29 and sexaully repressed

[EvilEvilKitten]

And modeling yourself on Emo - hasn't really worked out all that well for you, now has it?

Being bi-polar is a medical condition so go see a doctor. Stephen Fry, who is bi-polar - did a two-hour documentary on the subject that you should, seriously should, find and watch. You aren't the only one who has this condition and there are many options available to you.

Think about this - if you broke your leg, you wouldn't glory in having that medical condition - you'd get it fixed.

[Brandye]

Being bi-polar is definitely a medical condition; many of us believe that repressed sexuality is as well. Either the counselor you see for the bi-polar or your gyn can recommend a good sex counselor. You have decided to deal with this, go all the way and discover what is good outside your past limits.

[Emo Pop Princess]

i know that but i today's world i would fit in the group of the emo kids with all the emotions i go through in one day.i am a little shy about talking about my sex life to my female doc.but i will maybe try that thanks.i could talk to my therapist when i see her next about that.

[EvilEvilKitten]

So you're emotional?


But does that mean you HAVE to build your entire life around it?

[Emo Pop Princess]

i haven't built my entire life around it.i have been living with bipolar my whole life.and as far as the title of emo it fits my to the tea.i don't try to be emo i am just am.i have been emo since even before emo was a title.i am more relaxed about the whole masturbation thing.there are days where i am more stable then when i was younger.

[DirtyThirties]

Originally Posted by wet_suit_one

In the wise words of Morpheus (yes, that Morpheus from the Matrix), "Free your mind!"
)

Exactly!! I was the same as you but then I hit my thirties (hence the screen name).

I had two small children to look after and a partner who always complained that it was "boring".

I agree, it was boring. But it was hard to find the time with the kids around all the time and when we did find the time it was a bit of a chore.

One day I just thought "F**k it! I'm going to make the time and I'm going to have fun doing it".

I freed my mind. I started watching porn online and reading erotic fiction. We got some toys and our sex life has been fantastic ever since. I stopped worrying about what I looked like or if I was acting like a tart. I was actually getting a little bit obsessive for awhile but I've calmed down now. I have amazing sex and no complaints.

I can't tell you how to make yourself "get over it". But the more you immerse yourself in sexuality the easier it will be.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Actually, you don't need toys etc. - all you need is YOU - unfettered, unbridled and unashamed.

Please read the sticky post entitled The Program found elsewhere on the forum.

[Emo Pop Princess]

thanks.i will.

[RedRoses]

Though my story is not the same as yours, dear Princess, I think I understand your feelings. I also shiver at the sight of pornography (only seen little bits and pieces). Even sex in movies sometimes makes me feel scared. Especially when it gets 'passionate' in a rough way, my stomac turns upside down

There's one advice I could give you: what really specifically helped me was learning NFP (natural family planning). I started to discover my body and listen to it carefully. I became comfortable with every part of it. Especially when I touched my own cervix, I had really overcome something! Although this method is very intimate, it's not sexual. I guess that helped me learning about my body, without feeling confused. It helped me reconnect in a way.

To share my background:
I did get sexual education from an early age. My mom did a great job on that! However: she did hate males for what they had done to her in her marriages. I found out what a *** my father was for myself; I decided never to see him again. My negative image on men was more strongly confirmed in a rather violent way by being attacked as a child (I think you'd call it assault in English?). And I didn't tell anyone. I didn't speak of it for years. Even 'forgot' about it. When I did tell my mom, she couldn't believe it.

My sexual development stopped at the moment of the attack, I guess. No sexual feelings at all. It has even crossed my mind that I was a-sexual or something! Tried masturbating as a teen (felt very not-normal that I didn't) but I didn't feel anything... I felt like a freak... And there was a problem: I'd wanted to become a mother some day. So I decided that when someone would really really love me, that I would just have sex to make him happy. And in return I would get a baby! I thought: that story about female orgasms and sex being pleasurable must be some kind of overall conspiracy in girl/women-magazines So actually; I developed a rather conservative way of thinking about sex, in an environment that was rather open about it.

My sexual voyage started age 22, when my bf fell in love with me. He touched me in the most lovable way and my body started to feel again. And I started loving him back, heavily. My view on sex started to break down. I did tell him about my big secret and he understood. Helped me discover myself: slowly, babysteps at a time. Now; I'm even hypersensitive! Still: I'm not feeling like a 'normal' girl. I have only sexual feelings for my bf. I can't look at others thinking 'wow, that's hot!' (like my friends do). The thought of ever sharing my body with anyone else makes me feel sick. Makes me feel afraid. What if this relationship ends one day? Will I go back to that closed-up girl again? I hope I'll be able to stop that from happening and continue my voyage.

Damn... feels good writing this all down. Really: only 1 person in the world knows this story beside me. I feel ashamed of it, even though I know I shouldn't.

[Emo Pop Princess]

thank you for sharing your story. i am glad you could share your story with me. i have learned that i am not alone in feeling like i am the alone in having a problem with sex and porn. i am sorry for what you went through.