hi everyone. this is my first time posting a question here, and i was really hoping someone could help me out of with my predicament. anything would be greatly appreciated, but here is my story.
my girlfriend cant seem to orgasm. she has never had one previous to me, nor with me. she is very good at giving me one, but i cant seem to return the favor. i was hoping that someone could give me some advice on how to please her. i have asked her what she likes multiple times, and she either says "i dont know, just try different things" or something that dosent quite do the job. we have tried every position, tecnique, place(at least to my knowledge). she has never masturbated before because she is only turned on when im around, she dosent really like me fingering her very much. she likes anal(sometimes). she likes oral(sometimes), and her favorite position is when she is on top. right now im confused as to what i should do to help please her sexually. if anyone knows of any positions, techniques, so on and so forth (new, old, easy, hard) that have worked for them or their partnes in the past, i would be very appreciative. also, any advice from anyone would be greatly appreciated. thank you in advance for any help that you can give me, kc.
Hello Jack. Welcome to the Board.
Your question is probably the most asked question we receive. As such, if you look around you will find the answer to this and many more concerns.
Here's the deal:
We do not give orgasms away; each one of us (male and female) is responsible for our own orgasms. All any of us can do is to help our partner achieve one. The best way to do this is to learn to mimic his/her technique.
From the moment boys learn to masturbate, they do it regularly and consistently and quickly develop a set routine of motions, rhythms, and, pressures, that are then pretty much relied upon day in and day out for the rest of their lives. Of course there are variations now and then in order to experiment and to releave bordom; however, if we vary too far from what we have become accustomed to either an orgasm will not happen, or, it will be less than expected.
Very often, girls will either not begin masturbating nearly as early, or do it at all. Therein lies the problem. All of us are born with a pleasure center in the brain, millions of sensitive nerve endings in the skin and some organs {G-spot, prostate, testes, as examples), and an autonomic nervous system that connects everything together at both ends and transmits signals back and forth. What does not happen as a result of going through puberty is for all the connections to be made. In other words, all those nerves are not able to communicate with the pleasure center! By masturbating frequently, boys quickly and easily establish all these connections more or less matter-of-factly. Not so, girls. Girls/women must make a more concerted and conscious effort to "connect the dots", so to speak.
Unless and until a girl or woman learns to masturbate, she will not make the transition from being "preorgasmic" to that of an orgasmic human being. The transmutation requires time and effort on her part. It is a not uncommon misconception girls have that all they have to do to experience an orgasm is lie back and let her man have his way with her. WRONG! Until she establishes all these millions of connection, an orgasm will simply evade her.
I recommend that you inform her about out this because it is a crucial part of her sex education. Then, encourage her to practice masturbating and to learn what it requires in the way of stimulation to build and then trigger them. Once she is able to climax regularly and consistently, and has developed a technique that I refer to as the "Fine Art" that is unique and specific to each individual, then she can show you. When you get to this point, ask her to take your hand and guide your movements several times until you learn to mimic her technique. The same holds true for you with her.
We all know the basic mechanics of how to stroke a penis and finger a clitoris, however, there is more to this than simply rubbing, as I've described. An additional component to this is also a requirement for success and that is feedback. When we masturbate, we benefit from internal feedback that signals when and how to modulate our movements or make any midcourse corrections to our actions. Providing verbal or non-verbal feedback on how we are responding to each other's caresses, and, for what we may need--now, is paramount.
Not every woman is able to achieve and experience orgasms. According to Brandye, about 25% of all women are unable to. But, until each person attempts to make the transmutation (change), she will never know for certain.
> she has never masturbated before because she is only turned on when im around, she dosent really like me fingering her very much.
This sounds like she is still immature and emotionally naive. My first recommendation is to let her read this thread and other related material available on the various forums. Second, she needs to learn more about her body, yours, and the emotions that bond you; therefore, I recommend not pushing the issue to become more intimate. Give her more time to learn about herself, you; and, romance and sex overall.