firstly, i need to say that soime of this thread is a re-post as the name on my other thread sux and is irrelevant to the second problem i am facing.
ok, so me n my gf have been together for 3 years, evrything is good between us and we really wanna try sex. but problem is that rachael has never been penetrated before by anything. i have never fingered her as she finds it discomforting and i have just found out that she has never used a tampon because of this. shes 18 so its not like were babies or anything but i have run out of ideas when it comes to sex. if there is anyone with some usefull advice it would me much appreciated...
oh, and the other thing that complicates this more is that my old fella, is jus short of 8 inches when fully extended. and its reasonably thick.
is there anything i can do to make her more comfortable, or more relaxed? i know from other threads that some of this could be to do with an anxiety issue, but that isnt the only prob. we have used plenty of lube, i always wear a condom, i have done oral on her to try to loosen her up, and we have tried various positions including me trying to insert it from behind(i think that gives you the best access), to her straddling me. please i really care about this girl, and we both are over oral. so yer, much appreciated for any opinions no matter how small or seemingly worthless that can be contributed...
secondly i am under the impression that i have some thing called Retarded Ejaculation, which is where a person is unable to orgasm unless they do it by themselves. now i havent had sex yet but my g/f is unable to bring me to orgasm no matter how hard she tries. it is both demeaning for mine and her self esteem as she thinks she is not good at it, although i assure the problem is not for her lack of wanting, she is very enthusiastic, and it makes me feel more and more inadequate as i like to please her and it pleases her when i do come. so if anyone has some ideas on how to get over this prob lemme no. thanks all, look forward to hearing from you...
[COLOR="DarkOrchid">This is a reiteration of my advice to your original thread, First Time...:eek:
First off by the sounds of it you both are not even ready for sex, your GF for sure. She needs to be comfortable with herself before she can fully enjoy any sexual endeavor. Having never been penetrated, the first step she needs to take is to explore her own goods and learn how everything works. About you not being babies, 18 is young and can be sexually explosive if you just take your time and do what feels right. It's just a natural human attraction that will bring you two together as one, go slow with her and most important communicate. I think you should re-read your thread slowly, by stating that you are "not babies" and then continuing on to ask how to crawl, seems kind of silly. To make her more comfortable and relaxed, turn her on, she is obviously not turned on enough and you are thinking too much about the act of sex as a whole. It's a very magical, personal and special way two people unite. You say the best access is from behind, you are obviously naive and very mundane, it might be the easiest way in for you, but doesn't mean she's going to be enthuised by it. If you really care about this girl you would take more time, take the baby steps and explore with each other the act of sex. You both sound very unexperienced, you specifically seem way too eager, to dive right in to some rough sex. Learn about your own bodies, then explore each others', you will just learn what turns her on and she will learn what turns you on. Don't rush into something you and your partner are not ready for.
As for the retarded ejaculation problem, you are on your own with that one (pardon the pun). Selfishness is all I can think of, you seem way too concerned about her not being able to get you to orgasm. If you weren't so pre-occupied by having to cum, you would see the big picture. Its not about how good you are, how experienced you are, size, smell, color etc. The most important part to discovering sexuality especially as virgins is exploration and communication. Instead of striving for the climax, think of sex as a road trip. If you take the expressway directly to climax, you miss out on all the great things that would have made you a great lover. You should just slow down, enjoy the exploration and experience everything your journey has to offer. Sex isn't just an orgasm. [/COLOR]
Please read this thread and the reply by Brandye our resident doc. (who is presently out of the "office").
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/birth_control_stds_and_sexual_disorders/...
I have the following suggestions, in no particular order:
* If you can achieve orgasms through masturbation, then demonstrate for your partner how you do it.
* Next, take her hand in yours and guide her movements over several sessions until she learns to mimic the motions, rhythms, and pressures that are unique and specific to you that you rely upon.
* Third, provide verbal and/or non-verbal feedback on how you are responding to her caresses and for what you may need--now. (When a person masturbates we benefit from an internal feedback that provides ongoing signals so that we can modulate our movements and perhaps make any tiny midcourse corrections. This is missing when we turn the reins over to a partner, so, alternate methods must be used to provide the information and this is where these two types of feedback become a necessary link in the chain.
* Only begin intercourse when you are at the brink of an orgasm and not before. Some guys are under the misconception that lots and lots and lots of stroking is the way to get off--WRONG. Stroking simply maintains a pre-existing high state of arousal; thrusting peaks this and takes us past the trigger point to enjoy a climax.
I agree with the previous poster. If you are in a big rush to have a climax and at the expense of devoting lots of time to making out, then again, this is all wrong. A couple should devote no less than half an hour (more within reason if time permits) to the process of kissing, caressing, and just making out--all before ever getting to the foreplay. Even when you do, the foreplay and all the making out should then become all inclusive.
As for loosening her up, so to speak, please do an advanced search using my name and the key word: bathtub or quadrant or tug or complient. In these threads I discuss an exercise that is designed to make the vaginal opening more complient. The exercise works for many intact hymens also.