Porn: Does it set improbable standards?

[Rouge]

Originally Posted by sania

I agree to most of the comments just mentioned by all. I dont say all are fake or boring but most porn movies are much far from reality. Most of them are for sick people.

I strongly disagree. Porn isn't for "sick people". If you find that you're degraded or feel that you don't measure up, or that it sets unrealistic expectations, it's because you're not secure in your sexual identity.

The problem is that after seeing such porns, some male partners either think that their female partner is not good at it. Or they try to force it on their g/fs. Or they feel that they are not lucky to get good g/f to do such silly things.

Unless you're looking at fetish porn, the basic categories deal with basic sex, anal sex, blowjobs, groupsex, and homosexual (male or female) sex, with some wiggle room.

If you're feeling pressured, and if your partner thinks it's ok to pressure you, it's not the porn doing it. You haven't made it clear to your partner that you cannot be pressured, and haven't set clear boundaries.

Any guy who has been with a number of women (a more experienced guy) will tell you that a very small number of the women they slept with could be compared to those in porn. If a man thinks his partner isn't doing something right, either she's really not, or he has no idea how it's supposed to be done because he hasn't done it yet, and lacks the experience to properly judge an average woman's skills/boundaries/ideals etc.

All this creates pressure on their female partner and some succumm to it. Most of the girls would agree with me. Girls like intimacy. Intimacy is a catalyst to good Sex life.

Intimacy is a good catalyst, but in my opinion, the grand majority of women take intimacy and squish it into a little box, when it's really a universe of trust and exploration with someone you love. Roses, gentle caresses, soft kisses, and cuddling are nice, but they're only 0.1% of the intimacy picture. True intimacy comes from openness, trust, and the knowing that you won't be judged for what you bring up.

I have never felt closer to my partner(figuratively) than when he told me about his desire to have his bum played with, and toyed. Not most people's rendition of intimacy, but he trusted that I wouldn't judge him, and brought up what he really wanted.

Sex is a funny, crazy, borderline ridiculous amazing sharing and reciprocating process. If you're stuffing it into a little paperback-novel romance book box, you'll never understand it's true potential.

Thus this creates some problem in society. Unhappy male or unhappy female or both unhappy. Hence they keep on searching for that happiness which they would perhaps never get. Else they have to get it on paying something.

The problem in society isn't created by porn, it's created by the closed-mindedness of the majority of people out there. You want special and fluffy and cute, yes (I do too sometimes), but sometimes what both of you need is a good couple of hours worth of hot, sweaty exploration. You'll never know everything about your partner if you never explore, and sex is the most primal activity we have. Be a tiger, come home, tear at his clothes and make him your toy. I assure you, he won't be unhappy anymore.

[2little]

i feel pornography, should be shared by partners. The only way i find it to be a bad thing, is when one partner watches it by themselves and hides it and/or doesn't share it due to being uncomfortble or for some other reason. I personally get turned on by acting one out.

I mean my husband and i have our share of issues with porn but i have set out my rules and he has set out his.

as to the point of high standards. I feel it only gives high standards and wild imaginations to young kids.

[wet_suit_one]

Interesting discussion. Please continue.

FYI, I agree with Rouge.

What is this "intimacy" business you other folks are talking about? How is that expressed in sex? What does "intimacy" mean in sex anyways? You're bumping uglies, isn't that the very definition of intimacy? Or are roses required?

[EvilEvilKitten]

WSO - intimacy is that emotional component of sex.

[Buck Naked]

Porn has it's place, but you have to take it for what it is...fantasy. The "stars" are not realistic in any way. In fact, most of the women are so enhanced that they almost become unattractive. I watched a documentary about Stacy Valentine and it would kill the fantasy for anyone who enjoys porn.

What most people fail to realize is that porn is a movie. This means it has been edited and pieced together to make it look perfect. You don't see the guy getting off too early and director yelling cut to pick up filming with a "stunt cock" or at a later time. You don't see a girl having 2 minutes of anal sex and with the 3 or 4 cameras catching the action so that it can be stretched to 8 minutes of movie time. You never hear the unflattering noises that can sometimes be heard while normal people are having sex. Porn is no different from any other movie. They show you what you want to see.

[wet_suit_one]

So because Lord of the Rings was just a movie it wasn't enjoyable? Huh?

Porn is great because it's a sexual fantasy you can whack off too... Merely because it doesn't appeal to women, doesn't mean it ain't great! No one should mistake it for reality, but no one should be afraid that Sauron is coming to steal their ring either. It's really that simple.

[Rouge]

I wasn't saying that intimacy itself is false, or that it was pointless. I'm a fan of it myself. I was pointing out that it doesn't have to be storybook romance to be intimate.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Very true, Rouge.

[frisky_fox]

take it with a pinch of salt i say ... not litterally of cors lol its good for some fantasys and for fetishes but will never replace the real thing and doesn't try to.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Ah, but it does replace the real thing for some people.

And that could pose a bit of a problem as egos get wrapped into fantasy for some people - those whom others reject.

Hence the very real concern about the medium itself. The question is when does fantasy become pathology.