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Greetings A/all! Having looked through this very enjoyable and informative site, I have found little on the subjects of BDsm and D/s. As I am somewhat experianced on these matters, I figured I would do it Myself! I would also be delighted if O/others, whether kinky or vanilla would ask Me questions or offer T/their own advice and opinions. After all, W/we are all here to learn, right? And that includes Me. I figure most people with healthy sex lives will venture at some point into the realms of kink, to some degree. So I hope that together W/we can get together and build a very useful, informed and vital hive of information on all things kinky.
Regards,
Master Bulldog
OK, Y/you are curious and Y/you figured you would read this post. Cool!
First thing to know is that BDsm stands for 3 pairs or words, namely Bondage & Discipline, Domination & submission and also Sadistic & Masochistic. This is the catch all title given to all things deemed kinky.
D/s just stands for Domination and submission. This all about consentual exchanging of power to various degrees.
The maxim used for BDsm is : "Safe, sane and consentual". So lets look at these seperately:
SAFE: Many BDsm practices have an element of risk so do all you can reduce these risks! Be sure to take your time, rushing leads to mistakes being made and accidents. Do not EVER take risks that Y/you don't need to take. Be sure Y/you know how to use equipment, and how to free a submissive quickly. Never tie a person up so tight that their circulation is effected. Learn basic first aid. Have a decent first aid kit handy and be sure that it is well stocked. ALWAYS use a safe word system. My preferance if for the "traffic light" system. GREEN means the submissive is happy, feeling safe and happy to carry on, AMBER means slow down or get ready to stop. The submissive is feeling close to their limit of mental, emotional or physical endurance. RED means STOP! Not stopping when asked to is plain wrong and can even be a good reason for a court case! If your submissive is unable to talk (they may be gagged, or in a trance like state sometimes experianced called "subspace") then take the submissives hand and squeeze it 3 times. they should know that 3 squeezes back means that they are OK. Learn to look for the physical signs that something is wrong as well. Skin colour, dialated pupils etc. Never enter a BDsm scene whilst under the influence of alcohol or drugs/medication. And Keep real life out of your BDsm play. This is no time for dealing with things that have upset Y/you!
SANE: To enter a BDsm scene without knowing anything about the other person is just plain crazy. Be safe, be sane, people! Can Y/you really trust that other person? If Y/you have any doubts or questions...DON'T DO IT! This applys to the Doms/Dommes as much as the submissives. Tops (Dominants) should be asking themselves "is this person mentaly, emotionally and physically healthy? Are they fully aware of what to expect? Are they going to cry rape? Do they have serious self image/respect issues?"
bottoms (submissives) should be asking themselves "Can i trust Them to respect me? Will They stop when i ask them to? Are they about to slice and dice me? Are they experienced enough to do this?"
Please, be safe and then the fun will be so much better!
CONSENTUAL: Mutual, volunteered permissions are VITAL! Do not assume that Y/you have an automatic right to do what ever Y/you wish. Discuss what will happen during the play scene and agree on everything that can/will happen. I cannot recommend doing a contract prior to any BDsm activty enough. Legally, they have very little use, but if everything is correctly discussed before hand then there should be no nasty surprises. Remember, Tops: Your "victim" is a human being with feelings, emotions and needs as well. they are NOT a peice of meat! Basic rule of thumb is: the more empathy You have for Your submissive, the better You will be at this.
Take time to learn the limitations of Y/your play partner, respect T/them and gain all the information Y/you possibly can.
Master Bulldog
BDsm contracts should be used in all relationships where such kinkiness will be employed. This is where the Top and bottom get together, sit down and discuss in a honest and mature manner what will and will not be expected and allowed. It is important that the submissive has equal rights to the Dominant when writing up and deciding on the contents of the contract. No Dominant has the right to demand anything, only request. The submissive has no duty to agree with things he or she does not like, feel comfortable with or is unsure of. they are allowed to say "no"!
Please understand that contracts have very little use as a legal document. They should be viewed purely as a means of agreeing in advance what will happen and what is allowed prior to BDsm activity.
Here is a suggested contract, written for a Dominant male and a submissive female:
"W/we, Master *name* and submissive *name* have agreed with mutual, volunteered consent to enter a relationship that will involve BDsm activity of a sexual nature. This will include the volunteered surrender of power from *subs name* to *Masters name*.
Masters pledge
I, Master *name* have made the informed choice to undertake a Dominant role within this relationship. I hereby promise to treat *subs name* with compassion, respect, love, care and consideration at all times.
I expect *subs name* to surrender her power, will, body and mind to Me fully during BDsm scenes, within the set parameters. she is to be loyal to Me, trust worthy, attentive and take guidence and instruction from Me only.
I, *Masters name*, fully understand that a safe word system shall be used at all times during BDsm play. If *subs name* indicates to Me that she wishes to to stop a scene, I shall honour that request immediately.
I, *Masters name* understand and agree to NOT attempt to perform the acts named below:
*Do a list here of things the submissive is NOT happy to do or have done to her*
I shall respect this at all times.
I understand that it is My responsibility to assure the safety and well being of *subs name* at all times during BDsm scenes.
submissives pledge
i *subs name* hereby have made the informed choice to volunteer my selfcontrol, power and will to my Master, *Masters name*. I have made this choice totally of my own will, and I was not forced to make this choice and do so happily. I am therefore submissive to Him, *Masters name*.
i understand that W/we will use the "traffic light" safe word system. i also understand that should I ever feel unsafe, unwilling or unsure, i will indicate this either verbally or physically. i have the right to stop play at anytime.
my Master owns this girl and will do as he wishes with me, within the parameters set below:
*set your limits and boundries here*
W/we, *Masters name* and *submissives name* are consenting adults and have made this agreement mutually without influence of alcohol, drugs/medication or any person except O/ourselves.
This contract is valid during BDsm scenes only, and shall be reviewed by *give date here* or if one of U/us requests.
Signed
*Master prints name and signs*
*submissive prints name and signs*
There! How hard can that be? If Y/you find that Y/you and Y/your partner cannot agree to terms easily, then Y/you are probably doing it with the wrong person to start with!
Consider updating the contract often. I suggest every 6 months to a year.
Remember to state in the contract what time period the agreement is for. Is it valid only during scenes? Or is this a 24/7 agreement? Put in as much detail as Y/you can. Leave nothing to doubt!
In BDsm trust, honesty and assurance are everything!
Master Bulldog
You know, I don't consider BDSM as a catchword for all kink. Swinging,group sex, exhibitionism, voyeurism, fetishism-to name a few- are all kinks that have nothing to do with Bondage, Discipline, Sadism or Masochism. While they might be combined with aspects of BDSM they do not have to be.
I would enjoy discussing BDSM and other kinks here.
Now I have a question for you. W/what I/s W/with W/writing L/like T/this ?/¿
[There! How hard can that be? If Y/you find that Y/you and Y/your partner cannot agree to terms easily, then Y/you are probably doing it with the wrong person to start with!
Consider updating the contract often. I suggest every 6 months to a year.
Remember to state in the contract what time period the agreement is for. Is it valid only during scenes? Or is this a 24/7 agreement? Put in as much detail as Y/you can. Leave nothing to doubt
Master Bulldog[/QUOTE]
We have been married for 19 years and have never felt the need to do it again!
Hi Dib and Ty for your replies. I see your point regarding BDsm being a catch all phrase for kink, but having said that I personally do not consider swinging, group sex etc as kinky, just different!
The point to typing/writing words like Y/you, Y/your ect is to denote Dominant and submissive. It is regular practice to do this within BDsm circles.For example, as a Master I insist that My submissives always use You, Your Him, His, Master and so on when communicating to Me and about Me. Like wise, I also insist that My submissives always use the lower case when referring to themselves ( i, this girl, my, mine).
Not quite sure how you meant your comment about the contract, but I'll assume it was said with humour!
Master Bulldog
Bulldog,
You do not consider swinging, or group sex kinky, just different. That doesn't make sense. I consider kink to be any "different" sexual activity or taste outside the "norm", whether the norm in question is society's or the the individual's. I think swinging is way kinkier than bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism. That is because I have a fair amount of experience in those kinks and none as a swinger. That is not to say that I no longer consider BDSM kinky.
In my BDSM circle we do not T/type L/like T/this. I prefer to speak with my wife rather than write, so we don't have to worry about large or small case. And we certainly would not do that if we needed to correspond by mail. It takes up a lot of time and is also a waste of ink and paper. That is not a big deal in Real Life BDSM. For the people I know who do DS in real life it is sufficient that the submissive refer to the dominant by some honorific. If my wife is talking to other people in our BDSM community about me she will sometimes say " my master" or my/the Prince." Usually she just uses my name and that seems to work pretty well for everyone-even the most hardcore learned-about -BDSM-on-the-net DSers
I wasn't joking about the contract either. We have been good with the same contract for over 19 years now.
Contracts are essential within BDsm, just as using safe words are. I know of many Dom/sub relationships that don't employ safe words and they are taking a great risk, just as anyone who doesn't bother with a contract is. You have a contract, so that is great. But people change and if I am supposed to beleive that in 19 years nothing has changed, I would politely say that I have My doubts.
As I said in My original reply to you, typing words like U/us, O/ours W/we etc is common practice and helps seperate and indicate the Dom from the sub. This is handy to indicate to others ones status and reminds the submissive of their place! Look up any decent web site on BDsm and you'll find an example of this in practice. I will stress that this isn't essential, but a personal preferance thing.
Master Bulldog
Well I don't know too much about online BDSM Bulldog and the sites I visit are for people who practice in real life. I have S/seen I/it, B/but I/it I/is M/more T/the E/exception T/than T/the R/rule. Dominant/submissive contracts are more for people who just met I think and for people who are just looking for a play partner. I have to admit I never dated within the BDSM world, I just lucked out on having kinky girlfriends and married the kinkiest one. Back then the term BDSM did not even exist, or was just coming into existence. It was either B&D or S&M. DS seems to be a term that arose in the internet age of the 90s. But back to contracts---when you are with the same person for many years, Bulldog, and have the whole family, career married life thing going a DS contract is not what you need. It is not what my wife and I need. There are many people in the Scene who don't practice DS at all. Why distract oneself from good kinky sex with a bunch of rules that S/someone E/else made up anyway?
Enough of this S/silliness. Let's talk about BDSM if you want.
I started doing B&D in the university, back in 1980. I still consider myself more a B&D person than an S&M person although I sometimes feel that when spanking, caning,paddling, whipping, etc are done simply for the kinky fun of it without any roleplaying involved that the line between Discipline and S&M gets very blurry.
I personaly get very hard and have precum dribbling anytime I administer Discipline.
For the past three years we have been into Kinbaku, or Shibari as it is more commonly known in the west. This has been very good for us. Of course we have leather and metal restraints and chains as well as rope. Planning to buy some hemp and maybe jute and possibly silk next week.
We also have a nice collection of whips, singletails and multitails. Plus the usual crops and canes. Her favorites are the 3 ft. signalwhip and the floggers.
Roleplaying is lots of fun. That is a big part of western B&D. It seems not to be so big in Shibari in which people tend to go straight to the rope, I think. But if you like the feel of silk, well just get a couple kimonos have your nawajujun dress as a geisha and you as a Shogun and tie her and make love with her with the silk still on. You will both have the most delicious orgasms.
So. What are you into?
This seems more angled to BDSM, not to all things kinky...
But anyways..
How about a list of kinky stuff that can be done between couples? This way I can have a few things I can pick from.. :)
I am sure theres SOMETHING I havn't heard of..
I agree Clever Name. One of the things I was trying to explain to Master Bulldog is that not all kink is BDSM. I used to think I had tried every kink there was, but in the past few years I have discovered there are things I had never heard of too. I think that would be a good direction to take on this thread.