Brandye and I have written about this over and over. She reports that not every woman can achive an orgasm; however, if you can, then you have to learn how. Many of my posts repeat the notion that each of us is responsible for our own orgasms, that we do not give them away to others. All any of us can do is to help our partner achieve hers/his.

Boys quickly learn to masturbate almost matter of factly right out of puberty. Girls on the other hand learn later or sometimes not at all. What you have to be willing to do is to explore your body and then caress it all over while laying in bed. I sometimes suggest undressing in front of a mirror and admiring the image that you see and then to begin letting your hands roam from this point, first. The intent is to get in touch with your body and its nerves and then to begin connecting all those sensual nerve endings to the pleasure center of the brain. This is not something that is "automatic". Each of us, male and female, must estabish these connection in order to transmute into an orgasmic being. This is where guys have an advantage as this change does happen in a shorter timeframe for us.

Many sexually inexperienced women wrongly expect that their guy will just somehow give them an orgasm even though they have never experienced one. This may happen in time with practice and a decade or so of living together, but why wait?! You can take matters into your own hands and within several days learn how to make the connections. Once you do, you can enjoy masturbating as often as is your desire or need. Moreover, you can then teach your partner(s) how you do it and guide their hand in order to learn how to mimic your unique and specific movements, rhythms, and pressures.

This is what I refer to as the "Fine Art" of the process. We all understand the basic mechanics involved in fingering a clitoris or stroking a penis; yet each of us develops an individual approach to all this that is unique to each of us. It is this that must be learned by our partner if we are to help each other have a climax.

That said, if you are to have orgasms at all, you must first learn how. So, spend several days fingering yourself and continuing with those movements that bring success and transport you along and up your arousal curve to the point of no return. As you may discover, when you are near the point of an orgasm you will feel the urge to pee. This is a false signal, especially if the bladder is empty. DO NOT stop. Keep right on fingering yourself and push through the feeling. Your orgasm will be on the other side. After experiencing a few orgasms, this false sensation will go away.

Expect that as you approach the trigger point of your climax that several changes will take place, although not necessarily in the following order:

* Your attention will change as you focus more and more on the feelings in your genitals. Your awareness of things around you and outside will deminish
* Your body will stiffen and you might squirm a bit
* Your breathing will change becoming haulting and panting. You may even hold your breath near the end
* You will perspire

If or when you clitoris becomes too sensitive to touch directly, switch to indirect stimulation by covering it with the inner labia and massaging it through them. You can also rub the shaft of the clitoris.

Spend the time between now and when you join your boyfriend learning to masturbate. Whether you can experience them or not, you will be glad you spent the time learning.

Well, there is a more important dimension. Women depend more upon fantasy than do men. The male orgasm (ejaculation) is nearly automatic and when the penis is standing up there, stimulation is mechanical and gets it done.

For us, orgasm is not automatic - it must be learned. I am not alone in having had my first orgasm almost by accident. While Doc focuses on valid physical actions, try to add a fantasy dimension. Perhaps without even touching yourself. Imagine those romantic things (not sexual necessarily) that relax you and make you feel good inside. After you are able to imagine, add some stimulation with your hands, a pillow, rocking on a menstrual pad, whatever feels good. You will likely, over time develop a capacity for autoerotic orgasm.

Our Bodies Our Selves gives a good discussion about how our bodies work; there are sites that emphasize the physical dimension of self-stimulation; and, there are lots of places (books and sites) that discuss the fantasizing.

In the modern world, the vibrator has become a short cut for many women. I am not much into vibrators but they can stimulate you enough to get there with a rather weak fantasy life.

Masturbation is the best training there is for a satisfying sex life. There is a strong correlation between how early a woman begins to masturbate and her later sexual satisfaction. But it is never too late to learn. Let your imagination run free and then add the physical elements that seem nice. There are no rules!!!

I have a lot of trouble fantasizing. My mind won't stay on one thing for very long. I'll start thinking about something exciting, but within seconds, my mind is one something that doesn't... well... fit the mood.

I being a man, have also had such a problem. I find it long and redudant to just sit there wanking it. The fantasies really help. I have noticed at times I have lost my train of though without realizing it and 'woke up' to realize I was just wanking my penis (which is going soft by this time because I wasn't paying any attention anymore), then it's a nuisance to get back up.

My advice, just try to focus really hard on what makes you feel really good, all I have to think about is my naked girlfriend, =).

I started masturbating (complete with fantasies) at a curiously young age. I tend to lose my train of thought pretty easily and end up moving from fantasy to fantasy pretty quickly. If my fantasy doesn't quite fit with the general mood, I take a break. My thoughts always go back to exciting. . .
Also, if fingering doesn't excite you much just feel around, find where it feels good and rub yourself.

Yes, quite often I too will jump from fantasy to fantasy. I find it hard to let one fantasy roll in my head while masturbating XD. It's like singing and playing guitar at the same time, not easy.