first of all, i'm very experienced sexually. i've had no problems making & helping ex-girlfriends climax, even squirt at an insane rate. i know all women are different....and it takes doing different things for different women, and overall being sensitive to what makes them tick this way.
this being the case, i've tried everything i know, everything i've done in the past, and now i'm here looking for any advice please.
here are some things i've done / some notes on the situation (sorry if its long):
- she has never had an orgasm. she says with me she's gotten the closest, most sexually liberated. she hasn't had many partners.
- our sex life is great, its fun. we have great chemistry....we're open to try anything, and we do.
- i love going down on her, and will for hours, all day, i'm really into it. this brings her the closest. i can tell from experience that she gets to that breaking point, but she just can't take it anymore, and physically stops me. believe me i try to push her over the edge, but she just can't go there, its too much. i've seen women at this point, and you keep going and she breaks. its awesome when that happens, i want that to happen for my girl.
- i've gotten her to masturbate more often than she ever has before, she likes doing it, but she's still a bit shy that way.
- i have bought her some of the best toys to play with, and we play with them. she never played with toys before, but she's open to it now, since i got them.
- intercourse with her on her back, legs straight & tight together.....me on top of her, flat against her with my legs around hers, thrusting up into her G-spot also brings her very close, but no cigar.
- sometimes she's going crazy to a point where i think she is having an orgasm, or maybe she has.....but i feel like, from past experience, that she hasn't gotten past that threshold. sometimes i still thing maybe its possible that she is having them. i'm just expecting a much crazier reaction from her. my gut says no still.
so this all being the case.....if anyone has any suggestion, or any advice, i would love to hear it. i'm totally open to anything. i really want to get her there.
thank you.
Whilst orgasm and ejaculation is almost automatic, indeed a physiological imperative, in men the same is not true for women. We need learn how and masturbation and self exploration is the best training. Many women grow up learning "nice girls do not touch themselves" and have difficulty touching themselves. Variations run all the way to mothers telling daughters what drudgery screwing is.
The fact is you will not do it for her; she must do it for herself. Her orgasm is hers. Your willingness is admirable but may be going a bit far and actually inhibiting her in some unknown way. "That threshold" can be a wall for many women and we have to climb it ourselves; our desire to please our men may actually be enough additional pressure to stop us.
There are many good ideas here for female masturbation and there are sites on the web devoted to that (too many, however, are for the prurient interest of men and need to be filtered out).
Lower your expectations, in the short term; lower the intensity of your desire for her orgasm. Allow her to learn and explore her desires. With that freedom and relaxation, anything can happen. When she knows what she is looking for, it will be more easily found with a partner.
thanks for the response. i completely understand the importance of masturbation for her, in this case. i took your advice and read some articles about it, to learn more myself, and saved them.
just fyi, my willingness / efforts to help her along are pretty soft, i'm not pushy about it, or displaying any outward urgency. any type of encouragement, ie) buying toys for her, suggestions about masturbation, were done very sensitively, she responded pretty well to them.
the next step is getting her to actually masturbate, and find it all out herself, as you've said. she's shy, and researching articles, etc is something she won't do. even masturbating is something she's really never done, until i helped open that up to her. she does that once in a blue moon now.
so i saved the articles i found, and gave them to her. she received them well, and is going to read them. we have great chemistry, so i'm not that surprised. i think this is a good step in the right direction.
thanks....
May I suggest that you try to allow the next instance of research/curiosity/"let's try this" to come from HER?
I don't mean for this to sound accusatory, but she may be feeling a little more pressure than you realize. It sounds like you're the one having all the ideas and making all the suggestions, while she's just going along with what you say/suggest. I get that some of that is probably because she didn't have the information at her disposal. She does now. Allow her time to absorb it and come into her own with it. We want her to get there for herself, not because she feels like she's failing you if she doesn't.
I was thinking the same thing. Although you may not be meaning to do it, she could feel pressure from you that is hindering her from having an orgasm.
To give it a different perspective, sometimes it takes me quite a while to cum. My wife, not so much. Often, she will finish before I do and she will then try getting me off orally or with her hand. I get self consious about it taking too long and instead of enjoying what she is doing, I find myself trying to push that orgasm out. Without enjoying the pleasure of what she is doing, it takes even longer and I enter into a vicious circle that turns a blowjob into a job that blows.
My point is, you mind can do crazy things during sex. Although my wife never put pressure on me to hurry up and cum, my head put that pressure there anyway.
Jnuts, welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you will enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. In addition, if you click on the site's Home Page you will find even more information.
As for your concerns about climaxing easily, please read this article:
How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?
I hope the information is of help.
-doc
Thanks. I'm actually not new, I just changed my username since I didn't want a google search of my typical username to pull up all my kinks for my co-worker's entertainment anymore. ;)