Hey... here's my problem. My girlfriend and I have been having sex for over a year now. She was never into being fingered or eaten out. She is either grossed out by it or just afraid of it. It also never brought much pleasure to her, but I'm not really sure if thats because she was so afraid of it. Luckly I was able to please her through sex, and I could easily make her orgasm before I did. The problem started about four months ago. I don't know what caused it, and I don't even remember the first incidents, but since then I have been having problems getting her to orgasm. The reason of this being because I have been orgasming too early. I'm not sure why, but I can't seem to control myself like I used to. It has caused a lot of problems between us... just out of frustration and depression from it. I now go into sex everytime fearing the outcome and I think this may be the major factor of this continuing, but I don't know how to look past it. My girlfriend tries to support me, but everytime it usually just leads to more frustration with it. She is unwilling to even try being fingered or cunnilingus and objects to trying to figure herself out by masturbating. I know that this isn't her fault, but I wish she could try to support me more on it because I think that would help in the long run. Love isn't a problem... if you were wondering. We both love each other very much and rarely ever have sex just for sex. I really don't know what to do. We have almost lost all hope and have contemplated stopping having sex at all. We both don't want this, but I understand how she would feel because no matter what, I orgasm everytime, yet she does not. I guess what I'm asking is.. Has anybody else gone through phases like this? Is there anything I can do? We are trying the things listed in the 'Lasting Longer' article on the website, but I think a lot of it has to do with emotions. Is there anything I should do in order to get better cooperation from my girlfriend? Please take what you can from this story and help in any way. Any advice is better than none.
Fri, 09/26/2003 - 02:43
#1
My new problems
Do you masturbate before sex? I have heard that if you masturbate before sex that you will last longer.
As for her not wanting to get oral or be fingered, there isn't really anything you can do. Some like it, some don't. Maybe at some point she will open up and allow it to happen.
She may have some traumatic memories that make her uncomfortable with doing it, or she could just think it is gross.
This also could just be a symptom of how ur feeling. I know personally the more i think about lasting long the quicker i cum. Quite a predicament for guys isnt it? Just relax and i know its hard, but try not to think about it. Also, if u want, try not having sex for a lil while, clean the slate if you will. And about ur gf, talk to her, let her know that youre disappointed you cum quicker now. But i would avoid trying to pressure her into doing things shes uncomfortable with.
See a Doctor first. I spent almost two years in your predicament before a gastrointestinal problem was diagnosed. I was getting softer erections and came too quick. I chalked it up to age, stress, etc. and was resigned to an unsatisfying sex life. My wife felt the same but didn't speak to me about it because she was a fraid of hurting my feelings. It sucked.
My sex life bounced back once the problem was treated (I had cancer surgery). My stamina has returned and the erections are stiff again.