My response for all these years when people asked me if I wanted to ever see him again, was that I would not search for contact with him, but would think about it when he tried to get in touch with me. To be honest; I never expected him to do that.

I realized that blocking him means he will still be able to read my profile. It's my professional profile you see, so it would make no sense to make it not public. He will not even receive a message he's been blocked by me. He'll only see me disappearing from his profile and won't be able to message me. Bit of a fraud, since my contact-info is also available:rolleyes: It's a shame changes are so subtle that it's hardly a hint. I've also realized there's a chance he doesn't notice I know. After all; there's no telling how computer-literate this old man is.

No; I really don't need this stress now. Though he never seemed to have any intention of harming me and I don't think he does have that intention now, still: he did hurt me before. I think best I can do is ignore him and not let it control me. After all; does it really matter that he was quite possibly reading along while I didn't know, opposed to now that I do? So perhaps I should just not let it get to me, regardless of how it may feel.

This is getting almost surreal to me... I found out that my father is connecting with me through one of my social media profiles... In fact; according to his profile, it seems mine is the only one he views. I haven't seen or talked to him in almost two decades. Over the past hours I can't help intermittently staring at his picture... It feels very weird... I don't know what to do, except for holding back on adjusting my status for a day or two or however long I need to figure this one out...

Part of me feels scared and wants to block him. We didn't disconnect for nothing. I was still just a little girl and it broke my heart to tell him I couldn't continue like this, but I knew it would tear me apart otherwise. Never regretted it, it turned out to be for the best. Still, part of me has been interested in him. And so many times I've wondered whether he ever thinks of me. Though he made me feel ill, it doesn't mean he intended to hurt me or didn't love me. I don't understand why now... It's not a good timing at all given how weak I feel and how I need to focus on my health without too many disturbances surrounding it... From his part of the perspective I can simply not know or guess and I do not know if I want to know. I do not know if I want to know him. It's all very confusing... :confused:

It does make it more sad than I thought at the time writing it. I guess I too had to let out what was blocking my larynx, no matter how funny the whole subject is.

Admittedly; I've given up on working things out. Even dark times couldn't make us grow back together. When I pored my heart out and asked her to please understand what I was going through -if only a little- she apparently couldn't. Blaming me for not giving her enough attention and how I've caused our relationship to go bad. After my plea, I was met with complete silence. Nearly a year went by, until I recently received a note of her. I was already really ill at the time. It was a practical note; splitting and ending some businesses we used to share. She does finish the note writing she still feels connected to me and wishes me all the best, but blames me once more for our mother-daughter-relationship failing and time lost. It felt like another stab in my heart.

I will never stop loving her and appreciating her for she is the woman who carried me, raised me, comforted me, did everything she could to help me through times of illness and stimulated me to thrive for so many years. She became my dearest friend as I developed from girl into young woman. It's a shame that now that she disagrees with my life as I decide to lead it, we apparently can't even be friends. But after years of struggle, it's also hurting me more than I can cope with. I can't continue to fight to make this up on my own; it takes two to make a relationship work.