and SHE should be AFRAID !!....ya ya...I'll be in the minority with this thinking...it's too darn young if you are not totally totally ready!!...the consequences are ENORMOUS!!....and the thrill is totally less than the consequences.....you can do almost every other sex act in the entire book...totally pleasing each other( or getting each other off) without having intercourse...there are so many pleasurable ways to enjoy each other sexually that you do not have to have intercourse...search it all out and try it....that's only my opinion though...:) ...have a great day...and don't do things that will make you have grey hair at such a young age!!:D

> do you think that by now we should have done it? she is 18 and i am 17.

I am not an advocate of intercourse before marriage, yet as a practical person, I realize that while this may be the most popular stance, it is the vocal minority opinion. Intercourse has more to do with the connection of the psyches than physical pleasures. The latter is more the perview of foreplay. So, while your bodies may be mature enough to procreate and enjoy carnal love, your brains have much more development to do. It is a fact that a person's brain is not fully developed until about age twenty one. Add to this that at your ages while you may be experiencing love, it is more apt to be immature or even puppy love. Mature adult love comes with more maturity and more experiences with others; in otherwords, "mileage". This is not meant to be a put down, only information that you are not yet as mature as your raging hormones are leading you to believe.

If all you want to do is experience the physical pleasures and to get your rocks off then I suppose you can have sex. If you want to experience intercourse as an expression of the love the two of you share than I believe you should wait--and, wait until she is absolutely ready.

> she says she doesnt want to because it will hurt.

It may or may not hurt. If it is going to, it will most likely hurt at 17 as well as 21, 25, or 30 when her life is more together and she is ready for marriage. Brandye has an article on her "ChicChat" forum about "Am I ready". I suggest you have your girlfriend find and read this treatice. Right now, I do not believe either of you are ready simply from the standpoint that you do not know what you do not know. Both of you need more information and general "how-to" knowledge. I recommend that the two of you spend some time reading relevent "sticky" messages on the various forums in order to pick up more knowledge.

Got questions?

Maybe she's worried about the intense intimacy hurting emotionally as well as the physical issue...?

[QUOTE=spectac1;152042am i the bad guy here by asking her if she is ready yet, every week?:confused:[/QUOTE]

Yeah I think asking every week is pretty excessive. If she wasn't ready one weekend... its not likely that much had happened during the week to change her mind.... Do you guys do other stuff? like fingering? oral on eachother? HJs?
Fingering can help her out a little.
And remember... it IS scary for the girl.. the guy doesnt really have anything to be scared of except that he might go soft... or shoot early.
The girl is thinking about the pain and what if she gets pregnant... way bigger issues in my book.
And like Maribelle said.. there is that HUGE emotional aspect of it as well.

[QUOTE=demonbuttercup]Yeah I think asking every week is pretty excessive. If she wasn't ready one weekend... its not likely that much had happened during the week to change her mind.[/QUOTE]

I absolutely agree. If and when she is ready you will be the first to know, I guarantee it. How? She will let you know in suttle or not so suttle ways. If you aren't sure you are reading the signals right, then you can ask for confirmation. In the meantime, please do not hound her.

[QUOTE=demonbuttercup] Do you guys do other stuff? like fingering? oral on eachother? HJs? Fingering can help her out a little.[/QUOTE]

...or, a LOT!
The same holds true for oral.
Combine the two and prepare to soar....

[QUOTE=demonbuttercup]And remember... it IS scary for the girl.. the guy doesnt really have anything to be scared of except that he might go soft... or shoot early. The girl is thinking about the pain and what if she gets pregnant... way bigger issues in my book.

And like Maribelle said.. there is that HUGE emotional aspect of it as well.[/QUOTE]

A person does not have to do too much searching on the Board to find plenty of posts from both guys and gals in a panic over what just went wrong when they had intercourse or when the guy ejaculated close to the vagina. So, guys can also panic and be scared when a condom slips off, tears, or he doesn't pull out in time, didn't wear one and became caught up in the moment, AND...etc., et cetera, etc.

In comparison, I think it is overkill for a guy to be scared about going soft or ejaculating too soon. Worried, yes. Scared? An over reaction. The enormity of these factors are vastly different than the others.

[QUOTE=Luvs2plzU]and SHE should be AFRAID !!....ya ya...I'll be in the minority with this thinking...it's too darn young if you are not totally totally ready!![/QUOTE]

You are not in the minority on this thinking; most of the world is in agreement, yet the popular vote among the minority is the the most vocal.

[QUOTE=Luvs2plzU]the consequences are ENORMOUS!!....and the thrill is totally less than the consequences. you can do almost every other sex act in the entire book...totally pleasing each other( or getting each other off) without having intercourse...there are so many pleasurable ways to enjoy each other sexually that you do not have to have intercourse...search it all out and try it. [/QUOTE]

Absolutely, positively, indupidably, yes.

As I mentioned, before, intercourse is more about a meeting of the minds and a melding of the psyches for a moment in time. Orgasms resulting from intercourse as good as they are are not always as intense as those generated by a combination of hand and mouth.

spectac1, before either of you actually has intercourse, you need to take responsibility for your pending actions. This means that both of you use some form of reliable contraception. If you are not ready to become an unwed father and to support and help raise another human being then you need to wear a condom. If your girlfriend is not ready to have a life altering change, and perhaps have the plans for her future forever changed, she needs to be on the pill or using some other type of highly reliable form of birth control. Each of you needs to look out for Number One and not to trust in the other person's choice--or, that it is being used properly.

The chance of becoming pregnant is greatest among teenagers and girls in their early twenties. No form of contraception is 100% reliable, and when used in combination with another, the reliability becomes just that much greater. The reasons why chances are greater for becoming pregnant in this age range is because of raging hormones, misuse of a contraceptive, and, forgetfulnes. One way or the other, your choices will make you a statistic. Please do what must be done to make a mark on the right side of the slate.

Emotional intimacy pain is a tricky b@$tard!

Soooooo many dynamics & many of them remain hidden to the owner of the feelings....

[QUOTE=spectac1;152042]the problem is we have never had sex yet.[/QUOTE]
Oh man. We've got a lot of ground to cover.
Relationships are not, unlike popular opinion, just about sex!

If she is scared, she's definately not ready yet. Give her some time, and don't ask her every week. Or every month, for that matter. Think with the head on your shoulders, and work to intensify the emotional bond between the two of you. Don't worry about getting into her pants just yet. If you think not having sex in less than a year is a "problem," you arn't ready either.