is a having a strong or a weak ego a positive trait?
is need a trait of ego? is depression ego?
what part if any does ego play in relationships?
what is an ego, and how do i build a better ego? how do i not feel hurt by what other people think and say about me, and is this as easy or as hard as it is for other people? How do i remain unharmed by people that have prejudice against me? How do i stop myself from thinking bad thoughts about myself?
revenge and fear are ego. anger is ego. self disparagement and the disparagement of others are ego.self doubt is ego.
spite is ego. self esteem is ego. appeasement is ego. insecurity is ego. the need to change other people is ego.
It seems that people are ready to disparage someone for having a weak ego (or an overpowering one), while not defining what the ego is, and not giving reasons why, and not showing a way to make a better (or more balanced?) ego, and to me this is like looking down on someone because they are weak and not telling them why they are weak and not showing a better way (and thereby showing them how they can be stronger.)
I imagine some people might be inclined to argue that it is not their responsibility to show another why or how to make themselves better, and this is technically, if not morally true - they have no personal responsibility to do this - but at the same time, disparaging someone is an attempt to change them, which in itself is a sign of a weak ego.
it's a persons own responsibility to fix their own flaws and faults, but sometimes they don't know the way, even though it may be right under their noses.
Is becoming receptive to being able to listen, and to follow guidance, is a responsibility of self?
So, in essence, how do you 'Build a Better Ego?'
Interesting question :)
What is "ego"?
1) The ego in psycho-analysis is the part of you that is concious. Let's say; the part of you that decides and thinks before deciding.
2) In common used terminology, the ego could be defined as your identity. The set of characteristics that makes you "YOU", a unique individual. In which it's uniqueness in some definitions could be defined
a) by being "different" from others.
b) by accepting and being happy with who you are.
3) There is also the hyperbowl of the use of the word "ego" as being someone with a too strong focus on themselves. Mostly used as short of "egocentric" or "egoism".
a) In which egocentric basically means: without notice of anyone but yourself and therefor oblivious of the effects your behavior may have on others.
b) Egoism is more like; focus on yourself, knowing your behavior is influencing others, but deciding not to care.
What is part of the ego?
That my friend has been of debate for centuries! :) What part of us makes us who we are? What part of us is subjected to concious thought? What part can be controlled? And does, as the psycho-analysts would say, make control and conciousness "you"? Or should we define urges that live from inside ourselves, as part of our primal structure of physiology or earliest learned behavior, also as part of "you"?
Of all these questions one could say there is a logic on which there is consensus among large groups of people: there needs to be conciousness in order to be responsible. The "ego" is from the point of view, another word for "responsible".
This "consensus" is reflected in our justice-department, in which being "concious" and having planned your actions, does make you responsible and more severely punished. Whereas the lack of it could even define you as temporarily or even continuesly unwarranted and unacountable for crimes commited. In which the latter will most likely lead you to therapy to unlock those parts of your mind that have made you do it, whatever makes you lack control others do have and attempt to rebuild and restructure that.
How to build a better ego?
To that question I'd answer: conciousness.
Which means being concious of your thoughts and feelings, making concious decissions on how to act upon them. And therefor; being concious about how you influence your world around you, others and yourself. By which I mean both excentric and intrinsic; how the world perceives you and how you perceive yourself. In which the latter is a vital aspect for your well-being. In the end nothing is sacred but the integrity of your own mind,
Beyond the ego...
I'd say that when all the defintions come back crashing down to earth, there is no denying that we all come in packages. You come into this world with your body which includes your physiology, your emotions, your urges, your capability to breath, to love, to hate, to digest and to think. And though it can't be defined as physical organ or obvious entity, it holds something such as your soul, your chi, your life-energy, your karma, your 7 ounces, whatever you'd like to call it.
And what this entire package asks of you is that you're going to be forgiving and kind towards yourself. Accepting who you are. Loving who you are as a whole. Don't try to change something you can't. Respect it. Take joy in it! After all; we feel things just because we feel. There may be some choice in it, but little of it. And how empty would our existence be with only thoughts and no feelings? How lost would we feel without our beautiful bodies? Even though our relationship with our body may be one of love-hate, as they carry our life as they do our mortality, they remain our closest companion and committed partnership in existence, as unseperable and undistinguishable part of ourselves.
Focus on what you have and balance your personal characteristics; all of them! Physical, emotional and mental. Balance in such a way that you have used your capabilities in a "better" way towards yourself, the people and the world around you. Which does not necesarrily mean thinking "big" like working as a volunteer in Africa to feed the hungry babies. It also means lighting up the day with a smile, while dreaming your dreams, while giving your life meaning, while waiting for the buss. Being happy with who you are. That's the responsibility you have towards yourself until the day you die.
[QUOTE=Spring1978uk;271643][COLOR="blue">is a having a strong or a weak ego a positive trait?[/COLOR]
As defined, above, it depends upon how you use it for your benefit and the benefit of others. If by "strong" you mean that your character is stalwart then "strong" is good; if you mean that you disregard others in an attempt to get your position in place, then strong is not good.
[COLOR="blue">is need a trait of ego? is depression ego? [/COLOR]
Both are. Depression can be considered to be a disorder with regard to mood. If one or more of a person's states of well being are out of balance then s/he can become depressed.
[COLOR="blue">
what part if any does ego play in relationships?[/COLOR]
Answered, above. If a person is egocentric then s/he does not hold much concern for another individual's well being. On the other hand, if s/he wakes up every day asking "'Self' what can I do to make his/her life better--then doing so" the positive and negative aspects of ego play a major role.
[COLOR="blue">what is an ego, and how do i build a better ego?[/COLOR]
Think: character and personality. Self-confidence and -esteem go hand-in-hand with developing a strong ego.
[COLOR="blue">how do i not feel hurt by what other people think and say about me, and is this as easy or as hard as it is for other people?[/COLOR]
Stop worrying about what other people think about you beyond taking note as a check to see if you have developed any offensive traits.
Each person is an individual, each with stronger or weaker personalities; therefore, you cannot compare how one person handles a problem vs. someone else.
[COLOR="blue">How do i remain unharmed by people that have prejudice against me? How do i stop myself from thinking bad thoughts about myself?[/COLOR]
By becoming confident and proud of who you are and what you have achieved.
[COLOR="blue">Is becoming receptive to being able to listen, and to follow guidance, is a responsibility of self?
So, in essence, how do you 'Build a Better Ego?'[/COLOR][/QUOTE]
Think "character" instead of "ego", then read about character development.
Think about being responsible, about helping others, and, developing a "thick skin" by becoming self confident in who you are as an individual, and by how you interact and affect the people around you in a positive way.
[QUOTE=RedRoses;271645]
What is "ego"?
1) The ego in psycho-analysis is the part of you that is conscious. Let's say; the part of you that decides and thinks before deciding.
[/QUOTE]
This is the aspect of ego that I'm focusing on for the purposes of this thread, because I have been doing a lot of deciding and not enough thinking before deciding. And I sometimes also do a lot of thinking and not enough deciding, and I feel like I have to make a permanent change to these behaviors.
[QUOTE=RedRoses;271645]
How to build a better ego?
To that question I'd answer: conciousness.
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=dancingdoc2;271652]Think "character" instead of "ego", then read about character development.
[/QUOTE]
I gave your posts some thought, and I think that you are both correct so I did a little looking around online, then did a little more thinking and found some answers and more questions.
I would be appreciative to hear your thoughts on this;
Changing ones character looks like a really daunting prospect, because it takes a lot of effort and has slow returns.
However, If you want to really want to change who you are and/or what you do from the ground up, there is no other way to do it, because it takes a long time to accrue all the thought and behavior patterns you have acquired.
I think that this must begin with self awareness or consciousness because there is no way to purposefully change what doesn't exist to you, and if you aren't aware of something, then it doesn't exist to you. if this non awareness extends to your behaviors and habits then you wont see them as your behaviors and habits and you will wonder why your life is falling to pieces around you.
Is knowing what characteristics you want to possess important, or is it more important to know the ones you don't want to possess?
This is a very important question in my opinion. Can I change my self while not knowing what I want to be or can I just remove/change the characteristics, behaviors and habits that are detrimental to my life?
Recognizing that I am having impulses to do things, to say things and to think things, and recognizing when I have these impulses and understand why I have them, (even the benevolent seeming ones) is at least an facet of self awareness, but it is the most important self awareness I should aspire to possess, because most of the time, I don't even realize (or am not aware of) these impulses (feelings) and I end up in a viscous (or vicious) circle of destructive behaviors.
Increasing self awareness is an important thing to do, and it starts with the things I think (like, "why am I thinking this?"), even when I don't understand why I am thinking them. Although I must ask is it required to know why you have impulses to change them or is it just required that you be aware of them?
I hope that with improvement of self awareness will come the ability to recognize and consciously change the behaviors and habits that are destructive, negative and suppressive.
In plain English: what is bugging you?
I have suggested on occasion that people who desire to change some aspect about themselves to act as an actor or actress in a play or TV show. Why? Actors role play and for the life of the play take on the persona of the character s/he is portraying.
When you act the part of the character in the play, you will often adopt the character's desired traits, and in so doing, over time, these positive changes will become second nature to you.
A weak ego (sense of self) is one that MUST call attention to itself and "it is all about me". He/she defines him/herself based upon other people.
A strong ego doesn't. He/she defines him/herself upon him/herself.
It seems very counter-intuitive, I know.
Change is always difficult, slow and without guidance - think of it as growth - a process taken in steps.
At the center of every bad or negative trait is a motive. Something that compells you to satisfy or fulfill whatever it is. You can change most of these - some are easier than others - but there is one that men (but not women) can NEVER change once the period of 'plasticity' is over - what he sexually desires. (Women remain 'plastic' or changeable in this regard throughout their lives.)
Big changes are best done in small steps with the aim of slowly killing off the motive behind it. Small changes are best just done.
Set goals, parse those goals into steps and then do one step per time period.