens if you wait and you don't like the person she becomes?[/QUOTE]
why so angry? at least he actually likes her and is just not trying to **** her.
There are 14 year old girls who are obviously ready physically; I have never know a 14 yo girl who handled the emotional side well. Try sweating out your period every month when pregnancy would be a disaster. I am not a mother but I would stand with Fury.
after recently being in a similar situation,sexysass makes a point,if your public enemy no.1 with the family, move on,they'll be other girls out there you'd like just as much
[quote=bdfs05;162732]why so angry? at least he actually likes her and is just not trying to **** her.[/quote]
Angry? No, just protective. Any parent should be concerned if some boy is having sex with their 14 year old child. Something that you will learn when you get older, just as I did.
i remember when i was 14 and my period was still irregular, 30-32 day cycle, and even though i'd never even HAD sex, i would freak out that i was pregnant if i was a couple days late. i can't imagine being active and being a couple days late... i would be having a nervous breakdown, considering i have never wanted children and don't see that changing anytime soon.
while i admit to having fantasies about slightly underage (14-15 definately no younger!) girls being with older (sometimes in their 20's) guys and write erotica about it for my own personal pleasure, i do think 14 is far too young for sex in the real world, and i don't think kids that age have the emotional stability or knowledge about themselves to be having sex. the whole point of the teenage years is to explore oneself and to figure out who you are and who you want to be, and throwing someone else and a relationship into the mix i think is just too much pressure.
dating in the younger teen years should just be for fun, and i think its sad when kids take it so seriously and base their lives, their emotions, and themselves on who they are with someone else, and not who they are as their own person. i think it leads to an identity crisis and people who don't know how to behave when not in a relationship.