Places to Make Out

[sera300]

Originally Posted by lnt1103

Easy, CL and Sera. I don't read Sera as rationalizing, and I don't read CL as arguing or attacking. I think Sera was trying to explain what goes on in the minds of abusers themselves-how THEY attempt rationalize it. But rational people don't see the rationale of IRrational people.

Small, I'm sorry all this is rearing its head, but you sound like you're in a healthy place about it-keep your chin up and your head screwed on straight. It will pass and you'll be okay

You made the point exactly. He would not think of doing such. However, how people rationalize or the indicators for abusers are what I mentioned. Control is a early indicator. Following is hitting something, threats, etc. past history of being abused & inability of cope [insanity] are exactly what makes one incapable of proper control over their actions. It's not filled with Swiss cheese.

It's almost as saying; "my husband of 10 years, who was sane, changed and the day he raised his arm & the day I tossed him out during the debate over the girlfriend was something I deserved". He was sick; and out he went.

What I am implying to CL; it's not nonsense...this is real & because he, CL, is a gentleman does not mean the guy standing next to you, looks normal is not. Abuse spans all classes & genders as well. He should be aware of this especially having children of his own. If a woman tells you this, you need to listen since you may be the only help she has.

And to SOC...THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME KNOW YOU ARE OKAY!

The laws are the same; if caught either the petitioner or the police can press charges. Unfortunately, my ex is a uniform with a law degree. Thank God for my male family members. And he was also the Catholic alter boy, cub scout, boy scout, etc. and went off the deep end after a death in his family. He remains a threat to this day; I am grateful to be able to sink him with attorneys, gates, and surveillance cameras. The back up is; I carry & moved. Faster than a cop who would help me can get to me; a male family member can get to help me--the stalking never really ends but is only "begun" at times where he can predict or when he can elicit new help. It's been done in front of many & it's not any resemblance to the man I married for the first several years. It began with having work issues which led him to control issues at home. The first fist went through the wall...well, after you figure it out? You toss them out & hell begins. And I quickly realized a Order of Protection was more dangerous. At one point my attorney's had advised me to leave the state...the reply was no...since the men in my family would be separated too far away to help me. He & his friends even arranged for me to be run off the road...good thing it was close to a family member's place of employment, went to the attorneys, and a private PI was put in the car, now driven by this male family member. They came right back at my vehicle on camera & they lost a police car...I lost a SUV & spent a holiday in ICU. This was a man I knew many years prior to even dating him & our entire marriage was not like this. So, even those in nice suits [without the bad boy look] may not be really great men...yet so many never really know the truth. The embarrassment of having to tell your father & other men the truth? And that your tried to fight off the attack? You fear they will just react & do something to end up in jail themselves. When you tell the truth? It was the worst day of my life.

This is why I need to finish writing for a sticky...so CL, men do this and if you do not believe me look on the domestic abuse sites for info. I am not excusing his actions or sypathizing with him...I only justify a way of not killing him. No court would ever prosecute me after all the transcripts...and what has happened even up until earlier in the year.

[weasel]

just about anywhere private, i can't stand when people make out in public, i don't mind kisses but when they are just off to the side making out it pisses me off

[KMB]

I like private kissing also but I don't mind either one really. I like to make out in the car or bed mostly though.

[constantlylearning]

Seriously, there is no rationalizing anything of the sort............cause and
effect NO WAY..........IT'S WRONG PERIOD.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by constantlylearning

Seriously, there is no rationalizing anything of the sort............cause and
effect NO WAY..........IT'S WRONG PERIOD.

Yes, it's wrong. That is not the debate. Finding the answers why people remain in these relationships is important & finding ways to help them get out. What do you do with the abuser later? It's a societal issue. Yes, its wrong, no one is doubting that. But how do you change society? How do you make it stop? To effectuate change you need to understand why, when, how...no one is saying it's okay...its convincing people to see it's NOT OKAY.

And I am not talking about kissing from the previous thread.

[lnt1103]

Of course it's wrong period CL----to us NORMAL people. Part of the point is abusers aren't normal people. They don't see the wrong in it. Or they do but don't know how to change the pattern because it's all they've ever known.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by lnt1103

Of course it's wrong period CL----to us NORMAL people. Part of the point is abusers aren't normal people. They don't see the wrong in it. Or they do but don't know how to change the pattern because it's all they've ever known.

That's is very correct. For those who see it's wrong they do not know how to change. For those who see nothing wrong with their behavior & actions; they blame the other; often sated is: "If you would just do X; I would not be like this". I have heard this from female & a few male abuse victims.

There are those who begin either right out of the box as abusers & are chronic, relationship to relationship. Other's begin with exerting control emotionally over the other. My ex did not just hit me; that was the end. It began with discontent with dinner...I think wow, he had a bad day, why take it out on me. It turned to discontent over everything I was doing. I brought it up; an argument ensued. To maintain the upper hand as he was accustomed to at work. The fist went through the wall, I backed away. He sees fear. And strikes, the rest was an attempt to get away & to fight back. Meanwhile, I had brought up the girlfriend. Yes, he left, the doors were bolted. I called my brother to help me. The next time I saw him was in court. Hell was just beginning and continued; indirect control. He would show me what he could do to me for opening my mouth. He is still out there, hiding behind his badge & degree. He also knows; I better remain safe, it's for all our well beings.

It's not always simple; however, the actions are inexcusable. Too often women [and again some men] stay because they do not know any different or are fearful [rightfully so] to leave. Often it will go beyond, next he strikes the child, the family pet to show authority. It's a sick and vicious cycle which some do not know how to get of. There are some cases so bad; women are advised to stay, build and escape plan, and you flee when told by counselors. There are reasons of safety.

It's wrong, it's dead wrong, often it's letting people know its wrong. And how do you best deal with the victims? And the criminal? How do you change public views to uphold the dignity people are entitled to?

The sick part; the misnomer is since they often apologize; "He/she must really love me but they cannot control what they do". Sorry; that is not love and getting this through people's minds is the issue. Often women cover the abuse up [emotional, mental, or physical] due to embarrassment or feeling powerless. Others begin to believe their abuser is correct and they are wrong. This is a societal issue...

[wannabehis4ever]

i'm a big fan of anywhere in a room of a house where other people are around and we're making out/having fun in a different room but know there are people. gotta love the danger factor

[Ichigo Pantsu]

Lol Never thought about under a bed thats a new one to me =P. How did you manage to get on the rooftops at school Ducy? I can climb my school "parkouring is great" but not easily and to get a chick up there would be a task o.o

[mraveragehornyguy]

well.....
im up for it just about anywhere,
but my gf's more shy than a field mouse.
she'll barely peck me on the cheek in public,
let alone snog me. oh well.
doesnt matter any more i guess.
we've broken up now.