Husband unable or unwilling to come.

[momster]

It just started, about three weeks ago.At night we have sex, I come but he doesn't. He used to come everyday at night, and two times in the morning. He was taking blood pressure meds, but even after I told him to stop the meds, the same problem continued. He gets aroused, and stays stiff for about 15 Min's usually about enough time for me to come. He thought it might be due to an enlarged prostate, but I found out by a Doctor that does not interfere with ejaculation .So it something else but what?

[EvilEvilKitten]

He needs to see his doctor!!!

[dancingdoc2]

Does your husband masturbate successfully?

If so, a possible reason he is having difficulty when with you could be that he is not being stimulated correctly. Much has been written on these pages about this.

If he is experiencing difficulty reaching a climax during intercourse, the first thing that comes to mind is how aroused he is at the time of penetration. It is one thing to have an erection, quite another to be aroused to a high degree sufficient to trigger an orgasm. Have the two of you cut short the amount of time you devote to arousing each other? If so, return to basics and spend no less than half an hour building each others level of arousal. He should be on pins and needles upon entering you. If he is not, this can be a reason.

Along with the above is that your vagina may be expanding in circumference as you become very aroused and the walls not being able to provide the need friction.

Do what I am suggesting and if the situation does not improve, do as EEK recommends. I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[mikkiji]

Us guys are not sex robots, and on occasion, like a woman, we can have plenty of good sex, be incredibly aroused, get totally turned on, and it feels really good, but we just can't quite cross that final threshold. I know that it's usually assumed men have mostly the opposite problem--they come too soon. However, the opposite is sometimes also the case, and we can have sex all day and just not ejaculate. It can be frustrating for both partners, and what I've found when it happens is that I'm just not getting stroked quite right, whether by hand, mouth or vagina. Not fast enough, not tight enough, whatever it is, either I'll try and switch positions, or figure, "Wow, that felt really great, and that's enough for now" and be done with it (we don't HAVE to cum every time...), or I'll finish myself by hand, which my late wife used to find very hot, but which my new bride feels is almost an insult to her, as much as I've tried to explain that it is not her, it's me, and occasionally I need me to apply just the right touch to finish me. Sometimes this happens for a few days, but usually if we abstain for 2 or 3 days, I'll have no trouble!
Michael

[lnt1103]

Michael, it may be more like disappointment in herself than feeling insulted. I used to feel like I wasn't doing my job right and I'd get frustrated/disappointed with myself when it took a while for me to learn to finish a new man without his help. Just a thought, you know her best.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Yes women who have heard for most of their lives that men are always thinking about/wanting to have sex think something's wrong with them, or with their skills, or their body if he does not orgasm.

It is all 'her fault'.

[momster]

He doesn't masturbate alone, once we get into bed he gets a slight erection and from then on we're both going at it so it doest fade away. When out at a restaurant or market where ever, once he touches my waist or small of my back he gets an erection. We're both afraid if we prolong penetration his erection will go down. But all certainly give what your saying a try. I do think that making him come is my job I’ve been doing it for awhile now so him not coming recently is surprising.

[EvilEvilKitten]

But thinking that "it is your fault" will slowly erode what you have between you. Especially if he comes to think "it is your fault". Downward spiral to the relationship.

Instead - each of us is responsible for our orgasm.

Also remember this is NOT The Olympics, sex isn't always perfect (we're humans, not machines), and no one is keeping score. IF he doesn't come this time, maybe he will next time.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by momster

He doesn't masturbate alone,

Why? Because you are having sex enough that he is always satisfied?
Because he has a low sex drive?

I'm asking because nearly every guy at least in the western world masturbates even though he has sex. For why, please read this article.

once we get into bed he gets a slight erection and from then on we're both going at it so it doest fade away.

Please correct me if I'm wrong; however, reading verbatim, this sounds like the two of you are "starting your engines" and making a mad dash for the finish line without properly warming up both of your engines, first.

Men can be up and ready for sex with little more than the mere thought of it; women require much more preparations {read: warming up) and on the order of half an hour of fooling around and making out before ever moving on to foreplay and/or intercourse. If you are not doing this, then you are really rushing things--not to say that once in a while the proverbial "Quickie" shouldn't be enjoyed.

Intercourse should not begin until YOU are ready and you INVITE him in. Women typically require no less than half an hour of kissing, caressing, fondling, listening to the whispers of "sweet nothings" in the ear, etc., first and foremost. Spend the time becoming aroused and really arousing him. Penetration should begin when your guy has been brought to the brink of losing control, yet not so close that he cannot move around and get into position or climax upon entering.

When out at a restaurant or market where ever, once he touches my waist or small of my back he gets an erection. We're both afraid if we prolong penetration his erection will go down.

Maybe he will, maybe he won't lose his erection. My question to the both of you is "so what if he does"? There is absolutely nothing in the rule book that says you cannot continue to make out and stimulate his penis and genital area and elsewhere, in order to either strengthen it or rebuild it. This would most likely be done anyway if you wanted to go for a second or third climax. All too often nowadays, guys operate under the misguide misconception that the best and fastest way to an orgasm is from lots and Lots and LOTS and LOTS of stroking. WRONG. The best way, is to spend time warming up each other and really getting your engines to "purrrrrrrr....."

But all certainly give what your saying a try. I do think that making him come is my job I’ve been doing it for awhile now so him not coming recently is surprising.

Making love is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for each other. All we can hope for is to help our partner achieve an orgasm. In order to help ensure that we do this the best way possible it is necessary to communicate with each other and provide feedback on how we are responding and for what we need now/next.

Men and women each masturbate in much the same way for their respective gender; yet, each of us is unique and we develop slight variations to the methodology. It is important, therefore, for each of us to show our partner how we stimulate ourselves and to take each others hand and guide his/her movements over a few sessions until we learn to mimic our partner's technique. Couple this with verbal and/or non-verbal feedback (as explained in at least one article and in many threads) and you will greatly improve your "game". None of us are mind readers so it is very important that we learn what works for our partner, and when. So, work together, teach each other, and communicate what how your are responding.

Please read the articles listed in the Index, together or individually, then discuss what you have learned, and put the information to good use.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[momster]

I do see what your saying and taking it into account. He has a high sex drive like I said we use to have sex 3 times a day. So I don't think he does. Your telling me, hes tried to blame me for his not coming by saying that I take to long to get aroused, although not in a mean way. We do take and show each other how we like to be touched, kissed, and caressed. I also continue to kiss and caress his body, after I come but I get no response from him. He has seen his doctor and She told him she think it in his head, But she still prescribed him Viagra should he use? Does he really need it?