Cheating....Right or Wrong?

[Ducy]

So on alot of the post that I have read about cheating, alot of members say its ok since your not married...others say its a big no no. I want to know what you guys all think.

[dancingdoc2]

Ducy, Ducy, Ducy... It's not about what "you guys all think", it is about what is correct and ethical. Why do we even need a poll? All you may find out is that the unknown people responding are unethical, incorrect, and lack proper etiquette.

[Ducy]

Very true doc, i just was really curious to see what peoples reply would be...I mean i think it is a terrible thing to do...maybe because i was cheated on in my firste relationship...who knows...But then i see some people who think that your not married so its okay...It just doesnt make a whole lot of sense.

[Suki2007]

No matter what kind of relationship you are in, honesty and trust are necessary for its survival. When you cheat on someone, you break that trust and honesty which will do nothing but damage your relationship, even if the other party doesn't know about it. If you have an understanding, that is one thing, but to go behind ones back is just hurtful.

[Ducy]

now see thats what i wanted to know...i mean im not a cheater and i couldnt do it if i wanted....even if my girlfriend said ok...i just found, I believe EEK and Brandye's opinion, of dont ask dont tell its not like your married approach interesting, and sorta sad...not trying to flame anyone on the site, i respect their opinion just kinda found it odd.

[sera300]

Cheating to me is defined as doing something with the intent or the outcome being done unknown to the person who believes you are exclusive. If married and BOTH partners decide to have an open marriage, then it's their life and not cheating. If you decided to be in a MONOGOMOUS & exclusive relationship then go outside of the relationship without the express permission of the other, it's cheating. If just dating someone, there is no cheating nor implied relationship.

The point of not telling someone about your "infidelity" is a simple issue. You messed up, you feel guilt, in an attempt to rid yourself of the bad feelings, you tell your "exclusive" or spouse; only to hurt them beyond imagination. Is that better? I feel the dishonest one should knock it off and get back to their relationship & repair it; discussing the infidelity serves no purpose. If they decide to continue the relationship with the other person, then you have to tell and move on or get divorced. I can only tell you, been through it myself with my ex-husband; I knew damned well he was fooling around, he did not have to tell me, he just had to end it and straighten his act up and our marriage. When he fell for the gf (while he was married to me) and she became pregnant, I needed to know he was leaving and why. Needless to say he still did not tell me rather it took a private investigator to confirm my beliefs. So, I served him up with divorce parers on adultery, abandonment, and cruel & inhumane treatment...divorce my way. If he was a man and told me why he was going to leave, it would have been ireconcilable differences.

My point is defining cheating is one thing & another is why are you telling the other?

[curious_woman]

I agree with sera. If you're just "seeing" someone, have a FWB, or an open marriage its fine. AS LONG AS BOTH SIDES AGREE. Personally, I would never agree to that, I am much too jealous and possessive to let another (wo)man? touch my man.

Committed, monogamous relationships, married or not require fidelity or its just a lie and the murderer of your relationship.

[Ephemera]

I whole heartedly agree with the above poster.

[Suki2007]

I agree with you Sera, but I do think that if one does cheat, the other party has a right to know because they may have caught an STD. Like, for me - my ex cheated on me and didn't tell me until 3 weeks later. After he told me, I was promptly checked and yep, I had chlamydia. Yay me. Anyway, the point is, if he hadn't told me, I wouldn't have gotten tested. Plus, I would rather know than not know - especially if you are already having relationship problems. Then you have all the information and can make a decision from there.

[RinoaTakako]

I could never EVER cheat on anyone. Even in my worst relationships, I wouldn't do that to another person. My mum cheated on my dad and I've seen the effects first hand. I wouldn't wish that on any other person. Cheating for me is the biggest betrayal a partner could do to me and just shows plain lack of respect. You need to have trust in ANY relationship to make it work. I'm disheartened by some people nowadays that find the cheating is ok if the person doesn't find out. I'm just lucky my boyfriend feels exactly the same way.

If the couple swing or are open and then they both want to then go for it, but I could never share my partner with any other person. I don't know whether that is really possessive but I'd imagine lots of women feel the same way. I love my partner to death and couldn't stand another person touching him. He's all mine and I like it that way ^.^