This is a story written by a woman having a gynexam. It is very funny reading material, especially the conversation between her and the doctor, her vagina and her brain: [url=http://dodsonandross.com/blogs/palesa/2011/01/one-day-year-my-ass-more-o... One Day of The Year My Ass Is More Open Than My Vagina
But the best part of it is the ending:
[INDENT]What I realized is that there was a reason I was so tense. I had fallen into a trap. A trap that is part of my conditioning. I’d trained myself to believe that sometimes having a vagina means being in pain, even when it’s completely unnecessary. I wasn’t comfortable lying there, having a person who’s never had a Pap, or a vagina, examine me. I should have spoken up. I should have given myself whatever was in my reach to bring me as much comfort as possible, whether that meant asking for a female physician, or being more assertive about the time I needed to relax, or both. Yet I forced myself to be accommodating even when a fucking speculum was doing acrobatics inside my body. It’s a knee jerk response that needs to be reconditioned. Reconditioned to make my needs known and to not feel guilty about doing so.[/INDENT]
Your body, your rules!
I haven't experienced this sort of examination; many others though. Which at times left me in pain all day, due to the exact reasons as the author of this message described. Just because I didn't tell the good doc to slow down, give me a minute, that I wasn't lying comfortably, etc.
And this seems the best advice ever given! It does not say you shouldn't go to a doctor. You should, it's your body, it's your health! And you need to take care of it. This also means you shouldn't stop caring for yourself once on the examination table. It's still your body. And it's yours to control. Stand up for yourself!
The impact of touch and personal space
I've recently been on a training together with a group of female medical professionals. All of them highly motivated to make their pregnant patients feel better during examinations and while giving birth. What surprised me most, was that these women see patients daily, press bellies and put fingers inside vagina's, but most of them actually backed-off at the first exercise that included touch (just putting a hand on a shoulder). Most of them felt rather uncomfortable with people close to them and had large personal spaces. Which opened my eyes that even though these people get physically very close to their patients on a daily basis, this doesn't mean they are comfortable with it when people get physically close to them.
This training learned them to reestablish the feeling what touch does to a person, what being so incredibly close does to a patient. How they transfer their own feelings to their patients (regarding it as an object that needs investigating) and even do so through their touch (you can feel when someone's being hasty). That they could make it more easy on their patients by just touching them consciously and with respect. By making eyecontact before putting the patient on the table. By making slow and conscious movements and gently coming close (instead of rushing towards a patient and making sudden movements). Also: acting while having a clear purpose in mind with regard to the patients feelings, helps making the action more fluent, making your touch more comfortable to the patient. Etc...
Adding simple communication; given a summary before starting, explaining why and allowing questions, mentioning what's going to happen before doing each step, etc. The latter is fairly standard education, but at times forgotten when something is so routine in practice. Bodylanguage and the impact of touch seems underestimated even in today's medschool. Whereas it is so simple to comfort and relax someone with appropriate touch. As well as when ignoring this while touching, you could easily tense someone up completely.
Make yourself heard: you are not a routine job!
As a patient; you could prevent becoming a routinejob. You should feel free to ask questions and to tell the doctor you're not feeling ok. That you feel like (s)he's rushing. That you need that minute. If (s)he's not explaining what's going to happen, ask her/him to do so. You could ask him/her prior to tell you what they are doing every step of the way. And ensure that if you ask him/her to stop that (s)he will. This way you are making your wishes clear. You shouldn't regard this as a form of disrespect; it's a friendly reminder to a doctor. If by any means (s)he disregards your wishes, tell them at the time or even afterward. These precious minutes are completely devoted to you. Don't go home feeling bad about yourself!
Doctors don't mean you harm, they mean to do their job. They mean to cure you or keep you healthy. And they sometimes forget that it is you lying there. Some doctors show less empathy than others. Not because they're evil, but because they are humans and also get stressed when taking care of a lot of people. And because the act has become so routine to them. And let's not forget some examinations are in fact unpleasant and doctor's could feel themselves be drained emotionally while empathizing. Or it could even make it impossible for them to their job when they empathizing too much...
But: don't let this make you feel guilty or be very considerate with your doctor, leaving him/her clueless about you. Remind them that you are still there. Tell them what you need and want. And don't give up; make yourself heard! It's your right as a patient and as a person.
Sorry to hear that RG. Male or female, both can be caring and compassionate. Point would be to make yourself heard! :)
I myself have had several doctors. And all of them have mentioned I am very capable of relaxing easily. Worst doctor I had was a woman who pushed her fingers in my anus and started poking around so vigorously I nearly peed on the examinationtable. Though I was relaxed, I think because of that I clenched all muscles again, as my anus started hurting. When I mentioned this, she simply said "almost done...". When I mentioned afterwards about the urge to pee, she simply shrugged and said she had hit my bladder during the examination. I felt a weird sense of pain in my lower abdomen for days, not to mention my sore anus. Which had never happened when I had the same examination before (all done by male doctors, btw)... Emotionally; I also felt somewhat violated (probably due to my history of being sexually assaulted). And all this was the last thing I needed when already having a cramped up intestine :(
Best doctor I've had so far is male and he has been my physician over the past few years. He is always calm and gentle. He listens carefully. He clearly answers my questions and appreciates my own thoughts on the matter. He did my first vaginal exam (no PAP or speculum) and checked my ovaries. Though he will never know what it feels like to have his ovaries checked or have a vagina, I'm very glad he did and not that woman mentioned earlier. I guess it's not about gender, it's about social and medical skills!
What I have learned while on the examinationtable; part is out of your hands, part is certainly not. Stand up for yourself! And you will find how much control you actually have :)
This is exactly the reason why i don't like pap smear exams or internal examinations when pregnant.I prefer female physicians.They at least have to go through the same procedure at some point in their lives,and do show more empathy,compassion than male physicians that have examined me in this manner.
There are good women doctors and there are good men doctors; there are terrible ones among each group as well. Only women mess around with my girl parts but that is enitrely my preference and not a medical necessity.
The point of standing up for your rights is the key. You must be comfortable with and confident in your doctor. That does make the stirrups and more comfortable but it makes the misery worthwhile.
In the stickies for women's health is one entitled your first gyn exam. Worthwhile reading for young women.
I personaly dont care male or female is fine with me. So long as there skilled knolegable and profesional. I have seen many doctors for my vagina over the years due to complications as a child. Most of the visits were in my teen years but not all I never much minded male or female.
There ARE worse things, people.
Yes, they've had to get a crowbar and pry me off the ceiling mroe than a few times too and No, it never was much fun BUT I LIVED.
And getting a PAP no matter how uncomfy/painful beats cancer.
Keep the big picture in mind, my sisters!
True EEK :)
I started this thread to encourage people to actively take care of themselves by making themselves heard.
"It does not say you shouldn't go to a doctor. You should, it's your body, it's your health! And you need to take care of it. This also means you shouldn't stop caring for yourself once on the examination table. It's still your body. And it's yours to control. Stand up for yourself!"