Should I be able to get oral from someone else?

[mattc]

dlb, I didn't mean to call you out. Honestly, when I posted this it was mostly in jest. I have expressed to her very often how much I enjoy it, she doesn't want to to do it. She claimed a few weeks ago she doesn't mind doing it, it's me coming that's a problem. I called bullshit on that one! As far as offering to do it ten fold, I already do. Last night when she said "it would feel really good if you went down on me" I almost said yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I didn't, I went down on her, but I was annoyed afterward.

Why she doesn't like it? I don't know the details but apparently someone in her past got to come in her mouth and it made her throw up. I'm assuming it's the gag reflex and not the taste/texture/etc of the come. She says it happened more than once. Now I'm not the kind of guy who wants to know about her sexual past. She's already told me more than I want to know. Mostly because I'm not getting as much or what I want and I hold these things against her in my head. I don't honestly care about her past and might welcome the stories if I were more satisfied. And before you say tell her this, I have.

I finally had the epiphany that I'm not happy. It keeps me up at night. I don't want to hurt her feelings but when it keeps me up at night she needs to know it bothers me. The last time we had this talk I specifically said "I'd really like a blow job now and then but I'll never ask you for one". She knows I meant that. She knows I like it. If I asked her for permission to go outside of the marriage to get one she'd cry and in the end give me a blow job. That's not what I want, I want her to do it because she wants to.....or at least wants to please me.

I've already decided I need some counseling. I've got issues, not just sexual, that I need help fixing. I've tried to work through them myself but it's not working.

[Brandye]

Good for you!! Recognizing that sex problems are usually indicative of other problems is a major step. Wherever this may take you, you will each and both be better off for it.

Godspeed.

[llblovesejw]

Awww I do understand her reluctance though.
I've thrown up at least 3 times from swallowing (and that was BEFORE my pregnant senses kicked in) and it burns so bad. Have you ever had cum come out of your nose? Not. Fun. For me, it's the taste and texture AND my gag reflex. Also, I'm not sure if you two have the same problem but with blowjobs, it takes my boyfriend foreverrrr to finish. That's not to say he doesn't, quite the opposite really (it's much stronger). But being down there with only half the breathing ability for a prolonged amount of time is kind of a downer.
So, I can understand where she's coming from. BUT that's not to say I agree with her choice to avoid blowjobs. Part of love is being able to suck up the bad so you can enjoy more of the good.


It's good that you're taking control of the situation, though, and trying to find out the problem. I like you. I hope things get better for you.

[dlb]

Call me out? I didn't have any problem with your reply to my reply. Semen in the mouth seems to be a major issue with many women; women who enjoy having a tongue inserted directly into their vaginas even.

You could get her to try the "Cosmo BJ" which is what I call the technique promoted by many popular women's magazines. It's really an orally assisted hand job, based on the premise forwarded by people who are not equipped with a penis, that we can't tell the difference between a hand and a mouth if we aren't looking. Anyway she mostly jacks you off with some occasional sucking of the head and you don't come in her mouth.

Or you can try the dlb TM no hands and no semen in the mouth BJ. I find that my glans is only about the 4th most sensitive part. I have more sensation in the frenulum, circumcision scar and mostly where the frenulum connects to what would where the foreskin was attached. So as long as those parts are being orally stimulated just before, during, and after orgasm it feels about as good as an average oral penetration BJ and she doesn't get semen in her mouth. If you are not circumcised you still might find stimulation of the frenulum and the point where the frenulum connects to the foreskin to be quite ecstatic.

Apart from this I can only echo what Brandye said.