Irrational Emotion?

[Rouge]

This is odd to admit, but I seem to have a distinct fear of my partner dying. He's gone once in a while with the forces, so I see where it could come in, but I've actually cried over it a few times. I'm not sure if it's clairvoyant or stupid, but somehow I feel that if we're supposed to be together for the rest of our lives, he'll die before me (statistically it's true as well...men vs women for age). Are there any other people out there who feel this occasionally? How do you get past it?

**I'm not paranoid every day of my life or anything, but once in a blue moon a really sick feeling comes over me and it feels like he's already dead (not sure if it makes sense or not). We're both young still, and I don't doubt we both have a lot of life left in us.

[lnt1103]

The thing with emotions is, they're often irrational. Just the nature of the beast. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with having them, as long as your daily life isn't consumed by them. It happens to all of us. I myself have had moments that I felt were much less rational than what you describe.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Okay stop with the whole "meant to be together" thing, please. Of course he will die before you, statistically speaking. That thought is entirely rational. The fear and the pain of loss is likewise ENTIRELY RATIONAL. The next auto wreck, for example.

The thing to do is to FACE IT. Face the fear in its entirety, Cry, scream rage - whatever (I sat in the dark, put on headphones and blared the Rolling Stones at volume while crying my eyes out) you require to face up to your fear and thereby conquer it. Then let it go - erase the fear and the pain. So you can -

Enjoy the life you have with him now and leave off worrying about tomorrow.

[Rouge]

I'm not hooked on the "together forever" idea, which is why I said "if". I've been through a few too many life issues to really have too much faith in something lasting, no matter how great the person is.

I've done this a number of times, but it seems that whenever he leaves my mind works to the worst possible scenarios and I break a little.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Yes. And that will be the case for some time. The fear you have is rational. If his profession changes and he's no longer going out with the forces the fear will subside - until he's not where he usually is at the usual time.

Since I've been here in DC:

DC sniper
plane into Pentagon
Chicka sliding into him on motorcycle- not serious
Some guy clipping his pick-up - also not serious

some guy who stole a mini-van in WVa drove to Va, ran 2 red lights, slammed into him on his motorcycle while running the 2nd red light just to get to a water treatment plant. - SERIOUS (almost lost him that time)

Do I tell him to not ride his motorcycle any more?
No.