[QUOTE=KingOfTheGoons;152594]...it's quite easy for people to say: "tell her the truth" because they have probably not been in this situation. the truth is imo going to be a relationship destroyer... what i'm doing is researching as much as i can on sex so i may be able to pull it off and hopefully give her a good time, i'd suggest you do the same.[/QUOTE]

It's equally easy for you to encourage him to continue to lie to her -- you have nothing to lose when it blows up in his face.

Truth is not merely about sex. and sex is (well, mostly) about more than the truth. Everybody faces choices every day about whether or not to tell the truth.

Sex is not only about skill and experience. It's about communication and respect... for oneself and one's partner. I think most women (and a lot of men) would agree that the "best" sex has a lot of emotion with it... and is about intimacy and mutuality. Lying is just about the exact opposite - there is nothing intimate or mutual about telling or maintaining a lie.

Again, if all you're interested in is losing your virginity, do what you must, I suppose... but if you have to maintain a lie to maintain a relationship... well, it ain't really much of a relationship.

Interesting, though, that you believe being a virgin would be a relationship destroyer and lying wouldn't.

Equally interesting that your view of sex is "give her a good time" and that you think you can easily convince her that you've been in a situation you've never been in...!

It's unfair to post and place rules like "no criticism."

To answer your question, let's review what you've told us:

1. You are nervous about being a virgin.
2. You are nervous about having lied to her.
3. You are really nervous.

I think she's going to think you're awfully nervous and wonder why. The odds are reasonably good she'll figure out that something doesn't add up. She probably won't think it's because you are overwhelmed by her beauty.

You'll either need a good explanation for all that nervousness (another lie?) or you'll need to come clean. Hope that's "helpful."

> question, will she know I am a virgin even if I do good? I have much experience in everything else, but never had sex...will she know?...I've been really close (i.e. the penis has touched the vagina), do you think if I am confident, she wouldnt notice?

You are asking one or more of us to critique and analyze a script for which we can only imagine the story line as well as the performance of the "actor" and "actress" who have yet to perform. That's unfair. Now, having said that, there is hope. The answer to your question is therefore: "maybe".

I wish to compliment Wally for again being spot on with his view and his sense of direction for yet another situation . The good news for you is that by fessing up to your status and coming clean, the outcome is very likely to be a good one. Why? Because when a couple come together and form a new relationship, there is a new "Square One". Both parties will have expectations, likes, dislikes, and quirks, the two of you will have to work through. Previous experience equates to knowledge--not skill. We know your story; what is her's? You state that she is very sexually aggressive but what does this mean? Has she had intercourse before or is she also a virgin? To me "aggressive" in this context means that she is open, willing, anxious, curious, eager; and, doesn't mind grabbing the "bull" by the horns when it comes to getting the ball rolling, so to speak.

I am from the school that believes that first intercourse is best accomplished using the Woman Superior position. If she is a virgin this is extremely beneficial to her. If she has had some previous experiences, this will be beneficial to you. Here's why: When she is on top and astride, she is in control. She knows where your penis is and where the entrance to her vagina is and by taking ahold of you, she can easily and deftly bring you two together, saving you some possible fumbling if using the Missionary position. Are you liking this so far? Here's more. By giving her control, she can choose the placement of the penis (especially important if a hymen exists), the amount and degree of pressure to apply in order to try and gain entrance, the speed and depth of the initial stroke as well as the rhythm of subsequent strokes. Your part in all this is to steady and support her breasts, and to elevate your hips in response to her stroking or grinding.

If she wants to be aggressive then this position gives her every opportunity. If she wants you to be aggressive, then the preliminaries have been taken care of. This is a win-win situation for both of you, virgin(s) or not.

> She thinks I've had sex before...at least 3 times! Yes i told her this...I know...

When you come clean, and if it is the truth, tell her you made the story up because of insecurities and doubt and have come to understand what I told you about there always being a new "Square One".

It is OK to be nervous; however, I think you are better off being realistic in your expectations and then making the most of what evolves during the evening. DO NOT be overly critical of yourself as this is counter productive. Laugh off any embarrassing moments and things that do not quite work out as planned. Sex is serious business, yet to take it too seriously is going to just get in the way of learning and exploring and becoming better together.

I also hope this is of help. Got questions?

[QUOTE=louarnold;152481]...I've been really close (i.e. the penis has touched the vagina), do you think if I am confident, she wouldnt notice?[/QUOTE]

Yep... and I was 20 miles from the Mexican Border once. So if I go to Mexico now no one will notice I'm not Mexican, right?

DD's answer to your question is "Maybe" (she won't notice).

My answer to your question is "Unlikely" (she won't notice).

Here's a different question: Will she care if she figures out you lied to her?

Most everybody's answer: "YES!"

I truly do not understand why you want to take the unnecessary risk of being discovered as less than truthful. I hope you have no serious relationship plans with this woman and are merely looking forward to losing your virginity with her because this is not the way to start a relationship; sexual or otherwise. You may be confident, but you actually know less about relationships than you think. (I realize that counts as criticism, but I'm not obligated to be a party to your scam - let's at least be truthful about what you're doing; you're running a scam.)

I hope your confidence includes the ability to properly don a condom and the knowledge that a penis touching a vagina involves pregnancy risk.

[QUOTE=WallyLlama;152494]Yep... and I was 20 miles from the Mexican Border once. So if I go to Mexico now no one will notice I'm not Mexican, right?

[/QUOTE]

LMAO :D

Sorry wrong one

Once she gets past that you lied to her she will most likely be more excited about being your first. It can mean a lot to the other person to be the first one someone has sex with.

hey, i'm in the exact same predicament as you bro :( , i told her a loooong loong time before we were going out because hey i'm a moron.
my gf is a virgin however so i think i may be able to ride it out without her realizing.
it's quite easy for people to say: "tell her the truth" because they have probably not been in this situation. the truth is imo going to be a relationship destroyer.
what i'm doing is researching as much as i can on sex so i may be able to pull it off and hopefully give her a good time, i'd suggest you do the same.

the truth will set you free....telling the truth usually means you have A LOT LESS to remember!!!...

Had to come back to add this (just received it in an email)... according the the Washington Post:

FOREPLOY is "any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid."

I'm not aware of any editorial policy stating whether or not they consider it proper behavior.

But it has a name other than lying.

that's what i meant, the lie would destroy the relationship if it's found out.. so that is why it must be maintained, hopefully you just wont have to talk about the lie in future so it'll be fine.
and yes i'm confident, you should be confident in all that you do.

Huh?! I don't think you read what I wrote! There is no such thing as "one lie." A lie is a misrepresentation that creates a false impression. In order to maintain that false impression ongoing lies will be required. You can't "maintain" one lie.

As for confidence... if I need brain surgery I think I'd prefer a surgeon who is confident but also went to school.

why do most guys feel they need to lie about being a virgin? i never lied when i was one... it's not that big of a deal as it will come with age. (im not a virgin now but past experiences) i told my current gf that i was a virgin and she really didn't mind. Though its not really that difficult to have sex. insert penis into vagina, in and out. there is the basics of it.. try learning rocket science if u think that is hard.

u really shoulda told her the truth from the start and to get out of the 'lie' if u wanna come clean. just state you only lied before because u thought she would lose interest in you because u didn't have experience.

Hi everyone (I'm new!)

Just wanted to add my $0.02...

First, I think we all pretty much agree that the lie was a bad idea. But it's done, right? The OP does (I suppose) have the option of coming clean with the woman, which is likely to be very uncomfortable. But it's a thought. And, as a woman, I can say I'd prefer a guy to admit he's lied ASAP rather than learn about it later (possibly from somebody else).

But honesty issues aside, I think the most important advice you've gotten so far is to RELAX. If you're nervous and tense she will definitely know something's up. And believe me, a woman thinking "something's up" while having sex is a serious mood killer.

- Tess

my bf was a virgin when we met, i was not.... he was vague, kind of made it seem like he had had sex before cuz he had an open box of condoms at his place, i kinda casually asked about who the sex was with , he was basically like "oh with this girl from the internet" (we met on the internet too)...anyway, a few months after we had sex i kinda brought it up again and he confessed that he was a virigin with me... it bothered me at the time quite a bit that he lied to me, but surprisingly when i asked my friends about this (a select few friends that i knew wouldnt' go bug him about being a virgin and stuff), they actually seemed to take his side, saying its hard to admit to being a virgin (we were 24, which i mean is starting to get old enough in some ways), .... so i mean, we've been together 2 years now, he hasnt seemed to lie about anything else, we have a functional relationship, ive asked him earlier in the relationship when it started to get serious if it bothered him that i had had sex with other people and he hadnt, he said no, i always worry that he will get curious about having sex with someone else, but its a silly fear, we're happy together,
so thats my story, it may not be the clearest, but it is almost 5 in the morning,
Word