[QUOTE=big916;270478]I meant awkward especially between a parent and child of opposite sex like cal and his mom.[/QUOTE]
O, ok. I can't comment much on that, was a bit too young last time I saw my father. Looking back; I don't remember discussing any sexually related questions with him, but can't remember him not answering one of my questions either (which is probably a good sign :)) I do remember talking with him about abortion, which was a rather impressive conversation to me (I was about 6/7 years old). I asked him questions and he explained to me exactly what abortion was and every good reason people had for doing it. I don't know if I was really ready to hear all that, but most likely it was one of those conversations that contributed to how I've viewed the world as a set of grays instead of black-whites from a relatively young age.

i may be a guy, but everyone deserves privacy. My lack of privacy is one of the things that makes me wanna cut (6 days without!) and it is just wrong to invade such privacy!

How embarrassing!:eek: this girl may be young but is still an adult. neither her mother and siblings should be looking through her stuff. sometimes kids find things, i channel surfed and found a soft core nude film "Hard Bodies" which showed many naked women. my eyes and attention never left the tv screen unless i thought someone was coming up stairs. the next day i told my friend about this glorious moment, and word got around at what i had watched from him. my parents did little, in fact i can't even remember what they said.

anyways, i would be extremely embarrassed if something like this happened to me. i personally wouldn't talk to her if that was my mother for a very long time. there is no need to talk about things like that at work. no parent should be going through the child's things, even more so when they are an adult. as a man i think it would be a little awkward to find my daughter's vibrator, just because the opposite sex parent/child is more weird than if it was a mother and daughter. i would still never do that to her and probably not even talk about it unless it could easily be found by young kids.

Unfortunately, I have been in this situation. My mom told me that where she came from, if women owned that, they would be killed.

I never got the sex talk from my parent's except for "do not have sex, if you have sex and get pregnant, I will kick you out of the house."

I settled for the Homedics Quad massagers after awhile. There are no questions.

But it's this type of stuff that hurts a woman's quest to allow herself to feel proud about her sexuality.

1. It's wrong, she's an adult, that was just so humiliating to do that. I would actually consider cutting ties with that parent. On top of that, what the parent did was so wrong on so many levels. Why would you confront your own daughter at work to bring up something so private? This is emotional and psychological abuse. No one in their right mind would ever do something like that unless the intent was to humiliate. I feel so much pain for the girl...

What on earth is mom thinking?! What is she trying to accomplish? :eek:

Age 21? Finished education, full time job, own home, marriage, kids of her own, etc; anything is possible at that adult age! I'm sorry, but mom has got to realize the years of upbringing are over. Anything she wanted to teach should have been taught by now. It's time to sit back relaxed and enjoy the results :)

Had the girl been at a younger age, even then this situation would be unacceptable. Somewhat more logical perhaps that mom could accidentally find the toy. But the response certainly should never be such a dramatic outburst! That could really affect the girl's sexual development in a bad way. No parent wants that, do they? :( Parents adding some sexual education they might/may/could have forgotten, discussing information on safe use of sex toys, expressing concerns over her health, now that I can imagine! The few logical reasons for taking the toy from her that I can think off, would be if she's so young you'd consider it health risk/unsafe. Or perhaps because it is illegal here to buy sextoys under 18 (I don't know what the law says on "owning" however :rolleyes:)

No Calliton, your parents aren't the only ones

My mother has given me excellent sexual education; starting at such a young age that I don't even remember when I first knew about the basics of sex. I could ask her anything! :) She was the type of mom that wanted her teens prepared for anything. And she would have been much obliged to get me condoms (I've bought those myself from age 15, even though I didn't use them for years). Yet: she was also the one to comment on any additions to sex as signals of perversity or sexual dysfunction. Not that she really condemned it... So I'm not sure how she would reacted to me owning lube and sextoys (which I do nowadays) :rolleyes: Moreover; sex comes with a body or two and persons are attached to these bodies. Below the surface, my mother's views on sex got attached to her other views on (wo)men, self-respect, relationships, family, etc. Now that's where things got really complicated in practice ;)

[QUOTE=Thecalliton;270114]well, to be exact, she doesnt want a me in my life. I was an accident, and she doesnt want me to deal with an accident... real confidence booster, eh?[/QUOTE]
Calliton, that sounds so sad! :( And I think Int is right. But I also can understand if this is troubling you to some point. I'm an accident myself. My mother was thrilled from the moment she knew. My father... let's say he wasn't happy at all... If you ever need a chat, just pm me!

Ok first off, the woman lives in the moms home...so "technically" the mother does have the right to make rules and such. If my parents found something they found offensive they would take it (they actually confiscated condoms that were laying on my bed one day.

BUT. The mother should have handled it differently. That is a private affair. Not something you take in public. If my mother had ever done that to me I would have moved out and never talked to her again. This woman is a perfect example of ignorance in society. People like her are the reason why sexual development is so inhibited in kids.

This woman should be publicly humiliated and then thrown in jail so that she can't screw her kids up

are my folks the only ones who approve of sex? hell, my mom asked me to tell her when i start having sex so she can buy me condoms! Am i in the twilight zone or something?

Ducy according to what was said she is visiting home for the summer, she doesn't live there permentely. Unless the mom found it by accident cleaning the room or something she is in the wrong. A sex toy is not a gun or drugs so it doesn't need to be confiscated.

Cal - your mom's behavior is in the minority for sure. I think I can talk to my parents about sex but I still feel weird about it. I guess if your parents arent very open then people take on society's opinion, which is to be embarrassed or ashamed. I don't think your mom is for sex per say but she wants to make sure to minimize STD transmission and unwanted pregnancies. I applaud your mom and her philosophy.

well, to be exact, she doesnt want a me in my life. I was an accident, and she doesnt want me to deal with an accident... real confidence booster, eh?

Regardless big she is under her roof and therefore liable to fall under her "rules". But at the same time its wrong the way it was handled.

Then again I'm playing devils advocate since nobody else here is.

I have to agree with Ducy on this one. At college age, until you've got a place of your own, whether you like it or not, parents often decide they rule their roost. Granted, at some age, you've got to assert your adulthood. But many parents find that a hard pill to swallow.

Example: first time I stayed overnight with a man, I was 27 (yeah, pretty old for a first timer at that experience, but we don't have enough time) and living under my parents' roof. When I told my mother I'd be staying out that night, she tried to tell me "no, you're not." I replied that I wasn't asking permission, because as an adult I didn't need it. Rather I was informing her of my planned whereabouts because I owed her that courtesy because I lived under her roof. She immediately started balling, and couldn't bring herself to attend church the next morning (this was a Saturday night) because she didn't have anything to tell the people that would inevitably ask where I was. Because I was the age I was, having the adult responsibilities I did (full time job, car, etc) I felt I had earned the right to that independence. At 20, still in school, still financially and in other ways dependent upon my parents, I wouldn't have dared.

Having said that however, the mother in OP's post berating her daughter in public was utterly inappropriate.

Cal, your mom's trying to look out for you. She doesn't mean to hurt your feelings by what she does. It doesn't mean she has any regrets about you coming into her life, it just means that perhaps she didn't feel as prepared for you to come as she'd like to have been, and she's trying to help you not have to grow up quite as fast as she did.

Excuse me, but EXACTLY what is the problem with promiscuous sex?
I haven't had a complaint yet.

Mommy should have kept her nose OUT of her adult daughter's business. Her house, her rules does NOT give Mommy Dearest the right to PRY which you can bet she did - just because she sounds like the type of sexually repressed bitch who would pry into what is none of her business - berating her daughter at work like that shows a complete and irrational lack of control.

No, Cal, you're not alone. My mother was very supportive and so have I been to my kids.

Maybe its just me but maybe the mother would prefer that since her b/f is gone and without a toy the girl is going out and having sex with stranger

i have to disagree because the way the mother reacted proves that she never would have mentioned these rules. she is way too UPTIGHT! i fully agree with EEK, she probably was purposefully looking through her daughter's stuff. thinking oh my daughter is in college so lets go see if there is any dope in there, all kids do dope. im giving the daughter the benefit of the doubt that she is supporting herself through college and school ended for the year, so she wanted to visit her family for the summer. the mother wouldn't have snooped around if the visitors were family around her age, but because it is her child she thinks it is ok to invade her privacy.

I'm not trying to justify the mom humiliating her child here guys...I'm saying the whole "search and siezure" is somewhat understandable. I once had a playboy in my room. My parents took it (was hidden under dresser). There is a point where you must assert your adulthood but you do have to respect the "rules no matter how ignorant they are. I'm not allowed to have girls in my room. I'm 21. I'm working full time and I pull more than my share around the house, and care for my mom. To say I can't have a person of the opposite sex in my room is a little childish.

But EEK IS right...what is wrong with promiscuous sex? The mother is incredibly uptight and ignorant.

I think we learned a good lesson here though. Keep your vibrator in your purse. That way parents can't find it and the worse thing that happens is you accidentally drop it while rummaging through it at the store :p

LOL

Now in my house, my kids kept covering their ears saying "lalalalala we don't want to hear it!"

But I am a determined woman so they did, eventually, hear it.

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;270508]LOL

Now in my house, my kids kept covering their ears saying "lalalalala we don't want to hear it!"

But I am a determined woman so they did, eventually, hear it.[/QUOTE]

why arent you my mother?

thats terrible! i think everyone has been embarressed by there parents at some point but at work over a sex toy is just awful! so glad my mom is open and honest with me.

sex ed at minnehaha consisted of, mores pecificly, this is a womans body. This is a mans body. This part goes into that part.

no STD' or pregnancy, a referance to condoms. The gist of it was that sex was to make kids and any sexual pleasure is evil.

Made me wanna prove them wrong.

Hey no apologies necessary RR. He died a hero in my eyes because he tested many of the experimental drugs that are (or were) helping people infected with HIV nowadays. And from what I understand the side effects were aweful.

And what's really confusing is that my mom is very upset with my "promiscuity" but my dad (who was apparantely a total ladies man and flirt at my age, just about died trying to talk to me about sex when he discovered the sexinfo101 url on my computer (I was 16 or so at the time.)

I find it crazy that suddenly his views on sex are so eskewed

He must have been really brave, Ducy! Every right to be proud of him!

As for your parents; I can think of a few things:

Look around and you'll see how people try to dissemble from their past. I don't know how many times I've heard an adult say "but I was young" as if (s)he wasn't even the same person. It's like that's the excuse of century! Neither can I count how many times I've been disappointed as a child that grown-ups had appeared to have forgotten how they felt like when they were younger. People change with age as they go through their experiences in life. As they find their ways in life and through society, they grow into a comfort zone and everything they've experimented with prior, is not much relevant anymore. People forget. Till a point some can't even identify with prior experiences (the famous: "what on earth was I thinking!?")

The result; parents trying to make up for their mistakes through their children and trying to protect them from every mistake they've ever made, isn't uncommon.

Another aspect; parents having a hard time letting go of the desperate need to control and judge adult children's behavior. After all; they are responsible for putting you into this world and have tried to bring you up a decent human being. It's hard to let go of that responsibility. And since they have taught you right from wrong during all those years in the way they believed was right, it may be hard to stop doing that.

Those were just a few of my thoughts. Off course probably incomplete and much generalized and thus not much 1-1 applicable to an individual, but you get the picture I'm trying to draw out :) It doesn't make it right. Certainly not! But it could make things more understandable, when you look from their point of view.

unless your parents were not similar to the characters of "fast times at ridgemont high" then they really have no room to talk about your "promiscuity". the depiction of teens in that time are no different from when we were in high school. maybe worse for you ducy because you had sexting ability, which we didn't have a few years earlier. i use that reference because my mom was my age when the movie came out of partied hard.

I meant awkward especially between a parent and child of opposite sex like cal and his mom. We never had sex Ed in the US, we had health class which taught general health and this was the appropriate time to talk about sex. depending on which state you were in determined how much they talked about it. In liberal California 2001 when it was time to talk about sex we still never discussed about the pleasures of sex. Only videos of what could happen at parties and such. Then came the graphic diseased genital pictures and most of the 14 year olds reacted loudly. I guess in the bible belt states they didn't teach anything except saying that sex out of wedlock is nothing but devilment and foolishness.

Can anyone older say born in the 60's or earlier talk about what school taught about sex if anything?

They spoke of utenizing hormones and so forth. When teacher asked about first kisses I just had to ask "first kiss where?" His reply was "Shut up." Then he asked someone else who waxed romantic thus giving him the "in" he wanted to "only with one you love."

Ghastly class.

our sex ed class in middle school consisted of about 12 weeks of a teacher saying it's bad, don't do it, or you'll get and std or aids and then you'll probably die, so wait till you're married and then use a condom. They gave us the chance to write and submit questions privately, but they were never really answered

I straight up told my mom that I had sex with my first love. It was probably 2 or 3 weeks after it happened. I've also come to her when I was confused (thought I was in love with a friend/roomate because while sleeping with another girl I felt like I was betraying my friend/roomate even though we weren't even dating or anything)

I think I made her very uncomfortable lol. But hey I was confused and needed advice.

On the other hand my parents do hate my supposedly "promiscuous" sex life. But I attribute that to my uncle having aids (and ironically he didn't get it via intercourse but rather through a blood transfusion in the early 80's)

So sorry for your uncle, Ducy!

And I think parents are the ones we should be able to turn to when confused. They're the people you trust and who are always there for you. I intend to be such a mom one day for my future children. Comon; after I've dried their tears and cleaned their butts, seen them make so many mistakes and go through embarrassment, answered their questions, etc; they shouldn't feel ashamed to ask me anything, even when they're no little children anymore. They shouldn't feel obligated to ask my advice either, off course! :)

Funny; my mother did not believe I did not have sex yet while I was dating my now-bf; that was awkward and made ME feel uncomfortable :rolleyes:

big916, why do you think i ended up here?

Well this place is more for the pleasuring part of sex with of course info on being safe. I wouldn't expect your mother to teach you how to please someone sexually, that would be incredibly awkward.

I think this site gives information on both safety and pleasure and so much more :)

Awkward? I remember that as part of advanced sex ed in high school biology-class we went over erogenous zones on a body-dummy and my teacher explained how some could orgasm from fumbling ears. I would have found it nice if the classes would have been more about how sex gives us great feelings, in addition to how sex gives us STD's; memorizing the names, risks, symptoms, possible medication, etc. And off course; the protection from all this through condoms. Even protection against pregnancy wasn't the main emphasis; although certainly discussed, with a BCP as the solver of all ones' troubles. BCP+condoms and you'd be having more chances of getting run over by a buss while biking to school, than getting pregnant or STD's while having sex. Anyways, I actually found that particular lesson on erogenous zones one of the most fascinating of all. I was sitting upright at the tip of my chair... and there it stopped. Aaaahwww! :( Guess I was one of those weird people who wanted to learn why and how sex could be good, whereas for most it's their natural intrinsic motivator... O well, next subject was the miracle of pregnancy thoroughly discussed and that got me happy :)

Btw; I know they are constantly revising such teaching strategies/materials and this was over 10 years ago. Perhaps they now also make you memorize all the types of toys, materials, safe usage and cleaning ;) Would make a fine addition in this day and age, wouldn't it?

I disagree, to an extent with Ducy. Personally, I think if you're a good person and sexually responsible, hell no should parents interfere with the sex lives of their children.

Besides, I personally would never want to repeat the cycle of sexual frustrations in expressions or sexual inhibition. :(:mad:

RR, i got no sex ed from my folks
my mom just expected me to know everything. I have been my own sex ed teacher.

And I might PM you sometime if im feeling down, thanks.

and I still think the mom in the OP's post was out of line. She should respect the sexuality on a young woman! FACISTS! :P love that word

regardless of whether or not the mother approved of the sex toy, she should have never confronted her at work !!

I don't read in the thread that anyone thinks parents HAVE the right.....merely that quite often they THINK they do, and thus BEHAVE as though they do. Fact of life. Either you accept it and operate within it, or you put them in their place. But I guarantee you the latter won't be fun the first time you have to do it.

That's odd cal that your mother would be so forward about making sure you have protection, but not educate you on certain things about sex. That's kind of only half the job.