I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 24 and we've recently just had sex for the first time (first time for both of us as well). As expected, we've run into some problems and hope you could help.
My boyfriend feels that he's waited for too long to have sex and that other guys his age are far more experienced. This makes him nervous and lacking in confidence rather than stir his curiousity to catch up. If foreplay lasts for too long he gets nervous half-way through and loses his erection.
He'd be happier shutting his eyes, me putting a condom on him and getting it done and over with before he knows it!
His knowledge of female anatomy is basically non-existant and he's afraid of exploring me, even if I'm patient and also willing to teach him. He'd rather go to the dentist than look and feel the clitoris, nevermind exploring the inside of my vagina!
He knows I'm just as new to sex as he is but, unlike him, I'm very well documented and would like to share that knowledge with him so we can both learn to be good lovers (knowing stuff alone doesn't make a good lover).
He also lacks initiative (asks me for confirmation all the time) and I would like him to become a more confident lover. How do I help him do that?
Given that he's so afraid of the real thing, I showed him a diagram and picture of the vagina on the net. I also showed him a documentary on sex positions. I figure that the best way forward is to document ourselves together on the net about things like erogenous zones, tips, techniques and talk about it. I hope that once the fear of unknown goes away (as a result of sex and my body becoming familiar to him) we can start exploring and enjoying ourselves more.
What do you think? Any other tips? Is this the way to go? Any help is much appreciated!!
Wow, that really sucks. Uhm...the only thing I can really tell you is try and reassure him about not being nervous. If he's scared he's less experienced than most guys, tell him that it doesn't matter. You're at the same level, and those guys aren't going to be there, peaking in and telling him to slow down ( that has happened to me...XD) This might make him a little more comfortable. I don't know, maybe presenting it in a humourous manner would ease some of the tension? i know humor is a really big thing me my boyfriend and i, and it's easier to talk with it.
You'll have to go slow with him. One thing at a time however; do not overwhelm him with information. Once he has stopped being nervous about Step 1, then go on to Step 2. Eventually he'll get there.