Should it bother me that my wife won't let me cum in her mouth?

[highheelsfetish]

My wife and I have been married for a little over five years. She is a great partner, and I am very happy in my marriage. That being said, one thing has been bothering me for a while, and I can't seem to shake it. In most of my previous relationships the women that I dated had no problem letting me cum in their mouths and swallowing. It is something that was (and is) very important to me for a complete sex life. My wife however, will not let me cum in her mouth. When we were dating she always wanted me to cum inside her, or cum on her chest, or anywhere else. I've always respected her wishes and haven't done it "by accident". I didn't worry about it too much, because I knew that she liked to swallow...my wife used to date a friend of mine (that was how I met her) before we started a relationship. They had a very passionate relationship for about a year. During this time, my friend filmed their "sessions" on multiple occasions...and yes, several of us guys used to watch the home videos (my wife (his girlfriend at the time) is a very attractive blonde). On these tapes I saw her begging him to cum in her mouth, and swallowing it...licking it clean.

I have talked to my wife several times about wanting her to do swallow for me., and I always get the same response...I don't do that. I have never mentioned that I've seen the tapes, and I know that she didn't always feel the same way. Should this bother me? Should I tell her what I know? As her husband should I expect her to provide those services for me?

[dancingdoc2]

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you will enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. If you click on the site's Home Page you will find even more information.

> Should this bother me?

No. Each person, male, female, has both a level of tolerance for certain things, as well as acts s/he will or will not participate in. All any of us can do is to discuss the matter and let them know that this is either something you would like to participate in--or not, as the case may be. You can also ask why s/he is not interested in engaging in certain acts. It could be as simple as having had a bad experience and not knowing how to go about it correctly. If the latter, and the person is open to discussing the subject then progress is likely.

> Should I tell her what I know?

What? About having watched the videos of her? Are you insane? The answer to such questions is this: "Of what value is it for her/him to know this?"

> As her husband should I expect her to provide those services for me?

Let me answer your question this way: making love is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other in partnership. No, you should not expect her to provide any of "those services".

I recommend that the two of you read the articles listed in the Index and then discuss the information you have acquired. It seems to me that the two of you need to have some open discussions back and forth about all of this. Communication is key to a successful relationship.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[highheelsfetish]

Originally Posted by dancingdoc2

> Should this bother me?

No. Each person, male, female, has both a level of tolerance for certain things, as well as acts s/he will or will not participate in. All any of us can do is to discuss the matter and let them know that this is either something you would like to participate in--or not, as the case may be. You can also ask why s/he is not interested in engaging in certain acts. It could be as simple as having had a bad experience and not knowing how to go about it correctly. If the latter, and the person is open to discussing the subject then progress is likely.

> Should I tell her what I know?

What? About having watched the videos of her? Are you insane? The answer to such questions is this: "Of what value is it for her/him to know this?"

I don't like the fact that she tells me that she doesn't do that, when I know differently...I've seen her do it, and I know that she enjoys (or enjoyed) it.

As far as telling her about watching the tapes of her doing this...my question was, should I confront her with the information that I have seen her do this and enjoy it...even though she tells me that she doesn't do that.

I wish that she would perform this act for me, but even more than that, I don't like the fact that she is not being honest with me about this.

[RedRoses]

No, you can not expect her to do this for you. Like dear doc says; all you can do is ask her why. In a gentle, relaxed, non-pushy and non-attacking way of communicating. Maybe she's got a pretty good reason for it

And you've got yourself in a rather inconvenient situation there; seen things you weren't supposed to see, knowing things you weren't supposed to know...
-As it was in fact a secret, right?
-And it was a private tape for her and him, right?
-Your wife has no knowledge at all about you two buddies discussing her sexual escapades, right?
(asking because I can imagine how she does know... my bf knows I talk about sex with my best friend. So he wouldn't be surprised, should we break up and should he start dating her, she'd know quite a bit...)

Like doc says: Of what value is it for her to know this?

I don't know about your wife, but I know the value it would be to me. First picture me as a peace-loving and kind woman that hardly ever raises her voice or fights about things. Now hypothetically speaking about this situation:

If I had made a private tape and trusted my partner to keep it private, I'd want to bite his head of (or perhaps another bodypart ) for showing it to his friends. Ex or no ex, I'd probably be stampeding towards his house demanding for the tapes (he'd be scared I'd burn down the house if he wouldn't give me ). Check Youporn and what not. Sue him big time if I'd find myself there. Furious, that's the word! And my fury would burn even harder if I'd find out that my husband was keeping this knowledge a secret from me...

Keeping it a secret or not, once it comes out there's a chance it becomes ugly. If I were you, I wouldn't worry about if it should bother you that she doesn't want you coming inside her mouth. This secret and whenever it comes out should be bothering you. Unless she's not like me, off course Personally: If my husband would tell me honestly; I may feel embarrassed and angry for a while, yet I wouldn't break down on him, simply for his honesty. I would however hate it if he would confront me with "evidence", instead of simply asking for my reasons...

So; I'd advice you to have a chat about the 'Why?', as mentioned above. And do not start throwing evidence around the place. If you'd want to tell, do so because of honesty and perhaps because of "shame" you've kept it a secret. Not for the reason of benefiting of it yourself.

And: I'd advice you that if it really is a secret and you take the doc's advice to not tell AND to look around this forum with the both of you, you first kindly request the moderator to remove your thread. Cause hell could be waiting for you if she'd find out about your knowledge through reading this thread...

[dancingdoc2]

> I don't like the fact that she tells me that she doesn't do that, when I know differently...I've seen her do it, and I know that she enjoys (or enjoyed) it.

People are entitled to change their minds, likes, and, dislikes. Just because she did this at one time in her life, she may not want to do it at this point in her life. The same for you, regardless of the activity. The key to the dilemma is that she may have enjoyed it--not does as in the present tense.

You won't know anything for certain until the two of you can discuss the subject openly. It may just be, as I said before, that she had a bad experience that has soured her to the practice. It may be that if she knew how to do it properly, she would do it, again. So, please do not be so defensive or uppity.

> should I confront her with the information that I have seen her do this and enjoy it.

Confrontation? Most people react defensively, so what is this approach likely to accomplish? Better me thinks to approach her openly and in a manner the two of you would discuss most any matter of importance. Refer to the previous post.

[highheelsfetish]

[QUOTE=dancingdoc2;258998]> It may just be, as I said before, that she had a bad experience that has soured her to the practice. It may be that if she knew how to do it properly, she would do it, again. So, please do not be so defensive or uppity.
QUOTE]

I've seen her do it (multiple times)...she knows how to do it properly...that is not the problem. I've discussed this with my friend (her ex-boyfriend) and he tells me that she always enjoyed it with him, and was doing it right up until the end of their relationship. She didn't date anyone between him and me, so I don't know what would have happened to change her mind

I do find it strange that the two people that have chimed in both completely disregard the fact that she is not being honest with me about this. That's why I feel that I should be honest with her and tell her what I know, bring this out into the open. Maybe confronted with the facts she'll tell me what's really going on...when she can't hide behind the "I don't do that" excuse.

[RedRoses]

I do find it strange that the two people that have chimed in both completely disregard the fact that she is not being honest with me about this. That's why I feel that I should be honest with her and tell her what I know, bring this out into the open. Maybe confronted with the facts she'll tell me what's really going on...when she can't hide behind the "I don't do that" excuse.

Well, it's the truth isn't it? She doesn't do that. With you, that is... (Sorry; it's a bit harsh maybe... )

Why? Only you can find out by having a respectful, gentle, relaxed, non-pushy and non-attacking conversation. As mentioned: you shouldn't misuse "honesty" to overpower her into talking or for "personal gain". You don't want your relationship to be about forcing eachother into answering intimate questions?! Why should she answer your question if you're demanding an answer of her? She doesn't even owe you an explanation, a simple 'no' would suffice. Remember you're asking a favor, asking her to fulfill your wish. It's not a service or a demand you can make. Even if she did do it for your buddy, doesn't mean she's bound to do it for you.

She's your wife, you know her, you love her! So I guess you'll know whether hell is coming or not... And whatever you think is worth it. Her "excuse" may seem like a lie to you. But maybe it's not all that black and white. It's like you said: you "don't know what would have happened to change her mind". Only she can tell you her reasons. I could think of a few reasons and start guessing, but no-one on this forum can tell you...

All I can say is: you may ask for her reasons. But it's up to her to tell you. And if the reason is good enough for her, it will be so; you're no judge of that. You should respect her boundaries in this relationship. What was in the past, remains in the past, what's now, is now...

[ravishing]

[QUOTE=highheelsfetish;258999]

Originally Posted by dancingdoc2

> It may just be, as I said before, that she had a bad experience that has soured her to the practice. It may be that if she knew how to do it properly, she would do it, again. So, please do not be so defensive or uppity.
QUOTE]

I've seen her do it (multiple times)...she knows how to do it properly...that is not the problem. I've discussed this with my friend (her ex-boyfriend) and he tells me that she always enjoyed it with him, and was doing it right up until the end of their relationship. She didn't date anyone between him and me, so I don't know what would have happened to change her mind

I do find it strange that the two people that have chimed in both completely disregard the fact that she is not being honest with me about this. That's why I feel that I should be honest with her and tell her what I know, bring this out into the open. Maybe confronted with the facts she'll tell me what's really going on...when she can't hide behind the "I don't do that" excuse.

Maybe she was pretending to enjoy swallowing with her previous boyfriend, but seeing as she actually married you, she couldn't face keeping up the charade for the rest of her life. Just like there are things you don't know about her, her boyfriend may not have known as well as he thought. Obviously the communication and honesty was not all there in the relationship if he didn't tell her that he showed all his friends their sex tapes. It's actually a pretty horrid breach of trust if he didn't get her permission. I think you should tell her that you saw those tapes just because she has a right to know that he put them on display for his friend.

It wouldn't be an unusual situation if that is the case though. I know of many, and even have close friends that lie to their significant other about enjoying aspects of sex. I even have one friend that went as far as to say she wishes she enjoyed sex and she's never had an orgasm. As far as her boyfriend knows, she does every time. You're disappointed that your wife doesn't like swallowing. Lots of women don't want to disappoint. Maybe your wife actually chose to be honest with you.

[EvilEvilKitten]

OMG - you watched tapes that SHOULD have been kept private - I understand that no one asked your now wife's permission to view these tapes before you all gathered around like a grungy pack of drooling apes to watch them - and now YOU are ACCUSING HER of NOt being HONEST with you?!?!?!?

Time you were honest with her and with yourself.
You deserve her contempt, not her compliance.

[funinthesun]

I pretty much agree with most of what's been said already. The fact that someone has done something before doesn't mean they want to do it again. You could have simply asked her if there was something about it that bothered her. Hopefully the two of you would have a good communication history with each other and she'd be comfortable enough to talk to you about it but if she still didn't want to elaborate just accept it and move on.

You have a much more serious problem if your wife did not consent to your friend showing that video to others. Breaching that trust to show off and brag to friends is a serious violation. People here are probably assuming she did not since she doesn't know that you've seen it.