Alright, this may be a long post, but I've read a lot of what's been discussed and written here, and I am very surprised at the amount of positive feedback from all of you. It's nice to see that people genuinely care about others, and reassure people who are self-conscious.
I'll start off by telling you a little bit about myself, then I'll get into my dilemma that is taking over my life in both good and bad ways. My name is Dan, I just turned 18 less than a month ago.
OK, the girl I like, her name is Missy. She is 17. I've know her for about a year and we are already best friends. I've known about her for a couple years because she was going out with one of my friends, Adam. But until July of last year we hadn't ever talked. Recently I've begun to really like her, you might say I'm in love with her but at this point the love I have for her is unrequited. She knows about this. We hang out a lot, and we have a great deal of fun together. She is a very attractive girl, and quite flirty, even though I don't like that trait because I am a jealous person and when she is hanging out with other friends, I get worried. She loves me as a friend, I know that, but I really want to make it more than that. I couldn't imagine just staying friends.
Her and her bf have been on and off for about 2 years. When they met she wasn't into sex at all, but he is a guy, so he was eventually able to get sex out of her, and she has been hooked on it since. During the course of the year, she'd probably have sex with him every other day. But they've always been fighting, and he is a very verbally abusive guy. She takes it though because she says she has a very strong sexual dependancy on him. Lately though, she has been getting better about herself, and improving her life. She is seeing him less and less, and I made a bet with her that for two weeks she couldn't have sex with him, and I would owe her $20. She has made it through the first week. I also told her that if she can stop altogether, I'd give her an extra $50. She really needs to break away from him, she'd be so much better off and it would improve my chances of going out with her, I hope.
During two fairly recent sexual encounters she has had with him, she said she had 12 and 14 orgasms respectively. Ladies, is that bullshit? She is not one to lie to me, but seriously... Is that even possible? She says he is about 7.5" long, and pretty thick, which concerns me, because unless her idea of inches is off, he is a little bigger than me.
Anyways, I've sort of brought up the idea of going out with her. But she doesn't seem to want to. Idk, I pretty much jokingly asked to f*** her, which she declined saying she doesn't do her friends. I think it's mostly a physical thing because I am not the best looking person on this earth, and she has pretty high standards, but I've been working on my appearance a tremendous amount. Adam is a very strong guy, a lot of muscle. So I have been working out at a gym, and running 2 miles some days with Missy at my old high school track, along with eating healthy and just taking better care of myself. I am getting a job, and my license finally, and going to college, which should give me some points, even sub-consciously those things make me look better.
I really like this girl a lot, and I could envision spending my life with her, we get along so great, and I am craving for her every minute she is not with me. And I am confident that I will be better sexually, I'm no virgin, and I know what I am doing.
Help???
We can already connect on a mental level, I just need to add the physical chemistry and I should be all set. I hope so damn it!!!
Thank you, it does help a little, I've gotten so much advice that it is rare to hear something new, so thanks.
And I was thinking about that fear too, why don't I have it? lol Maybe I'm so confident that it would work out.
Anyway, I am hoping once she ditches Adam completely, which will happen soon, it's already in the making, that I'll be the clear cut choice for everything. I'll be there for her always, and there for her when she'll need it, because I really think she is going to get really desperate in terms of sex and she won't want to go back to Adam, so who is there waiting for her? Me. That is where I have to show her an amazing time, and it is my forte.
This is a tough situation and one that doesn't have a quick fix... if it can be fixed at all.
It sounds like you are doing a lot of work to impress this girl. You've even (albeit jokingly) told her how you feel. The only thing I can think is to tell her straight out. No joking.
That puts the ball in her court. After that, there isn't much you can do without becoming a stalker. She's either willing to give you a chance or she's not. She may be afraid that she will lose you as a friend if things don't work out. That's a real fear. It's something you should both discuss before pursuing a romantic relationship.
I don't know if that helps, but good luck.
Take care.
I've already told her what I think of what she is doing. She is well aware that it is not good for her.
They aren't even going out, they are just screwing here and there. Adam cheats on her anyway, it's not like a tight loving relationship, and my bets wouldn't even make him that angry. And I don't care if it does, he is an absolute asshole to her.
And the change I am undergoing is that I am changing into myself, I haven't been myself for a long time. What I am trying to change into is the real me.
What I need help with is ways that I can get my chance with her, anything of that matter, anything that could help me in any way with her.
Well i couldn't tell what it was exactly that you wanted help with but here are some things i noticed.
If you want to stay friends with her bf, i would advise not making bets with her that stop her from having sex with him, or that encourage her to break up with him. Eventually, this will get around to him and he will most likely be PISSED off. It is good that you are trying to help her, but maybe try to do it in a way that is more encouraging and let HER make the decision.
If she is making a mistake, let her make it so she can learn from her mistakes. If you really think this is not right for her, let her know that you don't think it is right, but dont push her to break up with him. If it really is hurting her, she WILL realise it by herself...whether she just chooses to stay with him or leave him is her decision. She is not really going to change something unless she wants it to be changed.
Lastly, don't completely change yourself just to get up to her standards. A real girlfriend should accept you for who you are.
-Mariah