How Do You Define Sex?

[notthatjay]

My wife and I recently found (after quite a few years of marriage) that we had really different ideas of what activities were (or were not) sex. It never made a difference; in fact, it never really came up in coversation before.

But it got me thinking: What do people think IS sex, and what ISN'T? Please check ALL of the things in the list that you think ARE considered sex. If there's something that's not in the list but you think it's sex, please include it in a reply message.

[dancingdoc2]

The problem with this question is that many people nowadays refer to "sex" as intercourse. While this is OK, it can be a problem if someone refers to "sex" or having a problem with "sex" during Necking, Petting, Heavy Petting and/or the Foreplay stage(s).

When someone writes in about having some specific difficulty with "sex", my initial response is always to be more specific. The same thing holds true for "foreplay". Foreplay activities are specific to oral stimulation, a hand job, and/or anal play--not all the fooling around that transpires beforehand. It is important therefore to call each stage by its name in order to understand where in the overall scheme of things the problem is happening.

[oaktree]

This is where my wife and I have our disagreement. We both see the losing your virginity and sex is when you have vaginal intercourse. She was my first, umm…for most of everything. I was not her first on most of sexual activity. However, she did have sex with one guy and it was in and out. That’s it. But she doesn’t see it as intercourse and therefore I am her first. I disagree, one he sticks it in you, that’s sex.

[notthatjay]

Originally Posted by dancingdoc2

The problem with this question is that many people nowadays refer to "sex" as intercourse. While this is OK, it can be a problem if someone refers to "sex" or having a problem with "sex" during Necking, Petting, Heavy Petting and/or the Foreplay stage(s).

When someone writes in about having some specific difficulty with "sex", my initial response is always to be more specific. The same thing holds true for "foreplay". Foreplay activities are specific to oral stimulation, a hand job, and/or anal play--not all the fooling around that transpires beforehand. It is important therefore to call each stage by its name in order to understand where in the overall scheme of things the problem is happening.

Doc, I agree with your point: we really ought to be more specific about what we mean by sex -- especially when discussing a sex-related (there we go again!) problem or difficulty. If I go to my doctor and tell him that I have a problem with sex, I need to be specific. If my wife isn't available to me, or if she wants more sex than I do, or if she likes it rougher than I do...none of that will be solved by the doctor assuming that I'm asking for some little blue pills.

My point in creating the poll was to emphasize the differences in, and maybe get a better understanding of, what "sex" means to a range of people. In my case, I was surprised by the difference in definitions between my wife and me -- and I probably know her better than I know anyone else. When she originally asked "How many women have you had sex with?", I answered truthfully according to my own definition. It was a surprise that, all these years later, I found out that her definition was MUCH broader than mine. So, by her definition, the number of women I've had sex with is somewhat (OK, a lot) larger than what I told her. Not a big deal, but when the two of us run into an old girlfriend (as happens occasionally) and I'm asked afterward "Did you have sex with her?", I'd rather not answer something stupid like "By whose definition?". I don't know about you, but that would probably earn me a few nights on the couch.

If we had the "What is your definition of sex?" discussion at the beginning, there wouldn't be that uncertainty about definitions. As you say, Doc, it's best to be specific. Of course, that's easier said than remembered when the relationship is new and you're ripping each other's clothes off.

[Brandye]

If it is activity intended to erotically stimulate one or more people, possibly to the point of orgasm, it is sex.

Anything that leads to sexual satisfaction of ones' self or a partner is sex.

[terey]

Brandye, on the nose !!

notthatjay are you tring to figure out if you or clinton was wrong