If she's not turned on by you then she's NOT the girl for you.
Face it - do you really want to go through the rest of your life like this?

Here's what you do. You say "(insert name), I really care about you but I am sexually unsatisfied and things need to change. Be it we start being physical or we find others. "Making love" is a misnomer. Your not making anything. You are having sex...that's it. You don't need love for sex or sex for love.

Now if she continues to refrain from any sexual encounters and doesn't want to do anything then you break up with her and find someone who wants sex as much as you do and not only satisfies you sexually and mentally, but are satisfied sexually and mentally by you.

Dear WAS,
What sort and how long of a relationship are we talking here? And how long has this new behavior of hers been going on?

Given the header she used to be turned on. Does this also mean you two had sex which you considered this a fulfilling for both, but you don't have sex anymore?

If no and this is a fairly new relationship, my first question would be: Do you two talk about sex? Do you communicate during sexual activities? If not, that's certainly recommendable! Perhaps you need to get to know her preferences better. This is not a (male) ego thing. You can't mindread her. And the preference of every woman is different. It could very well be a bit of communication is all it takes for her to tell you what she needs to be turned on.

If yes and this is a fairly established relationship, my first question would be: what has changed? Mostly sexual problems in a relationship aren't about sex at all, there's another cause. You could try to think of a few things. Perhaps she's been really stressed about something in her daily life? We could speculate on it. Yet; better you ask her yourself!

Be sure to make this a calm and trusting conversation and don't get upset about it. She needs to be able to tell you in all honesty. As you should be able to tell her about your issues. Such conversations can be difficult, depending on how used you two are to talking about such things. Remember that communication is key to a healthy relationship.
[QUOTE=Ducy;268976]You say "(insert name), I really care about you but I am sexually unsatisfied and things need to change. Be it we start being physical or we find others. "Making love" is a misnomer. Your not making anything. You are having sex...that's it. You don't need love for sex or sex for love.[/QUOTE]
@Ducy; the phrase as you put above is certainly not one that invites a partner to communicate. It sounds like you advice the OP to "state his business" and leave her to fix his problems. If a couple is trying to talk about their relationship and sexual problems/wishes, it should be a conversation with genuine interest in the other's feelings, thoughts, wishes, etc and sharing this together with the desire to solve things together. True, there may be a moment that fails. But you shouldn't ever make your partner "fix" things for you.

RR the op has stated that his gf loves him but does not want him sexually. You really can't prance around the issue and if he doesn't put it out there then he won't get to it. Inviting your partner to talk about an issue is all good and dandy but for certain things he is going to have to be blunt or they won't have the cajones to let their feelings out. How many times have you tried to speak to a partner about an issue only to have part of your thoughts and feelings released? It happens to everyone at some point and time.

I have a feeling he will try to "talk" and wind up at square one because he "loves" her and as we all know, love makes sexual frustration in a relationship perfectly acceptable :p

True Ducy. But I have been at the end of the line in which someone (not my partner) told me that she loved me till death, yet I was the only one who could fix things to keep this relationship, since she considered me the one that had "changed". Any person, professional or not, says and have said it was hopeless from the start, cause it takes two to make a relationship. But I did try for a couple of years and believe me; it's heartbreaking and futile. No relationship on this planet will ever work that way!

My point of view; you consider things not fixable and/or not worth trying, you walk. You consider things fixable and/or worth trying and you communicate and work on it together. You don't make the other fulfill your wishes as if it's a one-(wo)man show, esp not with the threat of leaving.

Nevertheless, he does have to make it clear that sex AS SEX is important to him and a NECESSARY part of any relationship - as it SHOULD be with her as well.

From what he has said, and her behavior intimates, this is a girl who uses sex AS A TOOL to bait/reward/control her man. Once she's gotten the man, she feels she can put all of that sex stuff behind her.

Whether after 2 weeks, 2 years or 20 years - putting all of that sex stuff behind you is in itself a unilateral decision on her part and its WRONG. Did she ask him if 'no sex' was okay with him before she stopped? Probably not.

No pussyfooting around. Tell her sex is important to you to the point that you WILL NOT be in a relationship without sex.