Hi there, new to these boards, already in love with the place :) First a quick bit of background: I'm a 22 year old male, heterosexual, and I've had several sexual partners that have ranged from serious relationships (3 years) to casual sexual relationships. I'm very open and relaxed when it comes to sex and I always put the emphasis on her pleasure (unless I'm being treated :) ). That being said...
During a typical sexual encounter she and I are able to achieve an orgasm for the most part. So don't get me wrong, I'm not asking how to give a woman an orgasm. My problem is that I've never really had a partner that was open about giving me 'anatomy lessons', and as a result most of my sexual knowledge is by 'feeling' and experience. I'm a very visual person and it feels like I could do a lot better if only I was able to just explore a vulva in detail.
Again, I know my way around, but when it comes to the clitoris I seriously get by by tracing a finger up from her vagina to the point where the inner lips meet. At that point I just stroke and play with that fleshy area, getting more lube from her vagina periodically to keep everything warm and wet. And as I've already mentioned, it works, she can orgasm, but I feel like it's hit and miss because I truly don't even know what to feel for and while I know the _area_ the clitoris is in, I know that I'm probably spending too much time massaging less senstive areas that surround it. When I am making her feel good by massaging the area I know when I'm hitting the right areas because she signals me by making sounds, arching her back, squeezing me, etc, and there's nothing I hate more than getting lost in that area and the lips and her stopping those signals.
So I'm looking for a bit of guidance, maybe from someone with a technical or visual mind like mine to help me out. There's nothing more I like to do than to lay on a couch with someone I like and finger her for 30 minutes, but I really feel like a bit of fine tuning would make it feel a lot better, and generally improve my 'accuracy' when it comes to clit play. I know everything feels good, I know there's more to pleasing a woman than the clit, but this is the one area I feel like I need a more detailed explaination of. Anatomy pictures don't really help, when we're in the dark and we're just being intimate I don't want to turn a light on or spread her lips and look at it straight on. I need some guidance in the dark, as it were :)
Sorry about the longish post, thanks for any input...
Your approach to locating the clitoris is just fine. I recommend tracing along a labia or down from the upper vulva often.
As for spending too much time here or there, let her be your guide. Feedback on how we are responding to a person's caresses and for what we may need, now, is an important and integral part of making love.
Also, the clitoris can become too sensitive to touch directly and if a person says that she cannot take direct manipulation any longer, then do switch to the surrounding areas like the shaft, or covering the tip with the inner lips and massaging it through them, or even just involving the clitoris indirectly by caressing the surrounding pieces-parts in general.
You seem to be doing everything correctly; however, I caution you not to race to her genitals too quickly. Women take much longer to become aroused and ready for a climax than guys, so, spend that thirty minutes just kissing, caressing, and making out before ever going to the erogenous zones.
Hi Doc. Was hoping you'd pop in here, I've been reading your replies on so many threads and I've never disagreed with you once.
But don't get me wrong, I really do respect the amount of time it takes for a woman to warm up, I take pride in how much time and care I put into the seduction process, even with women I am in a comfortable relationship with. I definately don't zero in on her clitoris or anything, I love teasing her by touching and kissing. My post may not be typical in that I'm not asking how to turn a woman on, how to give her an orgasm, or how to go about the whole seduction/sexual process.
Basically I just feel a bit lost around the area where the clitoris is. I can feel the shaft by applying a bit of pressure and moving my finger left to right and back again, and I know the clit itself is above where the inner labia meet, but since I've never had the benefit of really sitting down and exploring a woman with enough light to see anything (and unfortunately that's how I learn: visually and hands on) I really do feel like I'm lacking some accuracy. Tracing her inner labia to where it meets is fine (I've also heard you can follow the shaft down to where you can't feel it anymore, and that's the clit?) but then all I know to do is rub the entire area, and I'm aware that there are many surrounding areas that don't feel nearly as good, especially if it's a time where I want to specifically stimulate her clitoris.
During intercourse that lack of accuracy can be excused because of the thrusting, but when we're just laying on a couch or in bed and I'm devoting the morning to her and finally get to the point where I want to give her an orgasm with my fingers, I feel a bit foolish if I'm massaging her lips.
I would greatly appreciate if anyone could put into words in detail what I should be feeling down there. I've been told that it's the harder spot where the inner labia meets, but is there any way to tell by touch where her clitoris is without getting mixed up with her labia (especially when she's completely wet and it's hard for fingers not to slide)?
Again, any help would be greatly appreciated, I just want to make her feel good without looking like a fool. I would love nothing more than to just have the time to explore her, but this isn't exactly the most attractive thing to ask someone.
Sorry about the long post again! Why does this keep happening... :(
I suggest you do search for some pictures because they can still give you some idea of what you are looking for. As I recall the clitoris (of which I have yet to see one for real) is like a miniature penis under the hood formed by the joining of the lips so it is a little shaft and like for men the head is most sensitive.
also just try with your hand rubbing the whole vaginal area as a start up this will stimulate everything from the vaginal entrance to the clitoris and she will be able to direct you to where she prefers
[QUOTE=Newtolove;155868]I suggest you do search for some pictures because they can still give you some idea of what you are looking for. As I recall the clitoris (of which I have yet to see one for real) is like a miniature penis under the hood formed by the joining of the lips so it is a little shaft and like for men the head is most sensitive.
also just try with your hand rubbing the whole vaginal area as a start up this will stimulate everything from the vaginal entrance to the clitoris and she will be able to direct you to where she prefers[/QUOTE]
As I have already mentioned, I know where it is as far as anatomy goes, and I'm not asking for instruction on how to please a woman, I'm looking for a description of the area in _touching terms_ (what I should be feeling) so that I can improve my accuracy in that area in situations that would not be ideal for seeing (in the dark, around her body, etc).
well a good description and image of what is there should help. if you can find a detailed description of what it is all like for example they will tell you that the hood of the clitoris is cartilaginous which should give you a good idea of what it feels like to touch infact if I remember rightly I have a little video where the anatomy is shown if you pm me with you email address I will try emailing it to you it should be a good starter point and you can see it all in the light which seems to be your present problem
Thanks, I'll be talking to you in PMs.
Can anyone else help me in describing perhaps what they do, and what to feel for, etc? Like I've already mentioned, I can get to the area just fine by following the inner labia to where they meet, but once I get there I cannot differentiate between clitoral areas or the surrounding areas (labia, etc). Can anyone (man or woman) give me a description of what to feel for and how to ensure you're hitting the right area and not getting lost?
Thanks again :)
I am sending you the parts by e-mail I'll let you know when you have them all. hope it is of some help.
My best suggestion in finding the clitoris while fingering her is to ask her where it is. I know it sounds dumb and you may be embarrassed to ask, but it works. Trust me, I know. I asked my wife and she was more than happy to take my hand and place it. She also was more than happy to allow me to sit infront of her and just look and feel. I'm sure if you ask how to pleasure your partner, she'll have no objections. I know mine didn't. Hope it helps.