Hi, I have met a wonderful girl whom I just had intercourse withwith. I've been with intimite situation with girls before but somehow I just never went all the way. So tis not like the first time a girl has tried to give me hand or a BJ. She is also the first girl that I felt REALLY attracted to, on a major scale. the other girls were just sorta....they came to me and things happened but I am emotionally placid guy.
The thing is, I've been in denial all this time about my sex. I can masterbate and have since 5th grade. At least everyday. If nto everyday, then if I miss 3 days I'd probably make up with 3 when I do it again. I've tried quiting but its such a big part of my life I couldnt.
Also, until maybe a year or 2 ago, I couldnt imagine ever having a girlfriend. Now, though, Im expected to perform and I cant come.
I can watch porn or images and get off if Im in the mood so its not like Im incapable of getting off. But with this girl around, although I've successfully had an erection and had intercourse with her (and almost came) this is with no condom.
With a condom, I feel completely numb like nothing is happening and its a huge turn off. With her hands and mouth, I feel like she's doing it all wrong but there's no way to do it right unless I touch myself. I think Im so used to doing it myself, and also pushing myself to orgasm even 4 times in a row when I do it alone ( even when I feel like I cant anymore) like I've messed myself up.
Is my sex life completely done for? I feel really bad now and all I want to do is have my partner make me climax because she is very disapointed and frankly I feel really bad. I feel like some old person who can't sexually perform with a flacid penis and stuff.
It sucks because I can please her but I get no sexual pleasure from this. Im NOT giving up, but at the same time the visions of me never getting climaxed by a girl is starting to haunt me as a reality I've been denying for so long. I want to change and Im willing to give up masterbating for good but perhaps I need something more serious like surgery.
Who should I talk to?
Thanks for your help, I never felt like I'd say this on a message board but I am in dire need.
well ur thinkin it could be cos ur masterbatin too much then yes u should stop all together... and then perhaps ur penis will then eventually get used to the feelin of her hands/mouth doin the work, and then get off from it.
Female point here:
I went through the same w/a new partner. He was frustrated and so was I; he had been masterbating after his divorce daily so when we began having sex, I could not get him to cum either it was almost impossible the first few times. Well, now we have solutioned the issue. This is what worked:
If you are using condoms put some lube on the inside to help you out, or buy the ones for xtra sensitivity.
Stop masterbating! After he stopped, it took awhile and I found I had to follow the same motions which he was used to. If she is going to give you a hand job or bj use lube. Stroke yourself while she is going down on you. If a hand job, show her what you like and speak up if you want harder, faster, softer, etc. Concentrate on how good what he is doing feels to you.
Stop worrying about it. If you can satisfy both her & yourself through penetration great; if not make her happy and then have her concentrate on you through employing one of the above ideas. It's a matter of showing her what you like and what works for you. After you are more comfortable together it gets easier and variations from what you are accustomed to will work for you (hopefully). But stop masterbating until you get this down.
There is no surgery to help you out on this one. I hope this helps, it's helped us out. It takes a while to get to know each other in all ways!!! It's part of the fun.
man i am having this EXACT problem. yesterday i had sex for the first time and i didnt feel much. i ALMOST came a few times but it just didnt happen. she tried to give me a HJ also and i was SO close but it just didnt happen. i think i have become to used to masturbation, because i have been doing it for 5 or so years. and after not having a girl for so long i have become used to the feel of my hand i think. becuase when she was trying to give em a HJ i took over for a min and it felt great. i would just try to hold back from masturbating for a while and get used to the feel of her and kind of tell her what to do.She loved everything i did for her and i got her off but i didnt get off, even after 50min (my first sex)
i hope this helps and u and me can figur this out.
Peace out man!
-shane
If you can't spell it - you shouldn't be doing it.
Now then - stop masturbating. You're just going to have to get used to wearing condoms, hun - sex isn't worth dying for and if she's on BCPs it is only fair that you do your part by wearing condoms.
Lube will help as sera said. What will also help is RELAXING. Sex begins in the brain and if you are scared, nervous, or otherwise uptight - you will NOT have any fun with it - and it should be fun.
Invest more time in foreplay - her to you this time - try body worship leaving your genitals for last. Focus your mind on "she will please me" and then let yourself feel. Do not move or try to take control back - just let yourself accept and feel.
Hark, for all is not lost!
> With her hands and mouth, I feel like she's doing it all wrong but there's no way to do it right unless I touch myself. I think Im so used to doing it myself, and also pushing myself to orgasm even 4 times in a row when I do it alone ( even when I feel like I cant anymore) like I've messed myself up.
There is a Sticky post just for you. Please read the following:
"How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?" in the NEW TO SEX forum.