Hi all,
Recently, I had sex with my partner. After I came, he removed himself from me, and I proceeded to give him a hand job. After a few minues, he told me that I wasnt providing enough stimultion to his head, so I started providing it with more stimulation, then after a couple more minutes, he said he lost concentration...and told me it wasnt my fault. His penis was still erect. he excused himself and went to the bathroom. this was the 3rd time ive given him a hand job(not on the same night, though). The other two went well, he was very pleased. I dont know what happened this time.
can someone explain this whole, "losing concentration" concept? what else can one be thinking about during sex?
Im very confused and cant help but feel guilty for not being able to help him climax. or maybe hes not attracted to me anymore? I dont know? opinions please. =/
As a woman who had been w/men for a long time...I would say his verbiage is he was focusing on you, new to intercourse w/you, and held off on having an orgasm. He lost his concentration perhaps because he was focusing on you.
Read all the topics in the beginning titled "Partial Index":
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/in
Nothing to worry about a slip up every now and again...
If this happens often, then you might want to talk about it more.
Could be he's stressed out, could be he's tired, etc.
Not necessarily a reason to worry.
Any of these might be the cause of the problem; yet I tend to believe that he lost concentration because he was in fact concentrating hard to connect the sensations you were providing with what he needs in order to climax.
Every male since going through puberty has quickly worked out a specific set of movements, rhythms, pressures, and adjusting these with feedback that he feels. The problem often is that as exquisite as a hand job and/or oral stimulation is these are not what he has come to rely upon to bring him to the brink of a climax. Usually your caresses will be more intense--just not what he needs. This is not your fault because each person male and female is responsible for his/her own orgasm. All any of us can hope for is to help our partner achieve them. In order to do this he must take your hand and guide your movements over several sessions until you learn to mimic his technique of stroking his penis. As for oral stimulation, he has to communicate what feels good and what he needs now/next. Key to all this is providing you with feedback, either verbal or non-verbal through body language.
All of this is explained in this article:
How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?
One more thing: Have either of you heard of the refactory period? This is the length of time it takes for a person to recoup and regroup after a climax in order to have a second or third.... For guys this can be anywhere from ten minutes to half an hour and is based upon age and the way an individual is "wired". For women, this period is usually just a few moments.
If he was trying to climax before his body was ready, a climax will not happen no matter how hard you tried and he concentrated.
Here is another article to read:
Please scroll down until you see Chapter Four:
MORE: From bungling student to graduating Lover Cum Laude
More helpful articles are listed in the Index found at the top of the main screen.
--BEGIN HERE--w/a Partial INDEX of Sex Info 101 Sex Ed. Topics
I hope all this helps. Please feel free to continue the discussion.
[QUOTE=sera300;229722]As a woman who had been w/men for a long time...I would say his verbiage is he was focusing on you, new to intercourse w/you, and held off on having an orgasm. He lost his concentration perhaps because he was focusing on you.
Read all the topics in the beginning titled "Partial Index":
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/in[/QUOTE]
Sera, I think this definitely may have had something to do with it. Usually when I do this for him, I dont make much eye contact until he comes. But this last time, we kept holding eachothers gaze, and smiling in between him closing his eyes trying to focus etc. While I really enjoyed all this eye contact and the little smirking etc, I guess maybe it did mess up his concentration. :-/
Ephemera, thank you for your reassurance. I think Im a little too worried, as you said. Hopefully this wont happen more often.
dancingdoc2; you bring up a good point. Yes, he and I are aware of a refratory period. After the first time we slept together, he told me he'd be 'ready' again in just 4 minutes. I did not take him up on his offer though, I just smiled and nodded. But in this case, we did wait about 30 minutes before going back to it a second time. But maybe he needed a little more time to recoupe and be fully ready.
Stella,
You worry when ge goes saft and gives up whilst in you. That does something for your ego!
Stella, please use condoms. If he's leaving you after you've had one orgasm you are both shortchanging eachother. Stop it.
Men 'concentrate' to ensure the best sexual outcomes for both partners. He has to focus upon you to make sure you're happy and then he has to focus on himself to ensure that he is happy. If he loses that self-focus, then he's pretty much done and no orgasm will result.
Please find and read the sticky post entitled The Program and do it several times, taking turns. It outlines the most effective cure for most sexual ills that I have found to date.
We did/ do use condoms every single time. I am also on the pill. We've never had a slip up, we always remember protection is necessary. However, we werent using a condom when I was stimulating him with my hand. He removed it after the act of penetration so I could help him finish. Is this ok that we dont use condoms for hand stimulation?
Also. I will definitely check out the thread, thanks for your input :)
Should be okay.
You're welcome.