Hey everyone, I'm 18 years old and recently I had sex for the first time in my life. I have to say though, I didn't enjoy it that much for a number of reasons. I found it hard to stay erect (was very nervous) and could not cum inside my girlfriend. I was getting no stimulation whatsoever and it made it very awkward. So I was feeling pretty low afterwards.
The main thing that made me upset though was.
Before we got started, my girlfriend, who is 17, told me that it was her first time. Then afterwards, she revealed to me that she had sex before when she was 14 but stopped after a minute because it hurt too much. It completely destroyed me inside to hear that. She told me she counted me as her first time and not that other time, but I still felt upset. Especially considering it was with a guy she just met and barely knew, and she had been with me for 5 months before she let me do anything with her. Even if she didn't go "all the way" I still wanted to be her first, I'm not and can never be. I love her very much, and there is no way that this would change that. I have spoken to her about it and said that I would get over it eventually. She was pretty upset, but the day after we spoke about it, she said that it was no big deal and I agreed. If I think about it logically, it's not a big deal. But my natural feelings are of hurt and shame. As much as I want to dissmiss them, I can't. I'm trying really hard to get over this, I feel bad for feeling this way because I do love her and I don't want sex to change that. But if anyone could offer any advice, I would appreciate it. I'm not looking to be judged, I know that it's pretty immature and petty to be thinking this way, but I simply can't help it and noone else really wants to disscuss it with me.
Thank you
As you age, there will be other girlfriends and it is not reasonable to be everyone's first. You are being irrational. Some women do try when young and then take a break of a few years. So, who is really their first? And what difference does it make.
Her sex life is her problem. You should focus on why you were nervous and underperforming - by your standards.
One thing that I found out is don't think about it too much.My first time went good but after that I started to think about it too much and the same thing happened to me. I lost my erection right in the middle of intercourse.So I figured I was worried to much about it.Once I quit thinking about it and just put my mind on satisifying my partner everything was fine.You'll be fine, just quit thinking about it so much and do what come's naturally
I understand the hurt at the deception, but why do you feel shame?? Honestly, if these are the emotions you're having, you may not be ready for a sexual relationship with this girl or any girl just yet. Don't be so hard on yourself--we can't help the way we "feel."
She probably felt shame for trying sex at such a young age and she obviously didn't want to have it again for a few years. Then she chose you to have it with--that should make you feel a little better.
Please try not to focus on this and let it ruin a nice relationship.